


Till the End

by veintiseis



Category: AB6IX (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Angels & Demons, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Slow Burn, This will be a long one, basically youngmin is an angel without powers, yes he falls in love in the human world
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-03
Updated: 2020-09-25
Packaged: 2021-02-27 08:40:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 85,825
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22104211
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/veintiseis/pseuds/veintiseis
Summary: Unlike the other angels, Youngmin didn’t have a flame over his head, not even a little spark like the little ones do, he just wasn’t born with it. Humanity believed fire was bad because it can destroy, but it’s light, does it means he doesn’t have a light?
Relationships: Jeon Woong & Lim Youngmin, Jeon Woong/Lim Youngmin
Comments: 57
Kudos: 52





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> _welp._ we starting this.  
> i am really planning to do a lot with this fic so i hope i can get your attention with powerless angel youngmin.  
> this is how Till the End starts...

_**\- ACT I -** _

Sometimes Youngmin spent his time thinking about the world. His thoughts wavered in a line as long as the horizon of the point he chooses to look at while zoning out. Those moments were his favorite times. Some people like to go out, others like to start a hobby, but daydreaming was his hobby. His friends would say he was someone of “little words" and that’s because they don’t hear the monologues he has with himself inside of his head when he is alone.

It’s nothing bad, it kept his mind busy when he wanted to quickly skip in time, especially in classes. He never felt the need to pay attention to the professor who would go on topics that didn’t really look useful in his life. Classes were always about light, ancient history, metaphysics and stuff like that. It made him wonder if deciding to attend this institute was a good decision. No matter how hard he tries, he couldn’t use (in the most practical meaning of the word) the knowledge they shared there because, even if he puts all his efforts on it, he knew he would never be able to manipulate brightness on his hands. He was different. He didn’t have that little flame over his head like all his classmates had, like the one that is currently dancing softly on top of Donghyun’s hair. It was so cute.

_Angels were ethereal._

Youngmin snorted on his hand, it was funny how obvious that statement was. Donghyun looked at him for a second, the ash haired angel looked confused but went back to pay attention to the lecture when the professor continued speaking. He _had_ to, it was probably some amazing topic about the goodwill, energy and stuff that Donghyun can actually use in his existence. It sounded amazing even to Youngmin but he preferred to ignore, that wasn’t for him. He could just read the books at home and pass the exams by pure theory, he likes reading anyways. Unlike the other angels, Youngmin didn’t have a flame over his head, not even a little spark like the little ones do, he just wasn’t born with it. He didn’t have the power nor the skill to learn the different capacities that all angels could.

He looked around the classroom, big and spacious, the students were sitting on the steps around the professor who was in the middle. Same archaic structure of an amphitheater that ancient Human Greece used to have, he remembered it from the class of Human History II. He wondered if the professor felt like Plato, he looked alike: bald, with a beard; almost like the historic figure, except for his luminous silhouette and the amazing crown of harmonious fire on his head. He stared at his fire for some time while the class kept going on and on. Humanity believed fire was bad because it can destroy but it’s light, does it mean he doesn’t have light?

“Youngmin, class is over." He was caught off guard by his friend.

“Let’s go then.”

He quickly grabbed his things and headed to the big double door, to the hall.

“You’ve been thinking way more than usual lately, will I ever know what goes on inside that big forehead of yours?” Youngmin rolled his eyes at Donghyun, they have been friends for so long, and he knows he disliked his own forehead. So annoying.

“Behave.”

Donghyun laughed and slightly pushed him in his walk. The corridor was full since it was the usual moment classes ended. Angels were walking in many different directions, right, left, up the stairs, back to classrooms, it was an ocean of them. They all shared the same tones of hair, ashy, light, silver, blonde, not a brunette on sight. It was prohibited to dye your hair like the humans. At least Youngmin had that characteristic too, he liked his light brown (not orange) hair. 

"What will you do next?”

“Read probably.”

“Oh, c’mon.”

They headed to the principal exit where two angels were attentively looking at everyone who entered and left the place. It was an everyday thing. Some figure of authority from the institute, usually a rector, would check the students that came or left the building, next to them, a warrior guardian in his uniform for security, just in case. Youngmin prepared his special student ID signed by the High Order because, with the absent flame on his head, the guardians would cause a scandal and he had enough of those. He showed the identification under the negative look of them and continued. They were about to leave until they got called.

“Young angel!” They both turned at him, not being sure who was he referring to. Youngmin was praying it wasn’t him, he just wanted to go home. “Don’t forget to hide your ceph.”

That was definitely not for Youngmin.

“Oh sorry!” Donghyun said while his fire disappeared. He giggled nervously before continuing his way with his friend.

Two steps outside the exit and, after some flash of brightness that came with that weird sensation of what riding a human elevator felt like, they would go into the human world. When he regained his vision clearly, Youngmin took a look back just to make sure to see the facade of a normal educational building that was doors closed. It was a simple logic: for humans, it was just a normal university that was very elitist and only accepted a few random students. The Upper World had to create something realistic and took the chance with the rise of capitalism and privatization of education the mortal society had.

Ironic, humans were losing education and, in those lost spaces, angels were educating themselves instead. He wondered how it could happen. He also questioned again if they had to live in the human world while doing their studies, did all the angels majoring in Services had to do it? Yes, they had to.

“Can you stop? You look like a goldfish, it looks like your eyes are looking at different sides when you think.”

The road was quite empty so they were walking on the street together.

“Are you saying I get cross eyed?” Youngmin almost believed it but, before the other answered, he asked a question that was going around his head. “How come humans have never thought something looked really suspicious in our building?”

“You are lucky I’m not a snitch. You know we can’t talk about those kinds of things in this world.”

“Well, then why-"

“We don’t question Youngmin, we just don’t.” He sighs. “I feel like opening Pandora’s box when you start talking like that.”

“Didn’t you said before you wanted to know my thoughts?”

“Anyways, listen, I know your birth anniversary is happening soon and you get this way but I know one thing that will get you out of your own head.” Donghyun wriggled his eyebrows with a funny smile on his face. He stopped on his track, faced his friend and, after checking both sides to make sure there wasn’t any other presence, he whispered. “I got us invited to a human party.”

Out of all the things he heard Donghyun say in their really short existences, this was the most unexpected one. Youngmin looked again around them. His friend was the one who told him not to talk like that in this world but here he is, inviting him to a _human_ meeting. He didn’t know that he could be so careless like this and wondered if his friend could be able to finish his major to become a guardian angel if he could have these crazy ideas. Youngmin sighed and continued his way without paying attention to the other.

“Aren’t you interested? Don’t you want to know how I found the info? What is it? When? Where?”

“Not really.”

“Well, remember Daehwi?”

“Daehwi?” Youngmin stopped walking and smiled excitedly at the mention of an old friend. “Of course, I haven’t seen him since we parted ways to start our superior studies.”

“He will be there. In fact, he was the one who told me, I had to help a professor, really close to where he studies, and we came across. It’s a birthday party at night, down your street. Please let’s go. What’s the point of being in the human world while majoring in Services to help humanity if we don’t interact with, oh, _humans_?”

An old lady passed by them and they both opened their eyes like plates. It could be the end of them and their not even starting careers if they reveal their identities. Donghyun got close to the old lady who was carrying groceries bags to help her (and to check if they were still safe).

“May I help you with those, ma’am?”

“Huh? I’m sorry kid, I didn’t bring my hearing aid today, can you speak louder?”

Still safe. Youngmin sighed.

After he parted ways with his friend, he headed to his assigned house. It is in a nice neighborhood close to the portal that took him to the part of the Upper World where he attended classes every day. In the tiny kitchen of his small house, he was wondering if he should follow his friend into something that sounded both exciting and dangerous. Angels weren’t supposed to interact closely with humans while they haven’t completed the process of “gaining their wings", as the Upper World said, a funny saying when in fact the most of them didn't get any wings; they just become this really bright looking silhouette, almost losing most of their material form. _Like a transparent shiny ghost_ , he laughed alone.

No one else was with him, his progenitors weren’t there. One being busy while being a cherub, a high rank angel in charge of protecting the Light, and his other progenitor finished his existence before he started his. And even if they could, only guardian angels were allowed to stay in the human world, something none of them were. So, he was alone and it was kind of boring from time to time because he didn’t have any other distraction than his thoughts and the notes from his studies. Sometimes he visited Donghyun, his house was entertaining, with both of his progenitors majored in Services, it wasn’t an empty house.

He didn’t need to eat nor drink to survive but, if the time wasn’t passing, he would try some things like yogurt or bread, just out of curiosity. At that moment, he didn’t have any of edible in his house and he didn’t feel like going out to get them. Another option was “sleeping". He could rest only for a few hours since angels can charge his energy quicker than a simple mortal. Still, nothing seemed more interesting that the offer Donghyun told him.

They shouldn’t.

But they could.

He heard it before. It was common for young angels to escape to the human world to see. It was nothing really bad while they keep their identities safe. They have to be careful of not getting caught or get tainted by the immorality of this world. Yes, it was quite “normal".

He decided he would go and he checked himself in the mirror of the living room. The plan was to look as human as possible, but he didn’t need to do much. The portal did all the work for him: his hair looked slightly darker, his outer figure looked more realistic, the full white uniform turned into a normal school uniform, consisting of a white shirt and black pants. And the only detail it could reveal his nature was nonexistent: he didn’t have a flame to hide. All he needed was a change of clothes to fit the occasion. He copied the style he saw from a human when he was walking in his way home: jeans, a gray shirt and sneakers. He hated it, so tight and uncomfortable, nothing like his usual loose white uniform that he was used to. How could people ever go through such an uncomfortable attire just for “fashion"?

He left the house still unsure if this wouldn't affect his future. It would be the first time he steps out of his routine, of the rules, but that’s exactly the exciting idea that pushed him to do it. He wanted this. Youngmin walked towards the direction Donghyun gave him, it was obvious where the party was at. There was a nice double floored house with a big front yard that was blasting music and many people where gathering around it. He inhaled and went forward, hoping to find his friend in the way.

He entered yet no one noticed him, all of the people were focusing on themselves. Youngmin was really aware of how crowded the place was and how he felt humans pushing against him repeatedly. His heart hammered with the loud music and he questioned the music choices humanity was making the last 20 years. He had to ignore the people dancing in an obscene way as if they were possessed and the couples that were kissing without any shame, way too exaggeratedly to be in public. Youngmin cheeks were burning, already feeling suffocated; maybe this was a bad idea. He was expecting a nice little meeting not this, this… thing. He got tapped on the shoulder and he turned around happily, thinking he finally got recognized between the humans by Donghyun.

“Hey, are you ok?” It was a small girl with long curly hair that was looking at him in worry.

It wasn’t Donghyun.

“Um, yeah, I’m fine…It's just…”

He didn't know how to explain what he was feeling without sounding weird. He hadn’t prepared how to talk with people yet.

“Ah, I get it. Same.” _Same what?_ , he thought. ”Follow me, outside it’s much better.”

He had no option but to follow the unknown girl through the halls of the packed house to a backyard. Only when they were out, he noticed that she had grabbed his hand to lead him. He stared at the way their hands were touching. She was explaining details about the party but stopped when he felt the other’s silence. The human noticed where Youngmin was looking at and let his hand go.

“Don’t worry honey, I’m not flirting with you. I don’t like boys anyways.”

She laughed and left. Youngmin was even more lost than before, by her words and by the new place. Why holding hands would be flirting? And why people are throwing each other in the pool if it’s not summer yet? Humans really were something else. The backyard was even bigger than the garden in the front. It looked like it was impossible to see the limit of the property at the back, the end hidden by many trees. Only then he noticed how small the building looked between the two big green yards, that would explain why inside was so stuffed with people.

Everywhere Youngmin looked there were humans: speaking, laughing, drinking, he felt the need to observe them. He was learning more here about humanity than in weeks of classes. He started wandering around while looking at both sides, searching for a familiar face. At some point, out of sudden, a male human gave him a filled cup and then left without giving any explanation. He wouldn’t drink it, it smelled weird. Alcohol probably. One of the easiest yet slowest ways of corrupting people’s soul, all these young humans here were on their way to an addiction without noticing, he hoped he was wrong.

“Youngmin!” He was sure there was only one person who would call him by his name like that.

He saw Donghyun waving at him from a distance with a big smile, he was away from the pool, the house, the big groups of people. Youngmin was a little bit surprised at how his friend that was wearing a jeans jacket with some tight black pants and boots. It was the first time he was seeing him like that. His dark black hair that he would have in this world always made him look more human. Youngmin got close and the first his friend noticed was the red cup on his hand.

“I was worried you wouldn’t come but… are you drinking?” His tone was real worry.

“No, someone gave me this and I don’t know where to leave it.”

“Just put it on the ground” Youngmin looked scandalized, how could he throw stuff when the human world was quickly declining into an ambiental crisis that had the Upper World worrying every meeting. Donghyun sighed. “The owner of the house will clean it afterwards, trust me.”

“Yeah, I trust you, I just don’t trust humanity.” He left the cup with some doubts.

“Anyways, I’m surprised by your appearance.”

“See? I'm someone else, right? I will be honest with you: It’s not the first time I assist to a human party.”

“What?”

“Look, these are fun, I don’t do nothing much here, I swear, I just like to see how humans celebrate. It’s interesting. I was planning to invite you to one soon but I was doubtful you would hate it but hey! Here you are!”

“Thanks, I hate it.”

“Don’t be like that!” Donghyun complained while shaking his shoulders in a cute motion. “Let’s go, I’ll show you something.”

Donghyun grabbed his friend by the arm and dragged him towards the house again.

“Why do you hate the party?”

“Well, I’m too pessimistic, makes me feel sad thinking these young people are losing their morality. Also, I got a lot of unwanted physical touch.” Donghyun suddenly let go of him. Youngmin half laughed and grabbed him by the hand. “I meant _human_ touch."

Donghyun let go of his hand and made him confused again. “The people here will think we are in a romantic relationship if we hold hands.”

“Does it matter?”

“Well, no. I was just… pointing it out. Now, we should stop saying the word starting with h, we are getting closer to them. Let’s keep going.” He searched for his hand again and got inside the house.

This time instead of being guided through it, Donghyun took him to the second floor. They went through a hall of doors till the end of it, where it was a tiny living room. There were some people but they weren’t dancing, just chatting and drinking, it was a little bit nicer than the wildness that was the first floor. The moment they arrived, a young boy jumped from the sofa and went up to them with a smile. Youngmin smiled back realizing who it was.

“Daehwi!”

“Youngmin!” Daehwi jumped into his arms for an embrace. “I can’t believe this!”

“So, you are the mastermind behind all this?” “Youngmin, I’m always the mastermind behind everything.” The young angel said with confidence while tapping his forehead with his index finger. His good mood was always easy to spread, Youngmin couldn’t stop smiling at him. “Anyways, how you two doing?”

“We are doing just fine.” Donghyun explained. “We just stick to look around, nothing much.”

“Huh? Only that? Well, come with me I was just speaking to a friend over here.”

Donghyun and Youngmin looked behind Daehwi. On the sofa, there was this black-haired boy who looked really friendly while he smiled and waved to them. Definitely a human. Youngmin hesitated for a moment, one thing was to observe people and another completely different thing was to fully interact with them. Most of the times, humans tend to forget when they meet an angel, except if the angel does want to be remembered, it was something they have to control. Youngmin knew his friends had no trouble with it, but he wondered if his lack of powers would put him in a dangerous situation. What if the human recognizes him after this?

“Hey, David, who are your friends?” The human asked from afar.

They got closer and sat on the sofas. Youngmin exhaled and hoped everything went well.

“I’m Dong."

“I’m Yo-" Donghyun elbowed him to stop him, he wasn't supposed to use his full real name. “I’m Tommy.”

Daehwi giggled and Donghyun snorted, he swore that after beating those two into having some respect to him, he will ask for another assigned name.

The human just smiled at the curious group of friends. “Nice to meet you! I'm Jaehwan.”

“Jaehwan is the one who organized the party because his birthday was just some days ago!” Daehwi explained.

“Oh, happy belated birthday.”

“Thanks Dong. To be honest, I wasn't expecting this many people to come.”

Youngmin sent a glare to Daehwi for making them speak to the owner of the party when in reality they just were strangers who barged in but the youngest angel wasn’t paying any attention to him. He quickly tried to apologize.

“We are sorry for intru-"

“No, no, no. It’s fine, I find it funny. I get to know so many cool people, like you guys.”

The fact he wasn’t angry at them for coming uninvited was surprising for a human, any other one would be really pissed off because what they were doing wasn't ok but Jaehwan smiled at them without problems. Youngmin could tell he was a good person.

They kept speaking until he felt something weird, at his third cup of alcohol, Jaehwan stopped smiling. Daehwi asked if something was bothering and the human shyly started to share his worries. Donghyun and Youngmin changed their position instantly, sometimes people need some counselling and that’s something guardian angels do. Youngmin hoped he remembers well his classes, this seemed like a sudden exam. And if they didn’t do well, Jaehwan life could change drastically.

“I haven’t been able to write music lately and I’m really stressing about it.” He ran his fingers through his hair. “Makes me wonder if I really took the right path, my family keeps doubting my choice to pursue music… Sorry, I’m getting personal here."

It was definitely not a bad choice, Jaehwan looked happy to Youngmin, he was nice and educated but more important he gave the feeling of someone bright. It was weird how he quickly felt bad, something was not okay here.

“If music makes you happy, then you didn’t make a bad choice.” Youngmin said without thinking.

Donghyun looked at him worried, that statement could be interpreted by some humans as “if it makes you feel good, it’s ok” but that wasn’t the real meaning.

Youngmin realized his mistake instantaneously and reworded his advice.

“What I'm trying to say is that you have to decide on things you love that it will make you feel that putting all your efforts on it isn't a waste. If that is the case with your music, then everything is worthy.”

Jaehwan’s eyes lighted up at the comment and Youngmin hasn’t felt this good before, he helped him, his words helped him. He was working like a real guardian angel, no powers needed, just some Human Psychology theory doing its thing.

“Jaehwan, want some more?” Suddenly a boy got close with a cup filled up with vodka, he could tell. The smell was strong.

Donghyun stood up.

“I think he had enough for tonight.” He tried to tell the other with his eyes that it wasn’t the right moment.

“It’s okay, Woojin, I’m at my limit.”

Jaehwan giggled and wiped his eyes, he wasn’t crying but he was close to. Youngmin stared at the newcomer for some moment and the boy named Woojin also stared back to him. It was some seconds of pure tension that the angel couldn’t decipher well what they meant. A normal human didn't stare back this intense, they didn’t like to be looked at because they had this primitive instinct that made them fear these kinds of stares, for them they meant danger. And this Woojin guy was definitely not afraid. Youngmin wondered if he got recognized, a stupid thought considering the fact he looked nothing like an angel and that, sometimes, not even angels could tell he was one of them. Donghyun took a step further to push the other away, a risky move but it worked.

Suddenly, a boy came running into the room and shouted.

“Someone died in the bathroom!”

Panic.

People started screaming horrorized and the scene became messy. The angels looked at each other, they had to step in, even if it was prohibited to them. If they didn’t do nothing it would be much worse. Daehwi quickly went to the bathroom with Jaehwan. As a future azrael angel, he proceeded like one, ready to check if the soul of the person who died was still there and needed guidance to leave the world. Donghyun tried to calm down the people around him, especially those who were in shock. Youngmin looked around to check if anybody was doing anything dangerous that could get them another victim. In between the people, he saw the boy named Woojin that looked relatively calm and, next to him, the petite boy who alarmed everyone with his hands on his face, maybe he needed help. Youngmin got close to him.

“Hey, are you ok?”

The blonde boy looked up from his hands, just peeking, two watery eyes stared at him for some seconds. It was a gesture that came off naturally cute and it almost made Youngmin smile.

“Kinda." He answered shyly, slowly putting his hands away from his face.

His round face along with the small dark eyes gave him a youthful look he never saw before. This human was, undoubtly, _pretty_. Youngmin may have stared way too much because the other titled his head in confusion. Like a puppy.

“Oh- uh- we can go outside if you need to.” He remembered how that could work. “What’s your name?”

He didn’t know why he asked. Maybe he remembered reading somewhere that asking for names makes situations for humans more friendly and casual. Or maybe Youngmin actually wanted to know the other’s name, and that was slightly surprising to himself.

“I’m Woong.”

The human pressed his lips in a tiny smile while presenting himself, looking radiant as if he hadn't been shaking moments before, Youngmin felt happy to see his mood being lifted up just by his own gesture of worrying and asking for him. At that moment, the ignored Woojin clicked his tongue and left while slowly pushing Woong on his way with his shoulder. He didn't know what it meant.

“Let’s go outside.” Woong said and held him by his hand to take him to the backyard again.

This time, the touch didn't feel weird. It wasn't like the girl’s that felt strange or like Donghyun's hand that felt familiar, this time it felt quite good? Like their hands were made to hold each other? He didn’t know what it was, he couldn’t compare it to anything he felt before, it was similar to eating ice cream for the first time: surprisingly happy.

Once they were outside, Woong left his hand and Youngmin really had to fight with himself to not reach for his soft hold again. It would be too weird. Youngmin didn’t know what he got himself into, this wasn’t to be happening, humans weren’t supposed to make him feel so many weird things in the first place.

“Do you feel better now?” The angel asked in a hesitant tone. Then, he added. “Woong.”

His name sounded weirdly placed in the sentence because of the long pause he accidentally did, a pause he took to process his name and say it aloud. He had the need to say it, he knows it now, why wouldn’t he say It? It was completely normal. Yeah, “normal”. What it wasn’t normal was the way his breath left him while pronouncing that sole syllable that now it mean the most pretty human he has seen before.

And Woong laughed. Loud and long.

And Youngmin froze.

He hadn't been this astonished before in his time of existence, not even when he was born and saw the world, not even when he saw the ethereal appearance of the angels that conformed the High Order, not even when he saw the Light that was the most precious and heavenly thing that exists. Woong smile was over all those. Eyes shining and white teeth on sight with a ringing melody that meant he was full of happiness.

“I like how you say my name.” Woong explained while looking at him endearly. “But you need to pout a little bit, like this. Woong, Woong, Woong.”

“Woong?”

Again. Every time he said his name. It happened.

“Almost there, just do this with your lips.”

The blonde took a step closer, closer to him, inside his personal space. Youngmin was already going crazy only by feeling the proximity of the other but he really felt like his existence was about to end when Woong placed a finger on his lips and pressed softly.

“Woong.” Youngmin repeated whispering, moving his lips against his fingertip while staring at him. Woong stared back.

“Did you just kiss my finger?”

Youngmin looked away ashamed. His face was burning, probably his ears too. He wanted to run away from all these different and messy emotions but he stood there, feeling them. Woong giggled at his reaction and continued talking.

“So, what’s your name?” After some doubt he answered. Woong wouldn't recognize him afterwards anyways.

“Youngmin.”

"Cute.”

“No one said my name was cute before.”

“Oh, I was not referring to your name.”

Another wave of embarrassment hit Youngmin and, even when he was around six feet tall, he felt tiny. That was definitely flirting, a very direct one, Woong was flirting with him. He wanted to hide because he wasn't prepared. It wasn’t something displeasing though.

“Hey don’t act like that, I'm gonna blush too.” The petite boy said, having fun from the reactions of the other who looked like he was about to pass out. “I’m sorry, I don’t blurt those kinds of comments all the time, you will see.”

“See?”

“Yes, I'll see you again soon. I promise.”

_No, you will not._

“Do you want to meet me again, Youngmin?”

“Yes.”

Youngmin wondered if meeting him again was actually possible, still, he didn't have any need to lie, that’s why he gave an honest answer. He felt the want to know more of him and not for merely studying motives, his curiosity was woken up differently, he didn’t want to know more of Woong as human, but Woong just as Woong. Thinking he would probably start to forget him as soon as they stopped talking was making him feel slightly disappointed.

He was wondering if the human would tell him where to meet him but, in that moment, from inside the house, many people came out quickly, between them, Donghyun. He turned to see the scene, alarmed.

“Youngmin, we need to go. Now.”

“What happened?”

His friend leaned in to him to confidentially tell him what was going on.

“Daehwi told me the girl in the bathroom wasn’t dead, she passed out by the alcohol. I think an ambulance and the police are coming soon and things will get complicated. We need to disappear.”

“Yeah, let’s leave. I just-" He looked back, ready to properly say goodbye to the blonde boy but he wasn't able to do it.

Woong wasn’t there.

He stretched his neck to see over the head of the people leaving, searching for Woong only to find that there wasn’t any hint of him left behind. He disappeared so suddenly it made Youngmin doubt he actually met someone like him that night.

“Youngmin?” Donghyun sounded more worried as the time passed.

“Let’s go."


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey, i am so happy to see good reactions to this T-T like, literally, you all made my week.  
> hope we can last long through this fic. (if you havent noticed that is just youngmin being whipped) (for now)  
> lets enjoy the fluff these first chaperts, shall we?  
> enjoy

Youngmin served himself a cup of water by pure instinct, he sat down and rubbed his temples. Reaching home felt like going back to a safe place where the situation felt under enough control to let his thoughts settle down. When he regained his composure, he recapitulated the chain of events that happened since he left the house just some couple of hours ago. He had no idea he would end the day this way. There were no regrets, but complete confusion.

After he parted ways with Donghyun and Daehwi, who were as uncomfortable as him by the sudden turn in their supposedly harmless plan, Youngmin felt his head spinning by the overdrive of information. He knew how a human party looked like now and he also knew how cute a human could be. Youngmin groaned for thinking like that and covered his face with his hands. His head was a mess and he could think many reasons why, one of them had a name and a face.

Without really thinking about it, he headed to the bedroom to change his clothes because they were making him feel suffocated, he could smell the party impregnated on them and he was tired of the tightness of the outfit. An image came back to him: It was crazy how those dark blue jeans hugging those short legs didn't seem to bother their blonde owner.

Again. He popped up in his mind again.

Youngmin threw himself on the bed in defeat.

That encounter in that party was the most unexpected thing from all of this. It was already a crazy idea to attend that human gathering but, on top of that, he met someone that made him doubt of all the things he knew. He didn't tell Daehwi nor Donghyun about it, no particular reason, Youngmin was sure in some days this would be a minor memory with no future. He just had to go over the… _suprise_ it was.

There has to be an explanation on why he felt so weirdly around that human, there must be something that was different from all the, very few, interactions he had before. Even if Woong was undoubtly pretty that couldn't be the mere reason on why he felt trapped inside a spiral that made him feel weak: that girl in the part was pretty, Jaehwan was cute, even his best friend Donghyun is extremely handsome too, so, no logic there. He should stop already, the moment was over and Woong wasn't there.

“Woong.”

So pathetic.

Why he was calling for a name in the middle of the night while staring at the ceiling? Was he cursed? (He knows he wasn't, being cursed was something totally different, he had read about it).

He decided to rest, closing his eyes, shutting down his thoughts while still being conscious about his surroundings. He could hear the cars, an annoying dog that decided to bark in the middle of the night and some strangers speaking outside. But, overall, it was quiet and peaceful. The bed was comfortable and the temperature inside was just right. He could feel his breathing and the way his heart beat in a steady rhythm, his blood flowing through all his anatomy.

After exactly two hours of laying down and just sensing the environment, he opened his eyes and his inner voice inside his head was back, more calmly than before. Once Donghyun joked and said they slept like dolphins and he never forgot about it, the analogy was so on point that it bothered him. It was usually one of the first things he remembered each time he “wakes up". Classes were about to start in some hours and he hoped that the time and his routine made what had happened a mere blurry reminiscence.

He got his things ready and headed to the obviously-not-suspicious school building. It was still quite early for the lecture but he wanted to have some time for himself inside the room to read the texts for the lesson of that day. At some point, Youngmin felt someone sat next to him, he looked up from his book and saw his friend, he had the white uniform on and his hair was back to gray. Seeing him like that again was curious, no one could imagine this same bright angel was on a human party last night.

“It was weird not seeing you in your way here” He was right, they usually meet before entering the Upper World. “Is… everything ok?”

“Donghyun, it's not the time nor the place to talk.”

Youngmin sounded harsher than he intended and that caught off guard the other.

Donghyun didn't answer and Youngmin didn't comment anything else. He wasn't mad at him for inviting him to the party yet that was probably what Donghyun was thinking in that moment, it was an obvious assumption. Youngmin was just moody, he wanted to quickly forget everything from yesterday and move on. Things could have gone really badly. Yet they didn't, they got back safely and that’s all it matters now. It’s time to act like nothing happened. Because that's exactly what happened: nothing. He tried to reassure himself that that was the truth.

Many students started to get inside the room, the last angel to enter was the professor who was ready to start right away. Youngmin closed his books and ignored Donghyun’s sad stare for now. He would take care of it later. The lecture went smoothly without any major complications except by the fact that, half of it, he had to sit down and watch everyone else practice their healing powers with their hands. All the students already knew about him and his lack of powers but every time a similar situation like this happened, he would feel exposed. Even if the other students didn't hold any bad feelings to him and he wasn't attacked for it, it was uncomfortable. He just felt terribly _different_ and out of place. The professor gave him some extra readings to make up for the lack of practical exercises and he was glad that some of the teachers were this attentive with him, he probably wouldn’t be able to even try to major in Services without them. When everything was over, Youngmin waited for Donghyun in the hall, since he was still inside the classroom getting some feedback on his technique like all the other students. The angels started to leave and Youngmin almost lost sight of his friend between them.

“Donghyun!” The called one looked back and smiled in surprise. “Let’s go back together.”

“I wasn't expecting you to wait for me.”

“Why not?” Youngmin tried to lift up the mood and smiled at him.

The way he behaved before wasn't the best and some kind of guilt that had built inside him wouldn't leave until he treated his friend correctly. He was planning to apologize once they left the Upper World, because it was too risky to talk about the topic on that side. There were too many angels and authorities that could heard their talk and get alarmed. Youngmin wasn't stupid, he wouldn't explicitly go around saying how they sneaked in a human party but he also wanted to speak clearly to Donghyun. They casually exchanged a few observations about the class they had and headed to the portal.

After they stepped in the human world, Youngmin stopped in his tracks and the action called the attention of Donghyun.

“Sorry for today. I wasn't feeling well. I didn't want you to make you feel bad.”

“It's okay. I figured out you just were thinking things out. But there must be something else. Things were messy, I know, yet it doesn't make sense for you to get this way if that's the only reason.”

Donghyun always painfully right. Youngmin felt as if he got busted doing something wrong, an ugly feeling he didn't deserve to feel because he did nothing. At that point, he considered telling him what was making his head spin, that meeting someone called Woong woke inside him a bubbling curiosity that he was trying hard to forget. But nothing good seemed to happen if he does, he would only gain the worry of his friend and he wasn't trying to make him upset over something as inconsequential as this was.

“I just was confused. It could have ended pretty bad back there, I keep thinking about what would have happened if we weren't lucky.” Youngmin wasn't lying, that was not a lie, he actually thought of it before. If the girl died that day, an actual angel of death would have appeared and they would have been caught in the wrong place at the wrong moment.

“I know it was bad, it also scared me. I got enough of humanity for now… Just don't think more _what ifs_ because those didn't happen.”

Donghyun patted his back and made a motion with his hand that told him to keep walking. They didn't talk about the topic anymore but random stuff. Yeah, this is how it should be, this is how this crazy experience ends. They would not get between the business of humans ever again, they will never accept Daehwi's crazy ideas again, they will never go through this again. They will have time for interactions with humanity when they finish their studies. And for Youngmin, Woong would be an empty name soon.

Donghyun said his usual goodbye and took the turn to the left, parting ways with his friend who continued walking straight. Youngmin was about to reach home when he had the idea to go to the tiny market that was some blocks away to buy some edibles, it's been a long time since he had those and they always put him in a good mood. Human food was so good. And because he had self-control, he wasn't going to fall into gluttony like some humans do. He ignored his house to head to the little shop.

Not many people where in the streets at that hour, almost dawn on a working day, the neighborhood was already quiet and Youngmin liked that. He was looking around the nice small generic houses and the details on them, like their gardens and dogs, cats too, some of them had statues or gnomes and some others just had really simple facades. The last light of sun was staining everything with a shade of orange that gave the street a peaceful feeling, just like what Youngmin needed: some peace. He inhaled deeply while stretching his arms to the sky, he felt a weight off of his shoulders. There wouldn't be more messiness in his existence now, just his boring life and his routine and this nice side of the town.

While looking around, he noticed someone on the other side of the street, the person was going in the opposite direction as him. His attention got called: it was a boy that he recognized, Youngmin panicked for a second and he tried to look away but it was too late, the black-haired human had seen him and, for his bad luck, waved at him.

“Nice to see you, Tommy!” Jaehwan screamed while walking away.

Youngmin stopped. It felt as if someone has thrown to him a bucket filled with ice water, he never got thrown one but this was probably what it feels like: shocking, heartbreaking and cold. A message that told him he was the most useless angel in the Upper World. Not being able to erase himself from the mind of the humans, he had no future. He knows that that would put his major in danger. The moment the professors realize this, they will not let him be a guardian angel. It was a must to be able to control his appearances around people.

He looked down at the ground while his mind went through all the times people have seen him. Did everyone recognize him? Every time he came across someone, he had stayed in their memories? What about his neighbors or the humans that he sees in a daily basis? He couldn't remember another episode like this. Maybe because he interacted with Jaehwan way too much, he could remember him. But, interaction or not, this was wrong. No one should know about him, that meant that he was putting the secret of the existence of the Upper World in danger. He was useless and a risk for everybody. Youngmin eyes were burning and he had his hands in fists in anger, it hurt. It has always hurt to had been born like this.

After a deep breath, he continued his way, walking really quickly with some growing fright. He lowered his head, yet, he kept nervously looking around every few seconds because he was too scared of coming across someone else. He should run back to his house but, after knowing his existence was doomed, he really needed those edibles more than ever. Something sweet like cookies, or chocolate, or whatever the shop had to offer to him to eat his worries away. He wouldn't give up on them just because he was endangering the whole existence of angels, he thought in an acid sarcasm.

He entered the market and stomped his way to the aisle full of groceries. _This sucks_ , he thought, _it totally sucks_. He looked through the products while constantly ranting in his head, what is he supposed to do now? After he buys this, gets home, goes to class, what happens? He gains the rage of his people as a menacing individual for their secret? He reached for a chocolate bread but someone else grabbed it at the same time, maybe if he was on a better mood, he would have let it pass but his current sanity needed that bread _right now_. Just one last time. It would be the last time he spoke to a human.

“Please, can I get the last bre-"

He turned to his side and, then, felt his insides revolve.

“Youngmin?”

Woong showed his teeth and his eyes closed in the motion. Woong appearance was so sudden that Youngmin couldn't even answer properly, opening and closing his mouth like a fish. The human was wearing a dark blue hoodie that looked quite big for his small frame, he was drowning on it and that was annoyingly cute. It was crazy to meet him again. It seemed like Woong had no intention to be an empty name anymore.

Youngmin hated himself a little for making himself believe that he would never see him again, that his life was ready to be ordinary again and that the things that went through his mind when Woong was close wasn’t a big deal when in reality, it was.

All his emotions smashed together, he couldn't believe he could feel happy when he was feeling that his existence was the worst thing ever. The fact Woong could remember him was both completely devastating and a relief. It was contradictory that a part of him wanted the human to remember him yet, it was something that confirmed him once again that he was a failed angel. Woong giggled and covered his face with one hand, Youngmin noticed the way his fingers peaked out from the big sleeve and every worrying thought washed away instantly. It was amazing how just some seconds ago he felt his world falling in front of him and now he was seeing things as bright as the blonde’s smile.

“What were you doing here? Wow! It's so nice to see you. I would never have guessed we would see again.”

The tone of his voice was so easy to get used to, going up and down softly, he talks like he is singing.

“I… just wanted to try some sweets.” He said with a dry tone, sounding like he just got punched in the stomach.

“I was craving for something sweet too! And if you are trying new things, I have to recommend those cookies and that chocolate. And, of course, the chocolate bread!” He held the bread up to his face.

“That's the last one.”

“Oh.” Woong hesitated for second, he looked like he really didn't want to give up on the bread. Then his face lighted up. “We can eat it together! Things taste better when you eat with company!”

The angel stopped his inner voice before it started to talk about the things that could go wrong if he accepted, it didn't really matter, going out with Woong sounded better than going back to his home, plus he gets to taste a new edible. Youngmin nodded and Woong almost jumped on his spot. All those little motions that he made kept surprising Youngmin, it looked like he was like this all the time, unconsciously cute. If anyone else smiled like this, talked like this and acted like this, it wouldn't come off as natural as it was for him. Youngmin felt falling even deeper in these weird sensations when he accepted it was only Woong who made him feel completely lost.

The human grabbed the products he mentioned before and leaded him to the cashier. He insisted to pay for him even though the angel never asked for it, he could pay it for himself. Angels who were constantly in the human world always had a wallet with some cash, just in case, since the modern humanity was ruled by money, they had to be prepared for anything. Usually they would just donate it to those who were in need, asking for anything on the street, but it can also be used for personal purchases like clothes, interesting books or unique human objects that could be investigated. In his case, Youngmin only bought some clothes once and the other few times, food. It was ok, the Upper World doesn't have a following of every angel’s use of money.

After they finished buying the sweets, Woong made him follow him to the river where they sat down the grass, next to the body of water. Youngmin never went this far from the portal but it was nice, the last lights of the sunset reflected in the water of the river and created a beautiful image. These were the kind of things he was losing to see when he sticks to the routine. He felt his chest heavy after thinking like that, suddenly remembering why he was sad and mad in the first place. However this day ends, he knows he couldn't escape from his destiny. He realized he would be sent to a major that didn't include any interaction with humanity, he would get prohibited the entrance to the human world. Seeing the landscape create in front of him so magically made him feel sorrowful, he wouldn't even get the opportunity to see the wonders of this unperfect yet beautiful world anymore.

“Hey, what's wrong?” Woong had stopped revolving inside the shopping bag.

“Huh?”

“You looked sad for a second.”

Youngmin was surprised for a second that Woong could read him that quickly. Then, he decided it would be good to ignore his problems for a second and enjoy the simple moment. He looked at Woong’s eyes and thought he could get used to the way his heart churn when he was with him, if he had the opportunity.

“It's nothing. Let's eat those sweets.” The blonde went back to take out the things from the bag. “May I ask, why you left so suddenly the day of the party?”

It was a question he has been asking himself all day. Woong took some time to answer.

“I think I got scared when I saw all those people quickly leaving. Also… I didn't want to bother you and your boyfriend.”

“Boyfriend?”

“Yeah, that handsome guy with the blue hair.”

“Ah, Dong-" He stopped mid-way, not sure if he had to say his name. Donghyun probably was remembered since he wasn't aware Woong was there, so he couldn't be erased from his mind that quickly. It would take some days for Woong to forget him.

“Yeah, _Dong_. I saw you guys talking all mellow between the chaos."

He shakes his head while giggling. It was funny the other thought they were together. “That's not- He is not my boyfriend.”

“Oh, I thought…”

“We are just friends.” Woong looked satisfied at the explanation, he passed him the sweets and they started eating in a comfortable silence.

Apparently, the chocolate bread was the most delicious snack because the other didn’t seem he would share it like he promised to. But Youngmin wasn’t impatient and he enjoyed looking at him eating: his slender fingers peeking out the sleeves of his hoodie while holding the bread so cutely, munching in small bites and tasting it so carefully. He even did some little sounds of enjoyment from time to time. He was so cute.

“Why do you look at me that way?”

Youngmin is dumbfounded for a second. “How do I look at you?”

“Like this.”

He put down the bread for a second to imitate what Youngmin stare looked like. He dropped his eyelids a little bit and stared at him, his eyes focused and unfocused at the same time on him, looking at Youngmin with such intensity that made the time slower and his reality blurrier. His eyes held something so deep, they were shining and they were full of something he still quite hasn’t figured out. Youngmin was petrified, hypnotized by the way Woong tilted his head back just a little. Suddenly the boy blurts a little squeal and jumps to cover Youngmin eyes with his hands. The touch was so relaxing that Youngmin didn’t even care the reason behind the action.

“You started doing it again!” Woong said. The angel couldn’t see but he could imagine him doing a little pout.

Then, he slightly removed his cover and looked at him inside the frame that his own hands have made for him. It was a little weird to admit it to himself but Youngmin realized he could look at him all the day without problems. Was he the only one who only felt like that? He wondered if Woong was feeling uncomfortable.

“That's how I look at you?”

“Yes.” After replying shyly, Woong went back to eating what's left of the chocolate bread.

“Do you hate it?”

“I don't… that's why I can't stand it.”

The angel heart started racing when he decided his next words. “Do you know why I look at you like that?”

“No?”

“Because I think you are beautiful.”

The blonde who was half way chewing the bread, got so surprised that he opened his eyes and instantly started coughing. Youngmin got alarmed, Woong was choking on the bread.

“Oh no! Oh no! Woong! Woong!” He panicked while he held him by his shoulders. “Are you ok? This is so bad! Can you breathe? Woong!”

His first reaction was to give him a few slaps on his back. The maneuver of Heimlich was now so blurry in his mind, it didn't get included in his last exams because angels weren't supposed to be _literally_ saving lives and Youngmin hated that in that moment. He checked his options and surroundings but, before he could even try something else, he noticed how Woong’s coughs were slowly turning into something different.

“So funny!” Woong managed to say between his half giggles, half coughs, that slowly increased in volume to become full loud laughs.

Youngmin took a moment to process the fact he was okay and that his life wasn't on risk. Then he joined him. There wasn't a why, he just followed along. It was funny. That's it. Thinking back, the whole scene was funny. They laughed together for a long time and, when one of them was close to stopping, the mere look to the other would get them back to laugh.

Woong cleaned the tears of laugher that had pooled in the corner of his eyes. “I can't believe I choked on my bread, that's so dumb.”

“Ah, I was so worried.”

“I saw that. _Woong! Woong!_ ” He imitated his screams along his death worried look in his eyes and he giggled. “I also got to hear your laugh. You should do it more.”

“If you say so, I'll try.”

“Amazing. Now, here, take it.” Woong passed the bread to him. “I don't want it anymore!”

Youngmin had enough of edibles for a whole week at this point but he wasn't going to say no to him, so he accepted it, at least to try the flavor of the bread that got Woong choking. He had high expectations. He took a bite and turned out to be good, like _really good_.

“This is amazing!” He exclaimed and continued eating.

“I know right? It's my favorite thing in this world.”

“Thank you for this.”

He wasn't thanking only the bread, but the moment, this small fantasy that everything was okay and that he could be laughing and enjoying this much his present.

“No problem. I got to know how your laugh and smile looks like, I think we both win today.”

The angel didn't answer at the fluttering comment and proceeded to eat a little bit more. The other sighed and hugged his legs, resting his head on his knees, looking even more tiny than usual. Now, it was Youngmin the one being observed while eating. The sun was almost out and a few starts started to appear in the sky, it was getting late.

“Youngmin, you are one of a kind." Woong almost whispered. “Usually, I figure people out pretty quickly but you seem so different to everyone else.”

At first, Youngmin thought he got caught but when he looked at Woong he realized his feelings on his words, he was being honest, his eyes looking up to him with a kind feeling. And it was almost unbelievable that all those feelings that Woong could create were always within Youngmin, absorbing him and drowning him in a confusion that made him smile inside. Every second he passes with him, those feelings were appearing more, bigger and stronger, like the stars that were appearing one by one in the now dark sky. He wanted more of it, he wanted to give more of his time to Woong.

“Let's meet again, please.”

“Yes! Gimme your number and we will settle it down through texts." He took out a cellphone that was ridiculously big from the pocket of his hoodie.

Of course, every normal human would have a cellphone nowadays, it wasn't like some years ago. He wondered if telling him he didn't have one would put him on the spot and Youngmin instantly repressed that way of thinking, he was tired of it. It was stupid to always have his guard up, risky or not, no human suspects a thing, especially in this era where everyone is way too focused on their lives to wonder about the possibilities of other existences outside the earthly life.

“I don't have a mobile phone.”

“Oh well.” He blinked a few times and put his cellphone back in the pocket. “How about tomorrow? We meet at the market, at the same time.” Woong said quickly, trying to settle down everything on the spot.

“Ok then.” Youngmin nodded. And then he said out of nowhere, his brain to mouth filter failing him. “You are also one of a kind to me, Woong.”

The enthusiastic boy was now with his hands on his face, embarrassed. Youngmin giggled because of his reaction and because the constant tickling that was attacking his stomach grew bigger.

“It's not fair. I try to act cool but I can't. I could do it yesterday, but that was before I knew you.” He finally dropped his hands, avoiding to look at him by staring to side.

He had a slight tone of pink on his cheekbones.

“And, who I am?”

Woong looked at him with determination. “My objective.”

“What?” The blonde laughed at his reaction and stood up.

“Until tomorrow, Youngmin.”

Woong had a crown of stars around his head when he said goodbye.

So stunning.

That was the image he couldn't erase from his head. Now back in his house, Youngmin should be wondering what he should do with his existence after the breaking discovery that he was more powerless than a ghost, but he chooses to daydream a little more about his now favorite human, smiling stupidly to the wall in front of him. It looked like his curiosity was never satisfied, he wants to know more than before. The next time they meet he will make sure of ask a few more questions, although lately nothing goes the way he plans, like the way he wants to act around Woong.

Youngmin couldn’t think correctly when he was with him. He felt like he acted weird that day because, really, who blurts “I think you are beautiful” like that? He facepalmed when he remembered that. But, somehow, Woong didn't seem to freak out by his totally-not-natural behavior, he was too nice or maybe even a little bit weird himself. Any other human would have start to suspect something was wrong or just push him away, instead Woong wants to spend more time with him.

Youngmin thought he should investigate a more about human psychology. He looked at the books on the shelf of the tiny and only piece of furniture he had in the living room besides a sofa, he already had some readings to do for the following lectures but those weren't calling his attention. All his studies had no reason now, knowing he would never finish them thanks to his total (he could say without doubts now) lack of powers. Youngmin was an angel without reason now. He would figure it out later, he needed some time to think, going on like nothing happened would not harm anybody, maybe himself but that was a problem that Youngmin from the future would have to deal with. For now, he wanted to enjoy knowing he would meet Woong again and that he thinks he is “one of a kind", as how he called him. No one said he was unique in a good way before, he only heard it when the older angels used it to call out his difference with the rest in a contemptuously way, and now, for once, he was called special only because he was himself.

Going over and over the words they shared today was entertaining enough to let the hours pass until he had to attend his academy. And with Woong's words on his head, he stepped out his house with a smile on his face, following the other's advice of showing it more. Youngmin wasn't a sad angel, he just likes to smiles when he wants to but maybe smiling without reason could be good too, just like Woong does. He walked a few meters until he met Donghyun in a corner.

“Now that's a scary image.”

“Hello, Donghyun." He showed his teeth while waving.

“What's with the good mood?” He smiled back in a dorky way, similar to his grin when he finds something amusing.

“No particular reason, I just feel like smiling."

“Yesterday you were acting so weird, now you are happy. It's crazy." Youngmin laughed at his comment and Donghyun got surprised. “Ok, I don't really know what goes on but I don't mind the change.”

He passed his arm over Youngmin's shoulders and joined him in his happy mood, their walk to the building looked more like little skips than normal steps. Youngmin liked it this way. Donghyun didn’t have to know yet that he will have to abandon his major and the reason of his mood swings was a human.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> would you believe me if i told you that this chapter is the one im the most insecure about?  
> like, out of all the chapters (i have some more prewritten), this one was so hard!  
> it took me weeks just because i couldn't potray it the way i wanted it.  
> but, it is necessary for what it comes next.  
> anyways, ill try to publish the next one as soon as i can so you all can forget this one lmao.  
> i hope it makes u look forward for more,  
> bye <3


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i dont know why i thought i would update quicker. anyways, here i am posting this at almost 2AM from my phone for the first time (i hope technology doesn't hate me and gets ruined for some unknown reason).  
> again, thanks for reading me.

Going for a whole day with high spirits (a metaphor humans say to refer to someone who is enthusiastic) was a good experience. His lessons passed more quickly and it was a contagious thing: Donghyun also smiled as much as him. It was slightly tiring but smiling without a reason wasn't something unpleasant. By the end of his classes, he was exhausted from stepping out of his usual quiet mood so he toned it down a little bit. _So, this is how Woong lives_ , Youngmin can imagine him going each day with his characteristic smile and enjoying every little detail he can find in his daily routine. He could learn more from him a thing or two.

“Do you want to come over to my house? One of my progenitors came back from his assigned case of guarding a conflictive human. We can learn a lot of stuff from that.”

Donghyun suddenly invited him in their way out of the classroom. And the orange haired knew he had to refuse, not because he wasn't interested on it, but because he was going to see Woong soon. 

“I can't. I'm going to be reading the whole afternoon, a professor sent me more material.”

That was a half lie because it was half true, he did have readings to do. Yet, no matter how many excuses he puts for himself, he didn't feel right, he knew he was saying a lie. He was lying to his best friend, on his face, and it wasn't a white lie. In that moment, he felt a heavy feeling because he realized he was hiding things from Donghyun and it didn't make him feel proud. But he had to, he couldn't see another option. If he talked about the way he was constantly interacting with a human that remembers him, Donghyun would scream at him to stop because it was dangerous. And that's the problem: he didn't want to stop seeing Woong.

His friend didn't reply, even if that, for a moment, he looked like he wanted to since he opened his mouth only to close it and move onto another topic. Youngmin apologized internally; he promised he would do anything he can do so that his lie didn’t last long. Recalling his studies on the topic, he remembered that truth would always appear, it was one of the very first principles he learned about ethics. And he prefers that if, in the end, Donghyun gets to know the truth, it comes from his own mouth and not someone else. It was slightly uncomfortable for him to go against something as important as saying the truth was.

They parted ways silently and Youngmin walked in a slow pace, being over conscious about what he was going to do. Donghyun wasn't there anymore but he felt the need to make sure he took some minutes more than usual to reach home. Then, he counted up to ten, and continued his way to the market. Indeed, hiding something was a really ugly feeling.

When he was just some meters away, he could devise the recognizable figure of Woong. He would have got there even quicker if it wasn't for the fact that he wasn't alone. Next to him, a slightly taller boy was talking to him, almost looking angry by the way he was sharply moving his arms while speaking but he still looked pretty motionless in comparison of Woong, who was gesturing way more, opening his arms, moving side to side, shaking his head. They were discussing and it didn't seem appropriate for Youngmin to step in, so that’s why he decided he would appear when they were finished. He didn’t have a better idea than to hide behind a tree. It couldn't cover his figure at all but he felt well-hidden somehow because the boys that were speaking weren't paying attention to anything else than their own discussion. Youngmin watched from his hiding spot.

He realized it was Woojin, the other boy from the party, the one who gave him a bad feeling. Woojin looked pissed off the more they spoke, slowly losing his composure. In that moment, he grabbed Woong by the waist and leaned in to say something in his ear. Youngmin suddenly felt like he was eating bitter chocolate, tasting something so unpleasant that his stomach turn in a way that made him consider to step in only to separate them. He thought he had known many feelings already but they kept appearing, this time it wasn't a good one. 

Woong heard the other carefully for some seconds but then stepped away from him and shook his head. Woojin didn't seem to like that reaction and tried to gain his attention again by grabbing him by the arm. Youngmin didn't liked it not even a bit, that hold looked way too rude for him. In the other hand, Woong wasn't reacting to it, he only stared the taller green haired human in silence. The angel stepped out, ready to go towards them two, but at the same time, Woojin suddenly left, leaving a very thinking Woong staring to the ground. Youngmin hands became fists. Whatever that guy had told Woong couldn't be right because now the other didn't look as bright as he usually did. 

Youngmin breathed in and finally got closer to him, the human suddenly switching to a better mood at seeing him. That detail didn't go unnoticed, Youngmin was moved that could have the same effect Woong has on him. Not matter the weird scene he has seen, Woong could still smile at him.

“Hi, Youngmin!”

He could go on without commenting what he saw, act like nothing happened but the scene was echoing in his mind. It was the first time he saw Woong disgusted. 

“Hello, Woong, how are you?”

“I'm fine." Youngmin wondered the veracity of that affirmation.

“Who was that guy?” He asked straightforwardly.

“Uh? Oh… So, you saw that…” Woong avoided to look at him in the eye, instead, he looked to his feet that he kept bending to the insides. 

Youngmin already knew that the guy's name was Woojin and that he looked angry all the time but that's not the answer he was waiting for, he wanted to know about the thing he just saw, what it meant, why Woojin could be like that with him. His eyes layered on Woong's arm, then his waist, thinking back to every touch he saw and it felt weird inside. What kind of relationship those two had?

“I'll explain later better, let's start going then.”

“Going? Where?”

“You thought we were going to the market again? We aren't doing the same today!”

The boy grabbed his hand and took him to the opposite direction from the path they took yesterday, this time Youngmin didn't just let him hold his hand but he also grabbed back tightly and Woong bit his lips to repress a smile. The weird bitter feeling was still there, somewhere, but Youngmin could hold it back, it gets overshadowed by the excitement of not knowing where Woong was taking him. They walked a few blocks together, coming closer to the main streets of the city. The angel should be scared yet he isn't, he didn’t care if people see him, he didn’t care if they see him with Woong, he didn’t care about nothing at all other than that moment.

Woong leaded him to a coffee shop that looked old, it probably wasn't, it was just a simulation many humans liked to do nowadays. “Vintage”, they call it. Youngmin curiously looked around, there were only a few people so the ambient was nice and quiet. The strong smell of coffee hit him like a slight breeze and he inhaled it deeply, then he realized he never tried coffee before. He turned to Woong almost in panic and he encountered his eyes focused on him while smiling slightly and Youngmin wondered how long he had been looking at him like that.

“Woong, I don't know what I should ask for.”

“Do you like coffee?”

Caffeine has a double effect on humans: it makes them become wide awake while make them really tired after the high, but since angels don't sleep there was no way to know how it will affect him. Youngmin went for the safe option. 

“No?”

“Then let's ask for something soft." He approached the cashier and made their order.

“I would like a grapefruit honey black tea and a melon milkshake."

Youngmin prepared his wallet but the other didn't even let him get it out of his pocket. He protested. “You already paid for me yesterday, let me do it now.”

“No, no, no. It's okay.” Woong moved quickly and offered his money. When he saw Youngmin frowned eyebrows, he laughed and added: “Next time, I promise I'll let you pay. And I will not hold myself back!”

The angel wasn't really angry about it, he just didn't want to look like he was taking advantage of him but it was hard to resist Woong. He shook his head and couldn't help to smile. Youngmin liked the way he kept saying things like “next time", it meant he looked forward for more time together.

“What a cute couple." The cashier commented while charging their order. They both giggled shyly and looked at each other for a second, probably thinking if they should correct her or not. They had no time to be technical in terms. “Your order will be ready in a second.”

After they took their drinks, they sit down on one of the tables that were next to the windows that showed the street. Outside you could see the small park that was in front of the coffee shop. There were many people enjoying the afternoon like them. Youngmin give a quick glance around the table. The shop had many details that made it look straight from the decade of the ’90s: the wood of the seats looked old and used, the bright light bulbs of the lamps were really yellow and funny looking and the dark palette of the colors of the walls gave a sophisticated vibe. Along with the nice background jazzy music that could be heard if you focused enough, it was a nice atmosphere.

“One question before we start: Do you have any plans for today? Yesterday I had to do something and left quickly. Today I want to spend more time with you."

“I don't, I'm free for the rest of today." A slight worry of turning down Donghyun’s invitation got mixed with the flattered feeling of Woong wanting to be together for more time.

Woong made a tiny sound of approbation and started his drink. Youngmin copied him and tried the melon milkshake, it didn’t taste like he expected to. It tasted… weird. The flavor itself was not disgusting but it didn't fit his own taste, it's too much for him. He heard a laugh and Woong exchanged their drinks.

“Here, take the tea. You should have seen your face. I thought you would like the milkshake more, I guess I was wrong.”

“Thanks.” He took a sip of the new cup he had in front. This one was more acceptable for him. It was fresh.

“We just kissed.”

“What?” Youngmin said alarmed and tried to think a way that that could have happened, thinking that some kind of human logic just skipped by him. Did the way of kissing change?

“Indirect kiss.”

The blonde said in a funny tone and pecked the straw of the drink that was Youngmin's some seconds ago. It was an innocent joke but Youngmin couldn’t help the way his heart vibrated, or at least, that's how it felt like, because it was not physically possible. Because of his nervousness, he laughed like one of those things humans like to build, all fake and mechanic. He forgot how they are called.

“Ok. Let's start. Hi, my name is Jeon Woong.”

Youngmin takes a second to react. “Why are you introducing yourself when we have met already?”

“Yeah, we did. But this time it's different, the last times were accidental. Now, I asked you to come, setting time and place. It's a date."

Woong said the last word clearly, looking curious to see the reaction of the other. The angel was taken back, he knew almost nothing about these topics, he was not majoring to be a cupid angel that takes care of these things. He couldn't believe he was on a date with a human. That made him feel completely lost. What was he supposed to do? What a date meant? Woong was romantically interested in him? So many questions made him forget to reply, his heartbeat covering any other sound he can perceive, drumming against his ears. Incredibly, his fear came in hand with a wave of excitement. 

“Well, it doesn't have to be one if you do-"

“Hi Woong, I'm Lim Youngmin." The other smiles.

“Nice to meet you. What are your interests, Youngmin?”

“Me?” Those are things he has never been asked before. He tried to quickly think of something mundane he enjoys. “Uh, I like… books.”

“Oh, are you the nerdy type?”

Youngmin snorted, he remembered the day Donghyun learned that word from overhearing a conversation of two kids, he called him a nerd for days. “You could say so.”

“Look at you, showing off your big brain.” Youngmin shook his head while giggling and they shared a laugh. “I'm so basic. I was going to say I like music, but… who doesn't like music?”

“Well, music nowadays…”

“I bet you are listening to the wrong music, I'll show you some good songs.” He sounds confident. Woong was about to drink some more but suddenly stopped with a confused face. “You sounded so old right now- Wait, how old are you?”

“I'm… I'm 24 years old.”

Youngmin wasn't sure if that was correct. When he was born, he wasn't aware of what year the human world was on. If he thinks the time lineally, Donghyun is slightly older than him, because he was born before, just by a little period of time. He has heard Donghyun was 24 human years old so he decided to go with it. Imagine if his friend could hear him stealing his age.

“Oh, so you are older, I'm 23.” Woong took a long sip before continuing. “What are you majoring in? Because, I guess your clothes are a uniform, or you like to go around with a white shirt and nice black pants looking ready for a formal party all the time?”

Youngmin smiled flustered.

“Yeah, I am a student. I am majoring in… Public Services." It was the human equivalent, kind of. He hoped that was enough information for him.

“Oh, boy is going for the money, huh? We are so different, I tried to major in Music but I dropped out.”

He laughed embarrassed and went back to his milkshake. A silence appeared and it made Youngmin remember the question he has been wanting to ask, about what happened before they headed together to the coffee. Woong had asked enough, it was his turn now.

“I thought you would explain me what happened before.”

The blonde thought for little bit, not because he didn't know what he was referring to, he didn’t look lost at the question, but because he was looking for the exact words to answer.

“It’s my flat mate, Woojin. We are friends.”

“And if you two are friends, why he was treating you like that?”

“Ah, we were just talking about the way I accidentally locked him out yesterday. It's nothing, don't worry about it.”

“Even if you are friends, he shouldn't treat you like that.”

“I think you are exaggerating, he is usually like that. I know he means no harm.”

“Why are you defending him?”

“Are you jealous?”

The angel grabbed the tea and didn't answer, because he didn't know how. Jealous? As in jealously? That was a dangerous thing. Jealously may look innocent at first but Youngmin have heard what it does to humans, he never expected to be associated with it. He wondered if the annoyance he felt could be defined like that. No way. Woong snorted at his lack of words.

“I don't like jealous people.”

“I wasn't jealous, I was worried.” The blonde giggles at his quick reply.

After that, they stop talking about Woojin and go on random topics. Youngmin never knew he could talk that much. The conversation went smoothly when that Woong didn’t ask more specific personal questions that could put him in the spot, instead, he was more curious to know about his favorite taste of ice cream or his opinion on why drawing can be so difficult. Woong moves his hands side to side while explaining and opens his eyes wide to put emphasis that drawing is, indeed, _super hard_. His lips go in a pout then to a line, he laughs and goes back to pouting. Youngmin liked to admire him and the way he gets so enthusiastic on whatever he starts talking about, he only replied when it was needed, saying mint chocolate was a valid option and that drawing wasn't hard as it seems. They go on hours and hours talking, their cups already empty and the sun gone long time ago. 

He liked it so much it made him feel sad when Woong told him they should get going since the owner of the coffee shop was staring at them with bad eyes for staying for way too long, they couldn't close the shop because of them. Youngmin snickered at Woong comment on how the people are probably hating them. 

“I can walk you home." Youngmin started when they stepped out. It was a warm night and the street looked quite empty.

“Don't worry, I live quite close from here. Should I walk you home?”

He didn't want to be a burden. “No, it's fine. I can make my way back without problems. When will I see you again?”

“I have to work so, the next Thursday? Same hour, same place?”

Youngmin quickly remembered it was Monday. _That's three days from today_ , he told to himself.

“Yes.”

“Yeah, well…” Woong said vaguely and stared at his feet, balancing side to side. There's an expectation building somewhere and it screamed inside Youngmin when he saw Woong approaching. He got on his tip toes and, while a cute scent of vanilla filled Youngmin's nose, he gave him a shy peck on the cheek. “See you around.”

Youngmin was frozen in his spot, the only thing he managed to do in his surprise was cover his cheek, as if the kiss would get lost in the air. He watched the blonde waddle some steps away until the corner of the street, where he looked back at him and giggled. Woong threw his hands in the air to tell him he was overreacting but Youngmin knew he wasn’t, so the angel shook his head to deny it and tell his reaction was accurate. The boy covered his whole face with his hands for a moment, then his smile, because he was smiling, Youngmin could tell by the way his eyes closed in tiny crescents. He slowly shook away his surprise to wave at him with his free hand, the other one still glued on the skin of his cheek. Woong did the same and the angel knew he will save the image of his small figure waving him so enthusiastically under the street light of the corner. 

The human had left already but Youngmin was still on the same spot, on the same position, on the same feeling. He felt like laughing and he did, he laughed alone in the street while holding his cheek. Maybe he was going insane, there wasn't an explanation on why he was acting like this, he just felt like. Inside him, a tickling sensation made his heart happy and it repeated all over again when he remembered Woong's shy kiss. 

“Oh, you are still here Romeo?" When he turned around, he saw the employee of the coffee shop of today. He was about to tell them that his name was Youngmin, not Romeo, but she continued talking. “My boss was really mad.”

“Sorry about the inconvenience.”

“But I'm not mad! I got to make some extra hours thanks to you guys, please come back with your boyfriend whenever you want!”

He smiled at her words. “We will.” The worker said goodbye and left through the same street that Woong left some minutes ago. 

After his sudden excitement, the rollercoaster of feelings kept going on and, slowly, his happiness evolved into a slightly confusing feeling. He stared walking quickly back to home with his hand still pressing his face. And through a mix of emotions, his mind starts to recall what happened that day. He remembered all the curious words he heard: couple, date, boyfriend. All those words were love related and Youngmin had no idea what they meant or what is love exactly. He only heard about the way two angels can fall in love. They said you just know it. When two or more souls get connected, all they wish was to be together to the end of the times or their existences. Once he even thought he was in love with Donghyun, or Daehwi, or both of them, since they were the angels who grew up with him and he wanted to spend his time with them but he realized it wasn't exactly love. He wondered if it's the same for humans, or… a human and an angel. It was complicated. 

The only thing he was sure about was that what he was feeling lately was something new that he has yet to put a name on it. He needed to read something about this.

At his home, he tried to see if any book he had was about this love topic but it was quite difficult to try to search for it with only one hand. Youngmin gave up when he saw that he had nothing, the books he has bought from the human world were basically about history and the one he brought from the Upper World (those in the human world, it changed its appearance and language) was about something else. The books he had didn't even come close to what he was looking for. He could study about it the next afternoon since he wasn't going to meet Woong. The orange sunlight that was coming through the curtains told him the night already left. Because he arrived late, he felt it shorter than usual.

He stepped outside and went to the corner where Donghyun was waiting for him like any other day. His friend stared at him for some seconds and Youngmin wondered if he had something on his face.

“Um, why are you holding your cheek like that?”

 _Oh_. He still was doing it.

“Because…” He didn't know what to say, so he forced himself to put his hand away. Woong’s kiss was now floating in the air. “It's nothing, let's go.”

His friend didn’t seem to like that answer because he kept staring at him. That made him feel really nervous for some reason.

“I don't get why you are acting like this lately. First you are mad, then stupidly happy, then you reject me, and now you are avoiding to even look at me in the eye…”

“Sorry."

“Don't apologize for something you aren't even explaining.” Donghyun sighed deeply. “You will tell what goes on in the end, right?” He looked full of hope but his voice had a sad tone in it. 

“Don't worry about me.”

A silence appeared and the air felt heavy around them for some minutes. Until Donghyun tried to change the topic and the mood with an awkward smile. Youngmin thought his friend was way too nice sometimes.

“Anyways, today, after class, want to go eat an ice cream together?”

“I… will go to the Main Library after class."

Donghyun groaned in an exaggerated way, he was trying to be funny. Youngmin was thankful for that. The older angel turned around to act offended and showed him his back. Youngmin laughed at him and hugged him from behind.

“But we can go tomorrow!” 

“I can't believe you are such a nerd!”

Youngmin laughed loud, it's the second time he got called a nerd in so little time. He made his hug uncomfortably tighter to the point his laughing friend was trying to get out by wriggling. After they stopped fake-quarreling, they went to the portal to attend their lectures.

Youngmin knew that Donghyun didn't let his bad feelings go just like that. They didn't end in a bad mood yet he knew that the ash haired angel is still being suspicious about him. When they parted ways, Youngmin heading to the Main Library and Donghyun to the portal to go back to his house, he told him to take care. And that's an important gest. He never tells Youngmin to take care, that’s the cue it told him that Donghyun was still thinking about him and that he will need to think a way to talk about it with him soon. His friend was incredibly observant and intelligent, he knew something was going on but he decided to let it pass for now. 

Instead of going to the exit with him, he went to the opposite side that takes him to the center of this part of the Upper World. It's been a time since he walked this sphere and no matter how old he gets, it's still mesmerizing. 

This world wasn't like humans believed it looked like, it wasn't like the “heaven" they created in their collective imagination. There were two gargantuan constructions similar to towers that were next to each other, like two skyscrapers, with many, many floors but it was incomparable with anything else. The towers didn't have many walls, it was mostly columns that held the structure together, and when one looked to the outside, to the extensions of the horizon, you couldn’t see much. The view looked blurry even when nothing was covering it, there wasn't any dust or clouds in the air. 

Everything in this world looked brighter and that was because the Light was existing in the same plane. It was on the last level of the other tower, that looked like a mirage from where he was. Youngmin had no idea what each one of the levels of towers had and if he looked up, he couldn’t devise much because of the brightness, he could only see a few columns. He doesn't move from this level, where the Services Faculty, the Main Library and the residence of professors were. He couldn't go freely through floors like the other angels. Well, he had moved levels once, when he decided his major and got assisted to get to this part of the tower with two angels from the Organization. The embarrassment of the moment, the inquisitive look of the Higher Order gave him for choosing Services and the whole process of getting accepted, it was a memory he didn't want to remember.

The inside of the Main Library is illogically big compared to its outer façade. The architecture was similar to what a human catholic cathedral looks like but, instead of wooden benches, there were aisles and aisles, full of bookshelves with different types of manuscripts. He goes up to the 7 feet tall, long white-haired angel in the main desk, located in the center of the library. 

“Oh, it's the young angel. It's been a while since you came here.” Being a usual visitant, the angel already recognized him. “What are you looking for this time?”

“I'm searching for books of… human love.”

“I thought you were majoring in Services, not Relationships.” The comment came in a quick sharp tone, yet it still holds the same monotonous, lifeless feeling it always has. That made him feel uncomfortable.

“I am, this is just for a special class.” 

Youngmin realized how easy lying could be.

“I see. We have a section related to the topic after the aisle of Psychology, to the right, in the back.”

“Thank you.”

“Will you need assistance to reach the higher shelves?”

Every time, he gets asked and every time, he refuses. He knew it wasn't something good, but he didn't like the angels that worked for the Organization.

“It's fine, I'll just check the ones in my reach.”

Like the levels of the Upper World, the codexes were at different heights. The shelves were as tall as double floored houses, normal angels had no problems in reaching the high ones. Technically, they didn't fly like birds, they just ascend through the air like feathers. Youngmin was envy of that, he couldn’t imagine the amount of information he was missing for not being able to reach more than the height of his own head. He walked towards the back of the library, noticing how few angels were there, reading and looking for texts on the high but, when he arrived to the section he was looking for, he noticed that no one else was in that part of the library. 

The search for something that could call his attention started, slowly going through each manuscript. He was so curious to know how humans defined love. If Woong asking him to a date meant love, if his innocent kiss meant love or the way his eyes shined when he was with him meant love but the texts were only going over the positive points that falling in love had for the souls of the humans, they were way too technical. There wasn't a book that would describe what he wanted, they were outdated. Youngmin looked up. Maybe the ones that he couldn't reach were more actualized.

He sighed and got up from the many piles of papers he had created around him while sitting down. Defeated, he was going to ask for help for the first time in his existence. He really didn't want to, the librarian already gave him a weird look when he asked for love related books and he wasn’t excited to know if they would nicely help in his weird search. It was understandable though. Because he wasn't going to be a cupid angel, it was expected to see other angels weirded out by his sudden curiosity about human love. Suddenly, after walking a few meters, an angel landed right in front of him. Youngmin jumped back, thinking that the other was really rude for going back to the ground that quickly without even looking down.

“Hey, that was inconsiderate.” The angel faced him and Youngmin anger disappeared, realizing who they were. “Daehwi?”

“Oh, it's Youngmin!” He hugged him with his free arm, the other one was full of books. 

“What are you doing here?”

“Ah, my annoying professor wanted us to look for the material for the next class, don't you think that's funny?” He said sarcastically while shaking his head. “When I switched majors and dropped Relationships for Death, I didn't think they would put me through so many obstacles. What about you?”

“I'm reading about love.”

“Huh? Why?”

Youngmin was dying to tell someone about Woong. He wanted to tell everyone he knew about him and the way he wants to spend all his time with him. It was already difficult to tell Donghyun, his structured friend would almost always try to follow the rules, but if there was someone who he can tell and not get directly judged, it was Daehwi, the young extroverted angel who always get what he wants by his strong will. Youngmin got closer and whispered his secret.

“I had a date with a human.”

Daehwi’s dramatic self dropped the stuff he was holding. He looked at him with big eyes and then to both sides with his hands on the air. His reaction was too funny, the older angel snorted on his fist, what he was doing?

“I'm- What!? What? What? You gotta tell me everything right now, Lim Youngmin!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> he is a secondary character but daehwi is my favorite one in this fic, his scenes are soooo funny to write. he is a king.  
> also, did you guys notice i changed the rating? he he, well, about that: i was finishing some details on the storyline and i think this one fits better. ive discussed w many mutuals and thought about it a LOT. i'ts nothing too crazy, i promise, (remember i thought teens and up was okay) yet i can't say much, i'm against any kind of spoilers. dont panick! dont worry! i will be putting the respective warnings in each chapter that needs it so everyone can read peacefully.  
> we still have a long way for those tho, so for now let's enjoy the happiness of their first date, _d'awwwww._  
>  till next update <3


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i took my time to update but here i am.  
> read the notes at the end.  
> (daehwi best character btw.)

“Don't scream Daehwi please!”

“But… a date!?”

Youngmin shushed him and quickly grabbed Daehwi's things from the floor because the other was way too shocked to even care about his own books.

“Wait, we can't talk about this here.” Daehwi grabbed him by the arm and dragged him to a different aisle. “Here they have all the books about the human plagues and, believe me, no angel of death wants to remember the busy times. No one will come here.”

The enthusiastic angel made him sit down on the floor and wriggled in excitement, clapping a few times, ready to hear everything he had to tell him. Youngmin started from the very begging, from the first time he accidentally met Woong in the party, about how he was so shocked because of his beauty and the way he was the only thing in his head that night. Then, he told him they met again and spent some time together. Youngmin didn't tell him the detail of him realizing he was absolutely powerless and how that was the reason the human recognized him, instead he changed the story to tell him it was him who made Woong remember him, even if it was against the rules. He wanted Daehwi to only listen about the human related problems, not his own problems. Of course, he also described their date and the many things he has been feeling lately. He told him almost everything.

“He kissed you?”

Youngmin covered his face with his hands and nodded.

“On the lips?”

“No! No, what are you saying?

“And… you wanna kiss him on the lips?” Daehwi said with suggestive tone.

“What!?”

“You did good in telling me Youngmin because I can explain you more about this than the whole shelves of these old unrealistic texts.” He said while pointing around them then he made his fingers snap. “As an ex-student of Relationship and an avid humanity knowledgest, I can tell you: that _could_ be love.”

“Elaborate?”

“That boy asked you on a date, didn't bother to correct the human who referred you two as boyfriends, he has flirted with you many times.” Daehwi counted with his fingers while looking up somewhere. “He is interested in you. And all those symptoms you been feeling, your whole _I-don't-know-what-is-this boo hoo_ discourse, makes it clear that you are also interested.”

“But I didn't feel _the_ feeling, you know, the one that makes you want to be with them forever.”

“Because that's angel love, Youngmin. It's not the same. Human love is like that: messy, stupid, blurry, it comes and goes and it never makes much sense.”

He lost his words, unable to answer, because he was trying to understand it. How crazy was to know that love could be that unorganized to the point it doesn't follow any logic, it was an idea he would have never have guessed. He thought love was supposed to be a fact, a state, a determinant in your life, not an unstable way of feeling.

“Why do you think humans don’t marry the moment they realize it's love like angels do? It takes them time. And maybe you'll need time too, to see if you are going serious with it or not.”

“Are you implying that I can be not serious about this? Do you think I can back off from this?” The other shrugged his shoulders and Youngmin felt lost once again. He can ‘unlove' Woong too? “I'm still going to take some books with me though.”

“I can't believe you.” The younger said while shaking his head. Youngmin stood up and Daehwi did the same.

“You and Donghyun are always making fun about my avid readings but you'll see tha-“ He stopped midway. “Oh, right, Donghyun…”

“What about him?”

“I haven't told him anything and he knows something is up.”

Again with the big reactions, Daehwi gasped, covered his mouth with both hands and spun around with little steps. “I can't believe it, wow, you haven't told him but you told me? That means we are both hiding something for him now. That's low.”

“I couldn't tell him, you know how he is. He will tell me to stop seeing Woong.”

“Well, that's true. I get it, ok, don't tell him until you figure things out. Till then, try to keep it low, don't be so obvious about it. You know what I'm referring to.”

He listened to him while they both walked back together to the aisle where Youngmin was before. Youngmin approached the mess he made with the codexes and tried to remember in which position the books were before. The other didn’t look like he wanted to help with that so instead Youngmin asked him for another favor.

“Be useful. Can you help me and search for something good up there?” They both looked up and Daehwi understood what he was referring to. The younger angel protested but did as told, his feet leaving the floor and going up to the last shelves. Meanwhile, Youngmin made sure to leave the place as tidy as he found it.

The words of his friend were floating around his head like Daehwi himself, he wondered the meaning behind them. He went to the library to search for answers, not for more questions that made him feel insecure for not being able to understand right away. Youngmin really was getting himself into something he hasn’t read about before, something that was an unexplored territory. All that because of Woong. He was ready to do all these risky things for him. At that moment, Daehwi got back to his side in a sharp landing.

“Can you stop doing that?”

He ignored his complain. “Between the most recent books, I've found thi-"

“Recent books?”

“Yeah, the books are in order from the newest to oldest. From up to down.”

“Why no one has told me that before?”

“Because you never asked?”

Youngmin looked up and a wave of sadness hit him. He couldn’t imagine what kind of texts, knowledge and stories he was missing for not being able to reach them. For being like _this_.

“Hey, don't worry about it. You are not missing big.” Daehwi tried to comfort him while placing a hand on his shoulder and holding him firmly. It didn't work much, Daehwi couldn't know what it felt like. For Youngmin, he was, indeed, missing big. The youngest changed the topic quickly. “Look what I've found. This will help, I think. It's a human romantic novel.”

“Novel? Do we have human literature here?”

“Just a few, mostly in the new secti- Anyways! As I was saying, this will help you understand what I mean by messy.”

The book title was “The sunset” and the cover there was a couple hugging and facing each other, behind them, the sun was leaving the sky by hiding in the sea of a beach. Youngmin looked at it doubtly, wondering if this would actually help. Then, he looked at Daehwi who slowly nodded a couple times with a confident smile. He couldn't say no to Daehwi, no matter how irritating he could be, he was his most adorable friend. He sighed and accepted the recommendation. They were to about to leave but Daehwi stopped them.

“We should leave separately. To not be suspicious?”

“Why would it be suspicious to leave together? In fact, it would be more suspicious to not leave together because everyone knows we are friends.”

“I don’t know, angel, but if you get caught on this, I don't wanna be dragged in.”

“Daehwi!”

Said one laughed aloud and went up, quickly moving away through the air. Sometimes Daehwi acted like a mischievous kiddo. He was known for having a carefree personality and by the fact that he was one of the few angels that had changed majors by pure choice. His story was known. He was always remembered like the brave angel who went by himself and explained his situation to the High Order: his progenitors had forced him to become a cupid angel in the first place and, without asking him, signed him up to study in that major. But he fought for a change in his life. After getting his transferring approved, he started his major in Afterlife.

Usually the only changes that had some opportunity in getting approved was those that were because of health issues, bigger circumstances or the lack of capacity of the angel. Like Youngmin. He suddenly thought the bother that would have to do all those formalities. At least the Organization’s bureaucracy was quick and effective, the problem will be to face the embarrassment of retracting from the decision he fought so bad for. In the end the other angels were right: no matter how much he wished, he was not going to be a guardian angel.

With his now low mood, he approached the librarian again to burrow the novel in his hand. He was expecting a comment or a weird look by the choice of book he did but got none. Youngmin presented his ID and, after some annotations, he got it back and could leave without problems from the library, ready to go back to his house. Even after he questioned Daehwi’s choice, he was actually enthusiastic to start reading. Like every other book he has read, each of them was an adventure to start, a way to escape. However, this time it meant more than just a simple reading because he would have a name to think about while doing so.

It took him only some seconds after arriving his house to get to the book. He hasn't read much human literature, only a few extracts he has seen in class, however, he never had read a novel before. It was weird at first, there wasn't an introduction, or an abstract, or annotations to understand what some sentences mean. It was difficult. The first ten pages took him more than expected because he had to stop and try to decipher what each weird metaphors that humans used to express themselves meant. They were so creative. Imagine saying that something was a “breeze” means it was easy. Why wind was supposed to be associated to easiness like that?

Youngmin was slightly annoyed by the way the texts weren’t clear in some aspects, there wasn't any logical explanation and the events kept happening without any introduction nor stop. Just after he got the basic idea of the story, that happened after reading once again the ten pages, he decided it was enough for that day. The unsatisfactory taste that he felt after reading was not something he was used to do, reading was supposed to make one feel better, able to understand things differently or invite you to reflect on stuff. Daehwi was annoying him even through texts now.

 _The morning habit repeats like a déjà vu_ , he used the new expression learned in his mind while closing the door. He wasn't expecting to see Donghyun in front of his house, with a wide smile.

“Morning!” Youngmin shook his head at the obvious behavior of his friend. “You haven't forgot it right? You'll buy me ice cream today.”

“I'm the one paying?”

“Of course, I deserve it.” He laughed at the comment, it didn't make any difference who paid. They started their way until Donghyun spoke again. “I do deserve it, you've been pushing me away lately, tell me what was the last time we spent quality time?”

“It was-"

“The time we spent in class or when we come and go back together doesn't apply.” The younger didn't reply and Donghyun pointed at him. “See?”

“Okay, yes, you are right, whatever you say.”

Donghyun had that playful mood the whole day.

When his eyes would come across him, he would smile and mouth the words “ice cream” to him while his ceph moved playfully over his head, like a candle when air blows softly over the flame. It was hard to focus on the lectures with him giving thumbs up secretly from time to time. It’s been a while since he has seen Donghyun so jolly and it made Youngmin happy. He had been unconsciously (then consciously after meeting Woong) pushing him away somehow. He did deserve some ice cream after the way he had acted, he could have been a better best friend. After the last class was over, Donghyun dragged him out of the classroom and almost ran to the portal. They walked together and Youngmin noticed how they passed by his house; he recognized the path they were taking.

“Are we going to the minimarket that is on this street?” He said in a worried tone that made the other look at him confused.

“Yeah, it’s the closest one or do you know another one?

“No, its fine.”

He remembered Daehwi advice to “keep it low” or whatever he said, it was nothing wrong to go to the same market where some days ago he went with Woong. It just felt weird to go there with his friend, as if the walls could talk or the products of the aisle would give enough hints to Donghyun to magically realize he has been lying to him. He tried to calm himself down. The market would tell him nothing, Youngmin was being paranoid. Every day that passed he was starting to hate more and more the way that hiding something felt. Lying sucks.

They entered the market and Donghyun went straight to the cooler to search for his beloved ice cream. Youngmin looked around, with an illogical fear of meeting something, or someone, that wasn’t in his plan. It would be a disaster if Woong was there, the human has told him he was going to be working but yet, he couldn’t feel safe. He quickly walked through the three aisles from a side.

First one, it was empty.

Second one, just an old man looking for cigars.

And third one, Donghyun by the freezer.

Woong wasn’t there. Nothing to worry about.

“Youngmin! Come here! Which flavor you want?” His friend said when he saw him at the end of the aisle. After a deep breath, he went by his side.

“I will take the same as you.”

“Choco it is.” His friend grabbed two packs of chocolate ice cream and went to the cashier. He looked back at him with a smile to add: “You will pay, right?”

But Youngmin couldn’t answer, he had his eyes locked with the cashier. Maybe the walls couldn’t speak but the cashier could. He knows he remembers him by the way his eyebrows dropped in a different expression. His heart started to race from fear, if he spoke it would be over, in any way. If he commented about him buying sweets with Woong, it was over. If he said he remembers him, it was over. Youngmin didn’t want to Donghyun to know about Woong or that humans could remember him yet. He would have to do a lot of explaining.

Maybe Youngmin expression was enough to let the human know he wasn't happy to see him again, because he dropped his smiley expression, blinked a few times and only focused on passing the ice cream through the scanner. Youngmin gave him the money without any word. The cashier took the money and looked at him, then to Donghyun, and then back to him with a raised eyebrow. After paying rapidly, Youngmin held Donghyun by the arm and took him outside.

“Was that human looking at you weirdly or it was my imagination?”

“I don’t know, I didn’t like it.”

“Well, don’t worry about it, they will forget you soon. Let’s eat now.” Donghyun sat down on the plastic table that was on the sidewalk of the market and Youngmin did the same.

He looked over the posters that were on the window of the market to see inside. Yeah, the cashier could perfectly see them from where he was. That couldn’t mean anything good for him but he tried to ignore it for now, he tried to focus on his friend that kept telling him to eat his dessert before it melted. They ate in silence for a while, just enjoying the sweet flavor in that nice afternoon. Then, Donghyun started speaking.

“Well, Youngmin, will you finally tell me what’s going on with you?”

“It’s hard to explain.”

“I’m your best friend, you can tell me anything, you know?”

Youngmin really, _really,_ wanted to tell him everything at that moment, seeing the other’s eyebrow frowned in a sad worry. But he didn’t.

He didn't tell him everything.

“I’m thinking of changing majors.” Donghyun slowly threw himself back to the chair’s backrest, as if something has hit him and pushed him back. “I don’t know if this is for me.”

His friend didn’t answer instantly, he stared to a point behind’s Youngmin head and took some moments to think. The younger angel bit his lip in nervousness. It had nothing to do with Woong, Youngmin would have to change the path of his existence no matter what. It was the expression of hurt of his friend that made him feel terribly wrong. Donghyun blinked a few times and nodded.

“I get it.”

“You do?”

“Yeah, you are going through the usual studies crisis. It’s okay, we all get it at some point.” Youngmin shook his head subtly, that’s totally not what he meant. “Remember when I slept at your house for weeks because I was too ashamed to face my progenitors for thinking in dropping Services?”

A quick memory of Donghyun being annoying while he studied in his house came back to him. He remembers. He remembers how stressed his friend was, how he only talked with him about his worries during the night, when the world was quieter and his voice sounded smaller. It was difficult to see his friend that stressed and sad but he did his best to comfort him. Donghyun was his best friend since forever, since the moment he was born and he and his family saw him opening his eyes for the first time. They grew up together. He was important to him.

“I remember.”

“I think I need to pay you back now… I’m thankful, I don’t know if I said it properly yet. Thank you for dealing with me while I was being a mess. If it wasn’t for you, Youngmin, I would have got lost at that point. You were there for me during those hard times. Let me be with you in your hard times too.”

He didn’t deserve this; these kind words didn’t feel right. Youngmin looked away because it was too much. The guilt was ruining the moment for him. Donghyun was telling him he was there for him yet he was avoiding him and not telling him important things. Why he had to lie and hide? Youngmin had to rethink everything again. He was being ungrateful for thinking he had nothing to lose. He could lose his friends, his studies, his freedom and himself. Was it worth it?

Youngmin promised himself that after tomorrow he would tell Donghyun everything. Only one day more and maybe he could end everything before it gets bigger. He had to tell Woong they couldn’t see each other anymore, he had to tell Donghyun about his lack of powers, he had a lot of things to do.

“Youngmin?”

“Thank you Donghyun. And I’m sorry.”

“Why?”

“For not being a good friend.”

“What are you saying? Come here!” Donghyun stood up and went around the table to hug him. He patted his back many times repeatedly really quickly and Youngmin just let him. “Poor Youngmin, so stressed.”

They hugged for a long moment, in which Youngmin just enjoyed the embrace by putting his head on the angel’s shoulder. He closed his eyes. He was tired somehow. Maybe he would rest a for some time back at home, he needed it, things got complicated really quickly for his liking. In that moment, Donghyun told him people were looking at them weirdly and Youngmin couldn’t help but laugh from imagining the stares of the curious humans, slowly stepping away. They walked back while commenting on other insignificant stuff, the mood feeling a little bit lighter. When Donghyun had to take a different way, he stopped to say goodbye.

“Believe me, you’ll see how everything will go well in the end.”

“You are an angel, Donghyun.” Youngmin joked and the other threw his head back to laugh loudly.

“That was so lame.” He said and gave him a more uncomfortable hug, squishing him hardly. “Stop being so pessimistic, okay?”

“Stop it! I can’t breathe!”

“But I know you like my hugs!”

“Gross!”

Donghyun giggled and released him. Youngmin stuck out his tongue mockingly and the other just smiled and waved him. After his friend turned around and left, he sighed deeply. Today had made him realize that feeling at fault was unbearable and that he had to do something about it. In his way home, he remembered the words of Daehwi when he told him he just needed time to see what happened with Woong. But time was the last thing he had at that moment, he had to quickly clear everything and start to think in his own future. It wasn’t time for human and dates.

When he reached his house, he saw the romantic novel on the table. He grabbed it and sat down, going through the pages he already read with his eyes. Youngmin shook his head and stopped, he wasn’t a character in a novel, neither Woong was. He had to be realistic and admit that no matter what, there wasn’t a good ending for them.

Love or not, what’s the point of it if it doesn’t work? Could it even work?

He was planning to head to bed before but a sudden interest appeared and he started to read from the point he left it before. This time, it wasn’t as difficult as before. Already used at the way the author wrote, he quickly started reading pages and pages. The plot was slowly starting to get more and more interesting. After the boring introduction that the main character did, they were starting to try to get their love interest’s attention. Then, they started to get closer until they both started to have mutual feelings that lead them to have a romantic relationship.

Finally, in the tenth chapter, they kissed and Youngmin couldn't avoid feeling quite scandalized about it. Kissing was something embarrassing that he never thought in deep before. Angels kissed to show affection too but only on the cheeks, never on the lips for some unexplained reason. That’s how it is. Plus, you can already show as much affection as kissing through hugs or nice words. Humans, on the other side, were really physically driven in terms of expressing themselves, hugging, touching, kissing and even having sexual intercourses.

Youngmin blinked a few times and stopped himself from following such a dangerous chain of thoughts and continued reading. After the really descriptive scene of the characters kissing that made his heart race a little bit, there was a confession moment where the main protagonist said “I love you". The way that that moment was written made think Youngmin how important those words could be. It was portrayed as a magical thing. “I love you” was probably one of his favorite phrases. In the Upper World, it was not usually heard but it was used, and it meant a lot.

The humanity used to think that those words were way too meaningful to say it in simple occasions but times were changing and there were people who nowadays say it in a daily basis without truly meaning it. The angel quickly checked the time of printing of the book in his hands. 2013, a few years ago, he had to read this carefully while having in mind that there might be some differences in the present.

He wondered if Woong was the type of human that said “I love you” often or not, if he really appreciated them or not, how would he react if Youngmin said it? He bit the inside of his mouth at the thought. It was a hard task to read without having him in mind. He closed the book for a second, considering to leave it like that. He had decided to stop seeing Woong and now this story was making him reconsidering it because every detail that happened made him remember of him. When the characters held hands, when they go out together, when each of them asks for advices to their respective friendships, it seemed all too familiar for Youngmin. He wasn’t trying to give himself false hopes but the reading was fueling more his own illusions. 

_Wake up, Youngmin_. He said to himself in his mind. Dreaming was useless.

He continued reading with the difference that, this time, he tried to focus on the book as if it was a technical book and he just was studying. He actually wanted to know how the story ended because the main couple were having some problems due the lack of communication, banal misunderstandings and some conflicts because of the crescent mutual jealously of the main characters. Those were the usual troubles that human relationships had. Thankfully, the couple got over their obstacles and continued together, they got married and spent their honeymoon in a beach of Hawaii.

And Youngmin stopped reading before the explicit sex scene, closing the book in one go. Sex wasn’t a taboo; it was a natural human thing. On the other side, angels didn’t have sex. It wasn’t needed to show fondness and, if they wanted to procreate, the ethereal beings go together to the Light and wait there for the new angel to emerge from it, to love them and take care of them until they knew how to live by their own. To think about the topic was purposeless, they didn’t even have a sex drive. But Woong was not an angel. He was a human. What if Woong…

The angel threw away the book to the other corner of the dining room table and laughed nervously. He pressed his eyes with his fingers and wished he could disappear. This was stressing. This novel was jinxed. It was the worst thing to read. Only anger was found at the stupid basic romantic story that only made him have weird thoughts. He felt that he had learned nothing (maybe a few things but it wasn’t anything new that he couldn’t have deduced alone).

After a few taps he gave himself on the forehead to reorganize his mind, Youngmin realized reading that book had been a bad idea. He should have never listened to Daehwi, that young angel was always giving him headaches, even through his most favorite thing in his existence: books.

He never knew books could be this annoying.

He looked at the novel that was some meters away and mumbled something in the quiet room. “Lee Daehwi, consider yourself dead.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i've been facing a huuuuge writer block the past two weeks   
> and im actually having troubles to keep up with the rhythm im posting rn.  
> i dont want to say "im taking a break" beacause im not,  
> but the next chapter will take me a little bit longer than usual to post.  
> at least until i finish the two chapters im currently working on.  
> i would really really appreciate if you left your comments if you like the way this story is going or not, those help a lot.  
> see u on chapter 5 <3


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> even though im not where i want to be in terms of chapters i have done, i felt too guilty for not posting i couldnt hold it anymore so here it is

The walk in his way to see Woong was making him feel ill. Every time he met Woong before, he had this funny excitement that made him look up for their encounter but this time, something was off. The idea of ending everything was still on his mind and that bad novel he had read only made it more difficult because of the encouragement he felt with its romantic writing style. That didn’t make any sense. Youngmin knew he was making no sense at all. He vacillated some of his steps and wondered if he should just turn around and ran, escape, forget everything and move on. It was a fear that was consuming him, the fear of realizing that if they fall in love, at least for him, there would be no undo button, like many computers had.

He stopped in the middle of his walk to ran his hands through his hair. He looked around and bit his lip. Then, he continued slowly, his steps still looking unsure. The expression of “walking on eggshells” was clearer for him now that it was exactly what it felt like. He imagined each tile of the sidewalk becoming an egg, he only saw eggs at the market once, never bought them, didn’t really know how they felt like. His mind was trying to wander off to hide the fact that having to take a decision was scaring him. Youngmin went against his vacillation and took a decision: he had decided that that day it would be the last time he would see Woong. It was surprising how his mood changed so quickly, suddenly feeling down by his own choice.

He looked to the tiles passing under his steps until there was someone in his way, two feet on the next tile, standing in front of him. His heartbeat increased because he only knew one person who liked to bend his ankles like that. He looked up to look at Woong in the eye.

“Youngmin.”

He wondered if just hearing his name like that could be defined as happiness.

“I’ve missed you.” Youngmin blurted out and only realized his longing feeling after putting it in words. It’s only been some days but it felt way more when all he could think about was him.

“Oh, wow.” The other sounded a little bit embarrassed and covered his smile with the back of his hand. His eyelashes were prettily fluttering over his eyes. Youngmin felt he was going crazy. “Me too.”

How he could give up this? When everything about it makes him feel like he was having a show of fireworks inside his chest?

The blonde blinked a few times before speaking.

“Uh, I already- I mean- You were taking long in coming here so I already bought us some chips and beer. I know you said you don’t want me to spend more money but I can’t help it.” He said quickly in one breathe while holding the shopping bag in front of him.

“You can tell me how much it is and I’ll give it to you back.” Youngmin tried to reach for his pocket but Woong threw himself at him, holding his arm with both hands. He looked up at him with big eyes. He was so small.

“Don’t.” He pouted. “I promise I’ll stop.”

Too cute to handle.

Youngmin closed his eyes and tried to canalize all his inner energy to not explode. All metaphors, he wasn’t in real danger. Today it was going to be a really difficult day. His heart felt too unstable for this, for Woong. He suddenly blamed Daehwi, it’s all his fault, if he hasn’t talked to him, they wouldn’t had spoken about love, and feelings, and he wouldn’t had read that stupid novel that he was trying hard to forget. He was trying to forget everything but maybe it was too late.

“It’s ok.” After he sighed, he said. For some reason, Woong had no intentions of stepping away from his personal space. It was hard to think when he was this close. “But- There is one problem though, I’m- I don’t drink.”

Woong finally released his arm to press his own cheek with a finger to gesture that he was thinking. “Oops, I haven’t thought of that.”

“I will just quickly buy a water.”

He entered the market and Woong followed him without saying anything. He walked towards the aisle where he remembered the cooler was to search for a bottle of water. However, Youngmin was more focused on the way Woong cutely wobbled while walking him next to him, humming to an unknown tune. It felt like his mannerisms today were all in purpose, was he always like this? Perhaps it was all in his head. It took only three days to forget what it was like to be next to him. Saying he would stop seeing him was easier than actually doing it.

“I see you are in a good mood.”

“I am! Thanks to you!”

Youngmin dropped his head and looked to a different side. “Ah, you are going to be the end of me today.” He admitted in defeat with a soft tone that was meant more for himself than the other.

When he went to pay for his own bottle (because he was not going to let Woong pay anymore), he encountered the same employee on the cash register. Does this market overwork this guy? Why he was always there? It was ridiculous. The cashier took his water bottle to scan it while looking at him, then his eyes went to Woong who was just waiting next to him with a tiny smile on his face. This time, Youngmin could feel this person’s comment about to happen, because the human ignored his signals that told him to mind his business.

“Oh? You are not going to take ice cream like last time?” He asked with a grin on his face. This guy attitude wasn’t of his liking.

“We didn’t have ice cream last time.” Woong commented and looked at Youngmin with a confused expression.

“I was referring to your boyfriend, since he came yesterday with one of his very close friends. They sat down to eat together here. It’s funny I don’t remember well the other guy. I hope you are feeling better after all the talking and hugging.”

“Just charge my water, please.” Youngmin cut him.

The other did as he was told while alleging that he was just joking. Donghyun was probably just a blurry memory in his head at this point but, because of Youngmin, he could remember half of it. He wondered how that memory looked for him, Youngmin hugging the silhouette of someone unknown. However, this cashier was wrong for thinking it would be fun to mess with other people’s relationships, because that’s exactly what he was trying to do. He probably thought that Youngmin was hiding them from each other, and he was right, but not in the way he was thinking of; Youngmin wasn't cheating as the cashier supposed. Oh, being able to think that way was all thanks to the novel and its obvious clichés.

The angel felt his hands sweat and looked over to see Woong’s reaction but the human looked relatively fine with the comment. Youngmin couldn't take off his eyes from him, he couldn't understand why he was okay with it. In the novel he read, this would have caused a misunderstanding or a trouble that make them have bad feelings about each other. They stepped outside the shop while Youngmin was still trying to find a reason of his lack of reaction.

“Why are you surprised? I trust you. You told me you didn’t have someone like that. What I don’t like is lies.” Woong said with his usual soft tone. The angel got surprised that he noticed his staring even when he wasn't facing him.

“I don’t like lies either.” Ironic coming for Youngmin. But it was real. He didn't like the fact he had to lie. He never lied to Woong though, maybe a few times, just to hide the fact he was an angel. After this day, he wouldn’t lie again.

The other held his hand and they started to walk together. He was going to miss this a lot; he didn’t want to even think what it would be like when he stops seeing Woong. He noticed that this time they didn’t headed to the river nor the cafeteria, it was a way they haven’t take before. The angel looked at the petite boy with an inquiring face.

“We are going to my house this time. I was so busy these days that I just wanted to relax at home, does it bother you?”

“No, I’m fine with it.”

“I can’t always be the one planning, you know. Next time you will lead us.”

It was funny that Woong is leading him to lead but Youngmin couldn’t laugh at that because he was worried it wouldn’t be another next time. This negative feeling kept making his heart ache, yet he was hiding it really well. They only walked a few blocks away from the market. Woong lived kind of close. Suddenly, there was a moment when the street looked pretty familiar. When he realized why, Youngmin mouth went dry and he looked to the floor. The way to Woong’s house was literally passing by Donghyun’s house. There wasn’t any movement at his friend’s house, as expected from an assigned house of angels, yet his mind couldn’t stop yelling it was a dangerous situation. Luckily, they passed by without problems, and Woong didn’t noticed his internal fear. That was close.

They reached a grey building that was an apartment complex, it looked pretty big. Youngmin felt disorientated and, if Woong wasn’t holding his hand, he probably would get lost inside there. Woong’s house was the number 82, the boy pressed some numbers in the electronic keypad and opened the door, moving to a side to let Youngmin be the first one to get inside. The angel entered while Woong turned on the lights and he curiously looked around Woong’s place. The flat was really nice, it was a modern open concept that linked the living room, the dining table and the kitchen. To a side, there was a little hall to what Youngmin supposed it leaded to the room. No, rooms. There had to be two rooms at least, he remembered the reality of that Woojin guy also living here. He didn’t look to be around. Youngmin felt observed and turned around to face Woong. Was he was being rude? For some humans, it was a bad manner to be this curious.

“I’m sorry.”

“No, no. You just looked so cute, looking around like that. You always do it when I take you somewhere.” Youngmin blushed at the compliment and the observation, it was true he was discovering so many things and places thanks to him. “Make yourself comfortable.”

Woong tilted his head quickly to point at the sofa next to Youngmin. The angel sat down but it wasn't comfortable because first, the dark sofa was somehow too low and unexpectedly hard and second, he had the realization he was in Woong’s house. Alone. The silence told him it would be awkward if he doesn’t constantly speak with the other, who was setting down the drinks and chips in the kitchen. Maybe it was only Youngmin who felt the tension, it was the first time he was in a house of a human so intimately like this. The previous times he met with Woong they were outside, with people around them, now it's just them two, the only sound heard was the ruffling of the shopping bag. When Woong finished, he came back to him and flopped next to him, he sat down two cans and some chips on the tiny table in front of the sofa. Then, he took the control remote and turned the television on. Youngmin forgot that the big device in front of him could fill the silence that was making him nervous. It was a relief. Images flashed and it captivated Youngmin’s eyes, it was the human news, he couldn’t get to read all the information that appeared on the screen because suddenly it went black and a red word appeared.

“What do you watch on Netflix?” Woong asked and looked at him.

Youngmin was about to answer with _what’s Neflix?,_ but that sounded way too suspicious. He couldn’t act like he didn’t know anything all the time, even if it was exactly like that, there was many things he didn’t know.

“Let’s watch whatever?”

“I like that. It’s embarrassing to admit but I’ve been obsessed with child movies lately. Have you seen the last one of Toy Story?”

“I... didn’t.”

Woong jumped in his seat. “You haven’t!? You have to, you have to.” He clicked the control remote many times until a video started.

Youngmin didn’t really know what was going on, what Toy Story or Netflix were or what the moving drawing on the television meant but he was somewhat more relaxed now. Seeing Woong drinking from the can, spread out over the sofa was a relaxing view. Youngmin grabbed a chip and copied his way of sitting, loosing himself a little bit from his usual way of sitting. He ate the chip and instantly regretted it, it was too salty. He ate it without nagging though, but he couldn't reach for something to drink to get the flavor away because Woong forgot to bring his bottle of water. Youngmin actually considered to open the second can, however, he had doubts about it. Drink beer? Or ask for his water to the excited Woong next to him that was really inversed on the TV? Both options weren’t the best ones.

In that moment, from the door, the clicking of the numbers of the door’s lock was heard. Woong stood up in a second, alarmed, forgetting about everything else. Youngmin was also curious to see what was happening but Woong was on his way. He was standing still with his arms to his sides, it was weird for him to be so rigid and, by seeing him like that, Youngmin felt a fear that didn’t let him move from his position at all. What if it was a stealer or a killer? What he should in a dangerous situation? The door opened and some steps where heard.

“Oh? Is that beer? My day just got better.”

“Woojin!” Woong yelped and slightly moved to a side, letting Youngmin see the man who just entered the flat. “I- I didn’t expected to see you back so soon.”

“I can fucking see.” The green haired boy said sharply, not looking at Woong but Youngmin in the eye. The angel didn’t like it. “I remember you… from the party, isn’t it?”

“Yes.” The angel answered and stood up because he felt awkward to answer from the sofa. “I remember you too.”

There was an awkward silence that appeared while they looked at each other intensely, the only noise in the room was the ongoing animation on the television. Woojin was someone strange in Youngmin’s eyes, he couldn’t tell why, it was a mere feeling. Woong giggled nervously.

“Uh… well… Youngmin this is Woojin, my flatmate, and Woojin, this is Youngmin, my…”

“Objective?”

“No!”

“C’mon Woong, Beer? Chips? Fucking Netflix?” He titled his head to give him a sarcastic look.

“Woojin!”

The blonde said angrily while making his hands fists. He was very, very blushed. Youngmin was lost at this point, not really knowing what was going on or what they meant or if he had to do something in that situation. The newcomer human ignored Woong’s furious look and sat down in the sofa, grabbing the unopened can of beer and putting his feet over the table loudly. The other two just looked a him, one still with angry eyes and the other with a confused expression.

“So sorry if I’m cockblocking you but you know the rules, no fucking if I’m here.” He pointed at Woong with the index finger of the hand that was holding the beer.

Thanks to Woojin explicit way of speaking, Youngmin finally understood what the conversation meant and he felt really embarrassed. So Woong also could think like that? _Of course he would, he is a human,_ he told to himself internally and felt ready to disappear. Woong sighed really loudly and grabbed his drink and the chips, Woojin nagged at him because of that the action.

“Let’s go Youngmin.” He said aloud and grabbed him by his arm to lead him towards the tiny aisle of the flat.

As they were leaving, he could hear the loud comments of Woojin from the sofa: “It was nice meeting you, Youngmin! And Woong! Stop acting like a damn Puritan! I bet he will not buy it!”

Puritan? What Woong has to do with the religious movement that Puritism was?

His mind was going crazy. Youngmin blinked a couple of times repeatedly and tried to focus in the reality of being taken to the aisle of the flat. There were two doors in the hall. One in front of each other. Woong opened the door that was on his left and they both went in to what it was his bedroom. Once inside, the blonde quickly put the things on a desk and closed the door.

“Listen, he is just playing.” Woong explained nervously while playing with his fringe.

“I have so many questions.”

“When today I thought of Netflix and chill, it was actually Netflix and chill. Not Netflix and _chill._ ” Woong said each phrase with different tones, implying something. There must have been a hidden meaning, but the expression was way too human for Youngmin, he didn't get it. He should look for it later in the books. “If I was trying to do my move, I would be have been more obvious about it, don't worry. I like the pace we are going right now.”

“Me too.” Youngmin agreed. He liked it how it was right now.

“Oh, I have an idea I'll show you some good music.” Woong reached for his phone from his pocket, it looked like he always had it with him. Then, he searched for something in the drawer of the piece of furniture next to his bed.

He took out a pair of earphones. He pouted cutely when he noticed that the wires were all tangled up and sat down on the bed to get rid of the knots. Youngmin felt a little bit awkward standing just there but he didn't know where to put himself. His plan was to stay like that and wait there until he finished. He held his hands together and balanced from side to side.

“Hey, just sit here.”

Youngmin would lie if he said that that didn't make him over conscious, he was already a mass of awkwardness from just being in his house and laying down his bed? After all that weird talking? And that stupid book ending? Too much for him.

“Oh my- Don't make that face please.” The other stopped from untangling the earphones to cover his face. Youngmin has no idea what kind of expression he was doing. “I promise we are just going to listen to music.”

His face felt hot.

“I feel really embarrassed now.”

“Why are you saying it aloud!?”

“Sorry for that.”

Woong laughed, he had a shade of pink all over his face. “Just come here.”

He bounced to a side and tapped the space he left to invite him. Still doubtly, Youngmin crawled next to him.

“My favorite way of listening to music is like this.” The human said while leaning back and laying in the bed. He pointed upwards. “Staring at the ceiling. You need to not think in anything okay?”

He copied him. It will be hard to not think anything in this situation. His eyes gave a glance from sideways to Woong, he was focused on his cellphone but it still made him nervous to see him from up close without the height difference that usually put a distance between their eye level. Woong plugged the earphones to his phone and offered one to the angel. He put it in his ear. At first, there was no sound but, after some seconds, a melody appeared. It was slow and mellow, nothing like the human music he heard before that was loud and strident. It calmed him down and it made him forgot that his heart was racing for being so close to Woong. Youngmin noticed that he could feel, from the slight movement of the mattress, that what the legs of the human were doing: slowly moving side to side constantly. He didn’t get up to see it yet his imagination was giving him a cute image of what it looked like at that moment. He remembered how short his legs were compared to his long ones, Woong reminded him of the smaller angels that always stayed tiny.

He tried to empty his head like Woong told him, shaking away any thought. The music kept flowing and Youngmin had the feeling it was all over them, the bed, the furniture and the wall, even in the corners, it was everywhere. If he had to imagine a picture of it, it was like the starry night he saw at the river, there were sparkles in that room. He wasn't sure if it was only the music that made that simple place a different one or it was the way Woong slowly reached out for his hand. Youngmin didn't look at him, too absorbed in himself to even move, but he could see him with his peripheral vision, totally still, lost in the song like him, it could be possible that he had his eyes closed too. Incredibly, Youngmin's heartbeat was strong but slow at the same time.

In that special moment they were the only ones that existed. It just felt right. Like his whole life was building up to this exact moment, everything he went through became meaningful in that comfortable bed where they were laying down and holding hands. If he hadn't been born, if he hadn't fight to major in Services against the ones who were against the idea, if he hadn't accepted to go to that party, he wouldn't be here. It was as if the life was telling him that this was meant to happen. Such a thing as destiny wasn't real, he knew, but he wanted to believe it existed after that day. Youngmin slowly intertwined their fingers in their hold and placed his free hand on his chest, he was scared his heart would fall off, because that's what it felt like. They, somehow, could create a world where Youngmin was Youngmin and Woong was Woong and they completed each other.

He couldn't say no to this.

Suddenly, he started to hear two voices, not only the one that was coming from the audio but another one coming from the room.

« _…I love you_

_And I just wanna show you._

_From the way you touch me and kiss me to the sparkle in your eyes._

_Oh, how I love you._

_I just feel so lost without you._

_With my love and intuition, you'll never have to say goodbye._ »

Woong's voice was soft and it poured all over the place like the music. It was like honey, he tasted it once, it was sweet and thick. That's what his singing voice felt like. He sang more beautifully than the choir of angels that sang for the Light, or maybe he was being blinded by his own preferences.

“I could listen to you forever.”

“Do you want to be together forever?”

The question was so unexpected. It caught his breathe. He could tell Woong wasn't joking because there wasn’t the usual giggle after talking like he always does when he makes a funny comment. He was serious. Forever? Humans didn't know a forever like he did, angels never end their existences if nothing harmful happened to them. He wondered what forever meant for him, until he died? Or until the end of everything? Whatever the meaning of the word was, Youngmin knew how to answer to that question.

“Yes.”

The song ended and another one started. Woong got on his side and brought their hands to his chest. He was smiling softly. Youngmin also faced him, breaking the weird spell the first song put him into and regaining his senses clearly.

“It's weird? Is it weird? We met recently but I feel like I'm too deep in this already. I'm not the type to fall for someone this quickly but here I am, wanting to stay like this for days.” He put his free hand under his head to rest his head. Woong wasn't looking at him and all Youngmin could focus on was his eyelashes, they weren't that long but from this view they looked so… pretty. Woong was so pretty.

“Fall?” He asked to get a better explanation.

“Don't make me say the l word yet. I don't want you to run away.”

 _The l word?... Oh, that_ _word._

“But you just sang it.”

“It's not the same.” Woong said amusedly, next, he released his hand to flip to the opposite direction, showing his back to him. Then, he slowly moved back, trapping Youngmin's arm under his head as if it was a pillow, he pressed against him. “I'm the small spoon.”

Youngmin couldn't put some space between them because if he moved just a little bit away, he would fall from the bed. That's what he gets for being too awkward and laying down on the farthest corner. He never thought before that the innocent, beautiful moment he was living could turn into something like this. He also never thought Woong could make him suffer. He could only focus on his heartbeat resounding against his eardrums, the sound blocking the music and his thoughts, he couldn't even think why Woong called himself a spoon. He was so close to him, he felt himself stiffing up from the nervousness. Meanwhile, his eyes were stuck on the Woong’s nape, he could see the skin of his neck, the skin of his collarbone, skin, skin, beautiful skin. He wondered if he should do something, not so sure what exactly. Should pass his other arm over him and hold him tight? Because that's what he wanted to do. He lifted his arm slowly to reach for him, however, he never got to do it because in that instant the door fully opened in a quick motion.

“Woong!” Youngmin threw the hand he had midway in the air to the back of his head, trying to hide what he was trying to do, feeling shy. Woong sat right away at the interruption and his initial angry reaction changed to a confused one when he saw that Woojin had a serious expression on his face. “They need us.”

“Something at work?”

“Yes. Work. Now let's go, _quickly_.” His sharp tone made it clear: it wasn't a suggestion, it was an order.

He left the doorstep and Woong looked at Youngmin with the inner corners of his eyebrows angled upward. “I'm… sorry.”

“No, it's fine. It was getting late already.” Youngmin laughed embarrassed while standing up. That was enough feelings for a day.

Woong didn't say anything else in their way to the entrance of the building, his mood suddenly felt off. Woojin was walking some meters ahead them, looking back from time to time to make sure Woong was following him. It was an awkward moment for Youngmin. When they reached the sidewalk, they faced each other. There was something on Woong’s face, he looked disappointed. Youngmin wanted to tell him it was okay, that some things were unavoidable, that they could be together more time another day. But he didn't.

“Can you pick me up tomorrow at 6?” His voice was small.

“Yes. Is everything okay?”

“Yeah, yeah, don't worry about it. I just wished we had more time.”

“Woong, hurry the fuck up!” The other human screamed from away. Woong sighed deeply at it.

“Until tomorrow then.” He said and closed his eyes slowly.

Youngmin knew what it meant intuitively, he knew what this was supposed to be. If their reality was a novel, this would be the moment Youngmin reaches for him and kisses him to say goodbye in a special way to confirm that something had changed that day. They weren't the same duo of that morning because, without big words or big actions, they knew something happened in the silence of Woong's bedroom, something just clicked. And now, it was the moment of their first kiss, the one it will mark the start of something that was going to make their lives complicated, exciting, intertwined. And Youngmin was ready for that.

“Woong!”

Woong didn't reacted to his roommate complains and kept his posture, slightly rising his chin up. Youngmin took a second to stare at his facial features that were lighted up by the lights of the street. His uneven eyelids were closed in a relaxed way, he looked as breathtaking as the first day. Youngmin held his face shyly, he placed his long fingers around his cheeks so carefully as if he was holding something really fragile. Kissing was something easy to do, it just putting their mouths together. The angel brushed their noses together and Woong closed his eyes in a harder way, reacting to the proximity of him. The distance kept disappearing and disappearing, the vanilla smell was fillling Youngmin and he wondered if Woong could also smell something. Probably not, angels don't have any scent. Finally, Youngmin kissed him on the forehead.

Woong suddenly opened his eyes, that were filled with surprise, he knew he wasn't expecting that. The angel knew how important kisses could be to humans and he wasn't planning to make their first kiss happen on the side walk, after a sudden rush, with Woong enthusiasm turned off, while a third party kept nagging and hurrying them up. By looking at the other expression, It was obvious that it wasn't the type of kiss that Woong was waiting for, yet it had the same, or even bigger, impact on Woong, who kept blinking and repeating a lot of _what_ ’s under his breath. He was completely red and his face felt hot against the palms of Youngmin. He looked at his eyes and Woong looked back, the angel had the sudden need to hug him tight between his arms, he knows it would feel amazing to cover him like that, instead he stepped away. He had somewhere to be, he couldn't make him be more late than he already was.

“Until tomorrow, Woong.”

The blonde just looked at him, still with big eyes, with his lips pressed in a firm line. Youngmin wished he could read what it was going through his head. Woong turned around and started running where Woojin was without looking at him. Actually, he looked back one time, with a big smile that lifted up his red cheeks and forced his eyes to close. He was happy to see his usual bright mood back, Youngmin placed again a hand on his chest, a possible habit he was starting to develop with all these weird switches on his heartbeat that he had been feeling.

The cute back of his head was the last thing he saw before turning around and heading to his house. He had a lot to think about since he had decided to keep seeing Woong, there are things he has to carefully check to continue and be together. He looked down at the tiles of the side walk again, he was feeling totally different from the last time he saw the ground. He was happy, so happy he could feel the corners of his lips shaking from repressing a smile. This was love, it had to be. It was love. He was in love. Love.

It repeated again and again in his head. Thinking about Woong was love, holding Woong's hand was love, looking at Woong was love. Woong was love.

Woong. Woong. Woong.

Love. Love. Love.

Youngmin put his hands hand on his face, so hardly that they sounded when they reached his cheeks, almost slapping himself. He wanted to scream and jump and explode and tell everyone about it. This was a wonderful feeling. He was excited to be with Woong more, share moments and make memories together. He was so immersed in his thoughts that he got caught off guard when he got called.

“Youngmin?”

He looked to his side and saw Donghyun, who looked dumbfounded at the sight of his friend walking across the sidewalk of his house. Youngmin stopped on his tracks and felt his heart drop.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter turned out much better than i expected it   
> because there a lot of things happening at the same time. hee hee.  
> also, yes, woong was playing _that_ playlist on youtube yall are thinking of.  
> ...sighs i really need to get back on writing till my eyes burn,   
> remember when i said 65k? well... it was all a lie, i will go over that amount  
> but for that i need to post more quickly.  
> i know i said slowburn but even myself wants the history to go quicker lmaoo  
> see u <3


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> posting today to celebrate the release of 5nally aka the member's solos and moondance mv (im so so proud of woong T-T) in just a couple of hours

“Youngmin?” Donghyun said again from the front door. “What are you doing here?”

“Oh, I was just… I thought of coming, I was too bored at my house.” It was obvious it wasn't like that yet the other didn't say nothing about his lie.

“Then come inside, what are you doing there?”

Donghyun gestured with his hand for him to get inside his house. Youngmin entered without thinking it twice, he was familiar with it, it was like his second home. He heard the voices of Donghyun's progenitors and the soft noise of a turned-on television. This house always had this different feeling from his house. It was loud, alive and warm. It felt like a real home with an actual family, nothing like his empty and quiet place.

“Look who's here.” Donghyun said while entering the kitchen first, still quite unsure, Youngmin following him from behind.

“If it's not our Youngmin. We were just talking with Daein about you.” The angel named Hyejoo said with the distinctive warm look she always gives to him.

Guilt started to appear in him. If this place could be thought as his second home, Donghyun progenitors also felt like his seconds progenitors and it didn't feel right the fact that he wasn't planning in visiting them but yet, they were looking at him with sparkles in their eyes. He sat down with them. Daein, the other angel, smiled at him in a fatherly way before speaking.

“We were saying that it's been a long time since we saw you.”

“Oh, should I make tea?”

“Please, Hyejoo.” Donghyun voice sounded flat. Youngmin knew his friend was doubting, no, straight up suspecting him with his sudden visit. He had to think of an excuse before the other asks him. He wondered when that would happen.

His best friend remained quiet for the rest of the conversation where Youngmin talked happily with his friend’s progenitors. They were both amazing kind angels that always made him feel welcomed in that house. Almost being born at the same time as Donghyun and without his progenitors to be around, they took care of him as much as they did with Donghyun. Hyejoo ignored his descendant complains and made tea anyways.

They been around humans so much that they started to pick up some of their traits, like offering edibles to visits and having a TV. It was interesting though. Sometimes his eyes would focus on the device and try to understand what it was showing and Daein, from time to time, would explain some of the things that appeared. He knew a lot about humanity thanks to his many many years of service, Youngmin wasn't sure how old the angel was but it definitely didn't show in his outer appearance.

If Youngmin didn't know, he would think that they were a normal human couple. He saw how they acted together, Hyejoo laughing at some joke that Daein said while carefully putting some strands of her long black hair behind her hear. They looked awfully happy together and Youngmin wondered if love looked like that or if he could look like that with Woong. Probably if he asked about love in that moment, Daein and Hyejoo would answer him and start talking without problems but it was something risky to do when Donghyun was looking him so attentively.

“In other news, we are so happy Donghyun was mentioned as the top student in Services!” Hyejoo clapped her hands a few times.

“I… didn't know.”

“Of course, you don't!” His friend stood up harshly and the sound of the chair dragging resounded in the whole room, making everyone focus on him. Youngmin chest compressed in a hurtful way. “You never know. You don’t care.”

He gave him a stare and left the kitchen, probably going to his room, his safe place. Youngmin didn't know what to say when the other two angels looked at him with a confused expression, he was surprised at his reaction as much as them. He wasn't expecting to Donghyun to act that way in front of his progenitors, it meant that he was very mad at him. He inhaled deeply to gather some courage and then, he headed to Donghyun's room.

“What were you doing outside this late?” was the first thing he asked him the moment he stepped in. Donghyun was sitting on the bed and staring at the ground.

This was the moment he has been avoiding.

This was it.

He had no idea how the other would react but it was time to tell him the truth. “You see, It's something that I was-"

“No. It's okay.” His friend interrupted him and Youngmin felt lost. Donghyun raised his stare and continued speaking with difficulty. “I don't have to be asking for explanations like this. I shouldn't worry like this.” He treated himself with irony, smiling bitterly and exhaling loudly.

“Donghyun.”

“I don't know what's been getting into me lately. Why I react like this?”

“No, Donghyun. It’s fine.” Youngmin sat next to him and placed a hand on his back in a caring gesture. Even if he himself was having some difficult feelings in that moment, because his mind kept telling him it was all his fault, he knew Donghyun's feelings were more important in that moment. “What happened?”

Youngmin knew him enough to know there is something hiding behind his words and outbursts. The other took some seconds before speaking.

“It's the pressure. Everyone expects big things from the angel that has been raised by two amazing guardian angels. I've been holding this for some days now, the comments they say at the institute, the expectative and this whole ‘top student' mention and I just wanted to let it out to someone, to you, and because of that, I started to dislike how you disappeared after classes. I need to understand you are someone different from me, someone independent. Sorry for being needy.”

He huggged his best friend, it hurt to see him like that, small and insecure, totally different from his usual jolly behavior. His words also hurt him too. While Youngmin was too busy thinking about his own stuff, Donghyun was struggling and keeping his worries to himself. He hated that, he didn't want him to close himself from him, he had to be careful to not let their friendship fall through his fingers. Donghyun wiped his eyes inside the little space that Youngmin arms made for him to protect him from his own thoughts.

“I'm here for you, I will always be here for you. Don't close yourself from me, don't show me that façade you show to the others. Dong, not to me, I'm your best friend. Always reach out for me because I'm here.” Donghyun hide his face against his chest and the younger held him tight. Donghyun wasn't needy, in fact, he was really self-sufficient, so much, sometimes it scared Youngmin. He always thought that one day he would leave him in his successful life behind but then there is this type of moments that it made him remember that he has his own struggles like anyone else. And he would be there for him.

After his friend calmed down and undid their hug to face him, with a soft expression and teary eyes, Youngmin added: “Can I stay over? Like the old times. We can go together to our lessons.”

Donghyun smiled and opened his arms for him to hug him again, Youngmin also smiled and threw himself over him. The other angel complained that he was crushing him and he laughed, not planning to release him. After the first laughs, they kept their position like that for some moments of silence, just laying down.

Youngmin couldn't help but compare it to the situation he lived some hours ago, it was totally different. He loved Donghyun in a different way he loved Woong, he could just… feel it. He hugged his friend while staring at the ceiling and thought that he couldn't dismiss his friendship with someone so important to him like Donghyun, and at the same time, he couldn't give up on whatever he had with Woong. He never been good with relationships. His two friendships looked enough for him, and now, with Woong entering his life without any previous warning, it would be difficult to manage them all, it would be like juggling.

“What are you thinking?” Donghyun whispered.

“That I appreciate our friendship.”

“Yeah… me too…”

After that, they didn't talk more about that topic, they already had understood each other. Youngmin left it clear: he could count on him for anything. Instead, they kept talking and talking about different things until the sun started to rise. As they planned, the young angels left together, Donghyun's progenitors smiling brightly at seeing the friends back to their usual playful happy image. Youngmin felt in tune with Donghyun, a feeling he haven't felt in a while.

Classes went like usual and when they headed outside the classroom. They saw many angels gathering around the exit of the room. It was a weird thing to see. Outside, between all the curious angels, there was Daehwi waiting for them two. They greeted him cheerfully and the attention didn't leave the group. It was a unique trio: the carefree angel that had the audacity to discuss with the High Order, the new mentioned top student with a big future in Services and Youngmin, the powerless angel; of course, they would bring attention.

Together, they went to the resting space of the institute, something similar to what a human would call a cafeteria but without the food (for Youngmin's disgrace). He was craving for that chocolate bread that Woong had shared with him.

“I can't believe that after all this time they still treat me like the newbie that does all the work!” Daehwi said while pouting and putting his elbows over the table to rest his chin over his hands.

Youngmin realized he hadn't been putting much attention to the conversation that was going right in front of him.

Donghyun giggled at the youngest. “It's weird to see you taking orders and actually doing them. I remember when we were new angels you never did what we told you.”

“Well, I don't wanna risk my major like that, you know.”

“So, you can do what they tell you without problems but you can't listen to your older friends, huh?”

“Exactly. You are always loud but I know Youngmin doesn't care, I'm still a good friend, right Youngmin?”

He was staring to Daehwi but his mind was somewhere else, he kept thinking about the events of the last two days, so a lot of things happened that he was dying to tell Daehwi about it. That's right. Daehwi was there. Daehwi was the only one he could speak with about that. Many new stuff to tell him since the last time they spoke and he wanted to hear his new opinion about it.

“Youngmin?” Daehwi repeated and Youngmin was brought back to reality, well, kind of, because he only looked at him in the eye with big eyes. Mind communication didn’t exist yet he kept screaming internally to him that he needed some seconds alone with him.

He needed to tell him the huge update that falling in love was.

“Oh, oh, I forgot the papers I had to get. I'll be back in a second.”

“I'll help you" Youngmin almost screamed and jumped on his feet. He was thankful his friend understood his signals. “We'll be back quickly!” Donghyun nodded and told them to hurry, half giggling at his friend because he forgot the task he was sent to do.

Youngmin followed Daehwi who was walking quickly with big steps of his slender legs, his presence itself was making the angels on his way move to a side to let him pass. The older angel looked at him from behind, Daehwi was shorter than him yet his small back held so much power. He always admired his confidence and strong personality. Suddenly, the younger angel turned to a side and got inside a classroom. Daehwi checked around to see if there was anyone else in the room and when he ended, he turned around sharply and caught Youngmin off guard, he didn't look happy at all.

He shoved his hand up his face while showing him three fingers. “You have 3 seconds to tell me why you look like a scared puppy so much.”

“I fell in love. I am in love, I can say it. I'm sure about it. I am in love with a h-"

“Woah, woah, woah!” Daehwi shushed him and leaned in a little bit. He continued speaking in a smaller voice. “We definitely can't talk about that here, are you crazy? Classes here just ended and there are angels everywhere.”

“But I need to, something happened, we went to his house and-"

“Shhh!”

Without any warning, Daehwi grabbed him by his face and smashed their lips together. Youngmin froze and closed his eyes because he couldn’t handle seeing his friend kissing him. It was so sudden, he couldn't understand why, what, how, why, mainly why. Was Daehwi in love with him? Daehwi? Him? Youngmin heard someone taking something from somewhere in the classroom and walking away. Daehwi shoved him away.

“What was that for!?” He exclaimed and covered his mouth with a hand, his voice going higher from his deep surprise.

“Someone was coming and I had to do something!”

Youngmin held his head with both hands without being able to believe how such idea came across his mind. “But a kiss!? Your time majoring in Relationships really messed up your mind!”

“C'mon, why would two angels enter an empty room if it's not to show affection privately? It's not a big deal!”

“It is for me! I wanted my first kiss to be with Woong, now you just ruined it!”

“Wasn't your first kiss with Donghyun?”

The older angel was taken back by the sudden remark. It was true but that was a long time ago. It wasn't a special thing. “That doesn't count, we didn't know what we were doing.”

“Well then this one doesn't count either. Anyways, tomorrow after your classes, let's talk in the Main Library. Seems you have a lot to tell me.” He clapped his hands and looked around. “Now, where are those papers?”

“You actually forgot them?”

“Yeah, what you were thinking? That I was making up an excuse for you?” Daehwi ran his hand through his hair and turned around to start searching as if nothing had happened.

Meanwhile the other looked under a desk, Youngmin didn’t move from his spot and he started to wonder if he was dumb because he couldn’t process things quicly sometimes. His mind worked on delay in these situations. Being kissed by his friend and being told it wasn’t something important sounded as something that would never happen but here he was, with the annoying memory of his big lips on his mind _._

_Ew. Disgusting._

He wanted to kiss Woong, not Daehwi, it’s not the same thing. This was the worst. Apparently, Daehwi didn’t really care about that type of stuff because he kissed him when he wasn’t in love with him. It showed him that he didn’t see a big meaning to it like Youngmin did. It seemed it was a matter of one’s own values.

When the younger found what he was looking for he called him to start their way back to Donghyun. They talked for some time more about classes, old memories they shared and random funny ideas to do together that didn’t have any real future since the youngest angel was majoring somewhere else. There were only a few opportunities like these, when they could share some moments together, just the three of them, like their first instances of existence.

The time passed by so quickly that Youngming only realized that the day was over when he got inside his house. And then, he panicked. He totally forgot he had to see Woong that day. He didn’t even get enough time to carefully think about a good place to go out together or what to do together. His plans for that day were totally over.

Woong had asked for him to pick him up at six o’clock, when was that? Was he late already? Youngmin didn’t have a clock to check the human time. His panic took over and, after throwing his stuff on the table, he went outside almost running. On the streets, he looked around to see if something could give him a hint of what time it was, however, he found nothing.

Without any better idea, he stopped an old man who was walking on the sidewalk to ask. The human looked at him suspiciously at first but answered after checking the watch on his wrist. It was half past five, he still had thirty minutes to make it to Woong’s house. The walk was like fifteen minutes, he supposed. The way humanity counts the time in numerical figures as if it was mathematics was something really weird to him.

The doubts made him feel insecure and anxious so instead of walking, he ran. When he reached the entry of the building, he tried to get his normal breathing rhythm back and sat down on the steps of the stairs of the sidewalk. He knew he was attracting the people’s attention, firstly by arriving there in a frenetic run and now, by sitting down on the street. The human world always made him feel weaker than usual, his legs were already tired and it took him a while to regain his composure. The angel felt the need again of knowing what time it was. Being late was something bad. Being early was also bad. It was too complicated.

Youngmin asked for the time to the lady that was walking by him but she straight up ignored him. Humans could be so cold sometimes. He was glad that some young boy nicely showed him from his cellphone that it was 5:45. He still had fifteen minutes until he could go inside and search for Woong. He couldn’t control his nerves and started to walk on circles in front of the edifice. He probably looked crazy to the people that stared at him when they passed by. He lost the track of time and no one would tell him the hour anymore. It was frustrating.

He had enough. He was about to get inside until he realized that he forgot the number of Woong’s flat. Next to the main entrance, he squatted down to think a his options. Should he start asking every person of there if they knew a blonde boy named Woong? That would be too intrusive and irritating for most of the humans. Lately, humanity has been losing their kind nature, he couldn’t risk his luck like that. He felt defeated.

“What are you doing?”

Youngmin looked up and saw Woong leaning down with a funny curious look. The angel jumped on his feet nervously while the other laughed. “I- I forgot your flat number.”

“So, you were having a mental breakdown on the street? Nice.” He joked and laughed. Woong was wearing a nice brown jacket and dark pants, something about him was giving Youngmin a hard time to breathe. Or maybe he hadn’t calm down from running and panicking like a crazy man. “It’s number 82. Now, where are we going?”

Time to improvise.

“Let’s go.” Youngmin offered his hand and Woong happily accepted.

Youngmin had absolutely no idea where to go with him but it would be fine as long as they are together. He hoped he could find a nice place on the spot to spend some good time but he didn’t know much about the city. Sounded like the perfect formula for disaster.

Firstly, the angel walked towards the park, where the coffee shop they once went was but they passed by it, thinking he could find something interesting in the other main streets of the area. They walked a few blocks full of different shops that Woong liked to stop by and look at the products shown in every crystal. While Woong looked with interest a clothing shop, Youngmin felt conscious about his clothes. Fashion was important in this world and yet, every time they met, he looked exactly the same because he didn’t stop at his house to change clothes, not like he had many options though. Maybe he had to do a little inversion there.

They continued talking a little more but Woong stopped on his tracks, also making Youngmin stop from his hold. “You don’t know where you are going right?”

Probably he was taking a wrong. IT could be that or the way his face couldn’t hide the fact he was feeling restless for slowly walking away the streets he knew.

“No.” He confessed.

“Well, we could stop and watch a movie, what do you say?” Woong pointed with his thumb the building he had behind that went totally unnoticed by Youngmin. He had ignored it because he didn’t know what it was actually. Big with lots of lights.

He was thankful Woong invited him because he felt a little bit curious to know what it would look like inside. It seemed that taking the lead was something natural for Woong, unlike Youngmin, that went back to his usual place, behind the effusive boy just by a little bit.

The human wanted to buy popcorn and Youngmin didn’t let him pay, as he said before, he didn’t want him to spend money every time they meet. Youngmin wasn’t really sure what kind of movie the other chose for them and he didn’t care either, the shows, movies, all of them looked kind of useless to him. He couldn’t just sit for a couple of hours in front of a screen like all the other people that were inside the cinema.

The movie was about some young boys trying to sneak in a house to steal but ended up in a risky situation, or something like that, Youngmin was more interested in looking Woong’s big reactions. He was focused on the film, the images reflecting on his shiny eyes. He gasped and covered him mouth when an exaggerated deep dramatic sound of the movie resounded everywhere. He looked so good, so cute and pretty, and beautiful. Now, that’s something he can watch for hours: Woong.

In one moment, he dropped his jaw and Youngmin looked back to look at the screen with curiosity. Apparently, the teenagers of the story were about to get caught by the owner of the house. He still wasn’t interested in it. Woong pouted with his eyes furrowed at the scene that was being displayed and the angel was reminded of his friend Daehwi, someone who also had the same dramatic of way reacting, the same person who stole his kiss that was meant for Woong. How irritating.

He looked to a side and wondered if Woong would ask him at some point why he didn’t kiss him yesterday when he could and he hoped a simple “I want it to be special" as an answer would satisfy him. He kept thinking how he should make it special, but what's the definition of special? Youngmin remembered again the kiss scene of the novel that he hated so much.

In the book, the scene was described way too magically, with the sky full of shooting stars. Copying the book wasn't his plan, he wanted to be original and that's exactly why it was so hard for him to imagine the perfect scenario. Was that exact moment a good moment? The first time they went to a cinema together. They could kiss and the darkness of the room would hide their special moment from everyone else. It could be special. Actually, there was a couple sitting some rows ahead that haven't even watched anything from the movie, they were too busy kissing.

Youngmin heart started to beat aggressively fast, being conscious about what he was about to do was worse than not knowing what he was doing. He should just go for it. Hold Woong’s chin, tilt his head for him and kiss him. That’s it, it wasn’t a big deal, no, it was a big deal. He started to lean over his seat little by little, his hands slowly reaching for Woong who never looked at him once. Instead, he slowly moved away to keep seeing the screen. This wasn’t supposed to be happening.

“Oh no!” The human exclaimed and then screamed. At the same time, a loud sound of shooting was heard and Youngmin himself got scared too. He threw himself back against the back of the comfy chair and looked away without blinking.

That had been close. He almost tried to kiss Woong in the worst timing possible. Youngmin massaged his face with some unnecessary force, he felt so pathetic, so, so pathetic. It could have been worse: if he hadn’t reacted quickly, he was sure they would have crashed their heads together. Woong was totally unaware of what happened, or what it didn’t happened, and the angel thought of a line he read before: _Ground, swallow me up._

And that wasn’t the only embarrassing moment he had.

After the show, they went outside and decided to grab something in the coffee shop. In their way back, Youngmin contemplated again the possibility to make their first kiss happen. The sidewalk wasn’t one of his best options, the place wasn’t really special at all but the lighting of the shop that they were passing by looked wonderful, like little stars hanging from the marquee. He should just pull him by his hand and do it, no problems ahead. But a random guy on a bicycle appeared out of nowhere and rudely passed between them, they had to stop holding hands and jump to different sides to not collide with him.

Woong angrily screamed at the guy something similar to a menace, but he didn’t look really menacing when he shook his little fist in the air while pouting. Meanwhile, Youngmin was having a hard time to believe the whole situation. How come that everything seemed to go against him, as if every bad coincidence that could happen happened in every crucial moment. The human world was messing with him so badly.

 _My last chance is the coffee shop._ He thought with the last remains amounts of dedication he felt. It would be meaningful to kiss in the place they had their first date.

It was getting more and more difficult to find enthusiasm because of his failed attempts. He wasn’t liking that. They continued walking while nagging together about that little incident that occurred, the streets were emptier than before. He hoped that the shop was as clear as the streets but when they reached the place, he saw that it was empty, literally. No one was there.

“Oh, this has to be a joke.” Youngmin couldn’t hold the comment when he saw the closed sign hanging on the door.

“It seems like they changed their schedules.” Woong explained after checking another sign. A bubbling sound was heard and Woong took his phone out of the pocket of his jacket, he looked at it and smiled. “Great, they gave me some days off. The coffee will be open tomorrow, do you wanna come?”

Youngmin remembered he agreed to meet Daehwi tomorrow, he really had to juggle between his relationships huh? “I can't tomorrow…”

“Oh, then after tomorrow? I don't want to not take the chance of these days off"

“Yes…” He agreed because it felt strange to refuse to him. If Youngmin could, he would spend all his time with him. The curiosity pricked on him and asked. “Where do you work?”

“Me? There is this tiny music studio on the area. I just help around there. Oh, let's meet at 6 again, right here.”

Woong didn't say more about his job even when Youngmin wished he did, he wanted to know all about him, his work included, yet he stopped asking about it because his mind was only focusing to remember the important facts: The day after tomorrow, at 6, at the coffeehouse.

They continued walking very slowly because their time was ending, just some meters more and they would be close to Woong's building and the day would end there, with Youngmin feelimg the taste of disappointment and full of regrets.

 _It couldn't get worse._ He thought while thinking back to each of his pitiful attempts.

And right after, the world showed him that it could, indeed, get worse.

A thunder was heard and, slowly, the tiny first drops of water that fell from the sky started to become a pounding rain that soaked them wet from their heads to toe. Woong yelped and dragged him to the closest tiny roof he could find. Youngmin let him drag him, he had no energy to react nor to comment anything. He felt like he failed, like this day wasn’t supposed to be like this. He shouldn’t had let pass yesterday’s opportunity because now everything was out of his control. Under the awning of a closed shop, he looked to the rain that kept falling until Woong’s loud and long laugh brought him back to his senses.

“Man, I should have checked the news before coming. I had no idea it would rain. This so funny!” He said between the giggles that were hampering his speaking. He had the brightest smile painted on his face and Youngmin felt confused a little bit.

“Are you having fun?”

“Of course! The movie was fire, looking the new shops was good and this whole rain thingy is so funny to me. Look at our clothes, so ridiculous! This day was so nice.” Woong laughed some more and then, he continued speaking with soft volume, totally different from his loud content tone of before. “What I don’t know is… if you are having fun… You were really quiet today, more than usual. Am I boring you?”

Youngmin wasn’t able to think carefully an answer, he just wanted to clarify quickly that Woong wasn’t boring him as he thought. In fact, he probably would never get bored of him. Ever.

He answered in a breath, his words colliding with each other as he spat them in a storm of mixed feelings. “No! It’s not that. It’s just- I- I been trying to kiss you all day but I couldn't. I wanted to make it special so it could become a nice memory for us but I couldn’t find the right moment. And this day didn’t go as I wanted: I couldn’t find your flat, I didn’t know where to take you, I failed to kiss you in the perfect moments, the shop was closed, and now our clothes are wet and I’m scared you will get sick and I just feel like I failed…”

Woong didn’t answer back quickly and the moment was only filled by the sound of the rain. Youngmin would lie if he said he wasn’t nervous, he didn’t know how the other would react, he also didn’t know if he explained himself properly. He looked at the blonde and saw how some drops of water would fall from his fringe that was glued to his forehead, Woong was terrifyingly beautiful even when the rain caught him off guard. Without any warning, he called him by his name with a serious tone. His hands became fists and Youngmin knew that couldn’t mean good.

“Are you dumb? Today I had a good time, I wasn’t bothered by any of the things in your list. And what are those perfect moments you talk about? If we kiss, no matter how we do it, when or where, it will still be special because _we_ have something special!”

At the end of his words, Woong's face started to burn. Youngmin’s too. It repeated again and again like an echo in his mind. They had something special. They had something special. He knew it already but hearing it coming straight from Woong’s mouth was making his heart do some crazy thing on his chest that he had to press his hand against his chest.

The human was trying hard to hide his embarrassment but failed miserably because he kept blinking and getting a darker shade of red from the intense staring of the angel. An angel who was in love. He was so in love with the human in front of him. There were no doubts. Wow, he wanted to kiss him so badly.

“I want to kiss you.”

“Oh, wow, same.” The other joked from nervousness. And when Youngmin took a step forward, he added. “Wait, we could kiss under the rain!”

“Under the rain? Why would we do that?”

“Just because. They always do it in the movies.”

“Oh.” That would explain why Youngmin didn’t knew about that possibility. “I haven’t read about it before.”

“Come here!” Woong grabbed him by his arm and made them both move away from the roof that was covering them, the rain was falling over them again.

The water was cold and it was difficult to see between the drops that were covering Youngmin eyelashes but, even so, nothing was annoying enough to make his attention divert from the human. Woong had his both eyes closed, the water fell on his face like a soft waterfall that found its ways in tiny rivers between his fragile features, just to disappear down his neck. He was smiling softly and the chest of the angel churned at the sight.

Love was something incredible.

Youngmin took a step closer to him and hovered over him. This time the only water falling on his face were the drops that had been formed on Youngmin’s hair. The angel carefully held him by his arms, he was so happy Woong let him be the one to take the first step because that allowed him to move at his own pace. If he was the one waiting, he probably wouldn’t handle it. It was too much, too close, too special.

In that moment, the other opened his eyes slowly to look at him in the eyes. Have they ever looked at each other in this kind of proximity? Probably not, because Youngmin was fascinated by the way his eyes looked in the darkness that his own shadow projected on him. They were two round black orbs that held many unsaid words and feelings. He stared at him at his eyes, nose, lips.

Youngmin’s eyes focused on his mouth for a second. His lips were parted slightly and looked as inviting as they always been, even before all the confusion, the talking and conjuring, Woong always had this magic charm that attracted Youngmin since the first moment he saw him. And now he was going to mark those pink lips with his.

As he leaned forward, the human closed his eyes and placed his hands on his shoulders. The distance between them disappeared and their lips touched, shyly, for the first time, greeting each other after for what it felt so long. It felt right and fulfilling. Woong lips were soft, softer than anything else he has ever felt. Two comfortable little cushions that welcomed his own mouth in the most perfect way. Youngmin didn’t know how many seconds they were like that, he didn’t care, he didn’t want it to end but his insecurities made him open his eyes to see the other’s reaction to check if he had done it right. His breathing was mixing with Woong’s soft exhales and he could feel his own heart on his throat.

“That was awesome” Woong cutely smiled at him. Youngmin felt something similar to nausea, a fluttery feeling in his stomach because of the growing euphoria he got from seeing Woong as happy as him. “Again, again, again!”

He chanted and grabbed his face with both hands to capture his mouth, pecking him softly. Youngmin heart was ready to burst out of his chest from happiness and he could get used to it, to feeling something this intense every time they kissed. But, when they stepped away, he noticed how Woong lips started to tremble. Even if the other was looking up to him with sparkling eyes, Youngmin was conscious about their situation.

“Woong, we need to get going. I agree that kissing under the rain is something amazing but at this point you will get sick if you don’t get warm and dry.”

“I will not get sick, I promise.” Woong pouted to him cutely. Youngmin felt himself giving up to the temptation of just staying there and kissing him until his legs gave up creeped up his mind, but his health was on top of everything.

Woong kept complaining and complaining childishly to him when Youngmin leaded him to the building by the hand. There was another thunder that made them jump and the raining somehow became heavier so they started to run.

They were moving fast under the rain and, out of nowhere, like many of Woong’s reactions, the human started to laugh at the top of his lungs and he screamed every time they stepped on a little puddle of the sidewalks. Youngmin joined too, and laughed, the mere reason was that he was happy. He was feeling the most genuine happiness of his whole existence. He would have never guessed before that happiness could be found running under the rain, holding the hand of the one he loved, screaming loudly together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i dont think im the best at writing kissing scenes? but there you go  
> i can't belive it took 6 chapters for my characters to kiss thats crazy i wonder if im not making it too slow?  
> nnnnn i rlly need to start updating faster  
> see u <3 don't forget to stream moondance mv when it drops


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> moondance mv is sooooo amazing it made me to post two chapters in one week so hurry! make a wish!

Youngmin couldn't stay still in his house because of the adrenaline that kept rushing through his body, he kept walking in circles. He had already taken his wet clothes off and they were hanging on the shower curtain rod, hoping they would be dry for the morning. But that was at the bottom of his thoughts since he couldn't stop reviving how it felt to kiss Woong.

He used to think kissing was just an action without bigger implications, he was wrong. His world felt like it was shaking when he remembered the way he shared such a beautiful moment under the rain with Woong. It sounded, and it was, so romantic.

Some time ago he was scared and didn't know nothing about love, and now he felt like someone different. He was happy to be in love, he was happy to know Woong, and he was happier to know the other felt the same way. Did Woong heart also do weird things on his chest when he was with him? That would be the cutest thing ever. All he wanted to do now was to be with him and share many more wonderful moments together. Even if he was a human and he was an angel. Youngmin was sure that he loved him deeply. The future seemed uncertain for them but he didn’t want to think more about that unpleasant worry. The important thing now was their present.

The uniform was still slightly damp when he put it on again. He went on his day supposing that, with the breeze and the time, it will naturally go back to its dry state. Before leaving, he grabbed the novel because he was going to return it to the library that day. He met Donghyun on his way, he looked a little bit off, but Youngmin thought he was imagining things. Probably that was just the normal way to act and he was the one that was acting differently, full of energy.

He felt content, his mood couldn't be affected by anything because his heart was full of joy. Probably that feeling would not leave him for some time. Not even when his professor called him after classes. He told Donghyun to go back without him and his friend said goodbye quickly to let him speak in private with the older angel.

“Youngmin, have you done all your readings already?”

The question was unexpected. “Um, most of it. Is there a reason for your question?”

His professor sighed deeply and looked to his sides with a slight discomfort. Whatever he was going to say, it was not going to sound good. “It's nothing confirmed yet, but I think this time the exams will have two big modules, one of theory and another one of physical techniques. And probably, they will not allow me to let you skip the second one. So, this means you will have to do perfectly on your exam about theory, no mistakes, so you can balance it.”

Great, another thing to worry about

“I get it. Thanks for warning me.”

“Have your readings on day, please, and if you have any question, don't hesitate to come up to me.”

“Thank you very much.” He said goodbye to them and was left alone in the empty classroom. It will be hard to find an inspiration to start the readings that he hadn’t even touched yet.

Youngmin sighed and made his way to the Main Library to meet Daehwi, as they had agreed last time. He entered the library and gave back the novel. The librarian angel received it without any expressions on their face. There was an awkward silence after that, because Youngmin didn't know what to say before getting inside the shelves. He had to announce what type of readings he wanted to do so the angel could give him the indications where to go. Otherwise, he couldn't get inside, that was the protocol.

He wasn't sure if Daehwi arrived there already and, even if he asked for a random topic and managed to get inside, it was probably that it would be hard to meet them each other inside the large and long aisles without getting lost. They should have thought this better.

“Hello, I'm coming in the name of the professor of the class 133 of Afterlife. I'm here for some material.” Daehwi announced himself next to him and Youngmin smiled at him. It always went right when it's about the younger.

“The material you are looking for is on the area of books of Judgment.” The tall bright angel indicated him with a gesture to a side with their long hand.

“Thank you. Can you help me with this?”

Daehwi's question was for Youngmin, who nodded at him and followed him. Only when they were both alone, Youngmin started speaking with a playful tone.

“You are still doing tasks, I see.”

“Yup, and at the same time I help a friend. I'm killing two birds with one stone.”

“Killing? Birds?”

“Ugh. You really need to step up on your human slang game.” He said sarcastically while he looked at his sides, searching for the area where the material was.

“Now you are just showing off.”

Daehwi laughed and checked another section for a second, that wasn't the one he was searching for, so he continued walking along the light brown-haired angel. They continued passing between the books and the gargantuan shelves until Daehwi broke the silence. “So, what are the updates my friend? Spill the tea.”

“Stop it, seriously, I don’t understand you if you keep speaking like that.” Youngmin said less happily but Daehwi looked amused, of course the younger would love him to see him getting annoyed. He was really slow for metaphors and fancy human expressions. And this wasn’t the moment to play around. “Anyways, I realized I love Woong.”

“Yeah, you told me that.”

“And we kissed. On the lips.”

Daehwi stopped from what he was doing and gasped loudly. “Oh, so you kissed him after all? Wow, it is serious, it’s really serio- Wait, is he one of those humans that consider kissing is important?”

“I think so. He said we had something special.” Youngmin shrugged his shoulders. He wanted to believe their kiss was special, not because the rain or the place or the time, but because they both loved each other.

“Ah, that is actually love… I can't believe this.” Daehwi said surprised with a hand on his chest, then he looked down for a moment. That wasn't the reaction Youngmin was expecting to, he wanted him to scream and smile like the first time. He wondered what was happening. “When you told me the first time, don't kill me but, I thought you were just messing around. Now, you are being really honest here. I don't know how to take it.”

“I thought you would be happy for me…”

“Kind of. I can't help thinking how this will go from now on. You have any ideas?”

“I… don't. I was waiting for your opinion. All I know is that I want to be with him, that will not change. I fell in love as an angel, I want to be with him forever.” Youngmin confessed.

“Youngmin… He is a human, you are the only angel here. There is no way this world will accept that. You can't tell him about your nature without putting us on danger but you can't be living a double life forever either.”

The reality he has been avoiding to deal with was hitting him on the face through his friend’s words. Youngmin furrowed his eyebrows, there was an annoyance building up inside him, so what if they were different? What about it? Why it would be wrong? Love isn't wrong. Yet, he didn't show it, the anger that he was feeling wasn't directed to his friend who was just worrying about him.

“I will have to try. There must be a way.”

The younger made a silence and searched for the books he had to take away but Youngmin knew he just was thinking his following words. He was thankful that the other was taking this seriously.

Being with Woong was something that it will be difficult to manage, he never heard before about an angel who fell deeply for a human. He heard about human loving angels without knowing they were angels or angels that accidentally got involved because of the usual infatuation that the simple mortals could give them, but that was nothing like he was feeling. He wanted to be forever with Woong. Daehwi interrupted his thoughts.

“I think your best option should be to finish your major. Then, when you are a guardian angel, you can be most of your time in the human world and no one will find it weird.” He said looking a little bit insecure of his own idea, Daehwi really was trying hard to give him the best advice he could come up with and Youngmin felt so happy to have him as a friend.

“Daehwi, you are a genius!” He gave him an effusive hug.

“Yeah, yeah, I get that a lot.” He rolled his eyes with a tiny smile, the younger would never admit that he could get embarrassed from those type of comments. “You should be really careful though. The moment someone finds out… It will bad, really bad... Is Donghyun still suspecting something?”

At the mention of Donghyun, Youngmin broke the hug, the bright atmosphere that his tiny hope gave him was changed. He remembered how his friend acted las time and he spoke with a hue of doubt. “I don’t know anymore. But we had a difficult moment, I think he is more upset about me being a bad friend than my unexplained moves.”

“It's always been like this, how come you are both extremely close yet you two fail in something as simple as communicating?”

“We are fine now.”

“Yeah, just don't be a fool and kept in mind he cares about you a lot.” He took a brief moment to think, and then, he added shyly. “I do too, so please be careful.”

“I will. Thank you, Daehwi.”

There was a pause that felt really heavy. His friend looked really worried. Youngmin knew since the begging that it was dangerous, but now, after accepting his feelings and deciding to follow them, the danger felt even realer. The younger angel clapped in the air and changed the mood by talking effusively like he always did.

“You are crazy! But! I'll support you in everything you do because you are my dumb friend. Now, please salute Donghyun for me later, I will be quite busy so I will not be able to greet him myself.”

“Greet him?” Youngmin asked in confusion.

“Oh, you really are the worst friend ever. How can you forget Donghyun's birth anniversary ceremony?”

“It is tomorrow?”

“Yes!?”

“That can't be… I- I told Woong we would see each other.”

“Youngmin. Listen.” He grabbed him by the shoulders to put more emphasis in his speaking, looking straight to his eyes. That was unnecessary dramatic. “You cannot skip it, I repeat, you can't skip Donghyun's ceremony. It's too important for him, he understands why I can't but you have no excuse. And if you two just had a fight or whatever recently, you will break his heart for sure.”

“But Woong…”

“Oh c'mon, it's just once, you can go back to seeing him after it.” He shoved him away with one hand and went back to his task.

He didn't talk more about it with his friend because his brain had decided it was time to work really slowly. Daehwi got his material and told him he would be heading back already, they said goodbye to each other and Youngmin went back to his house in the human world without paying attention to his surroundings. Thanks to Daehwi, he knew how to be able to be with Woong in the long way, not in the short one though.

He asked himself why Donghyun didn't talk about his birth anniversary before. An exact answer wasn't found and he guessed it was probably because of his own worries that the topic wasn't mentioned. If there was someone to blame, it was himself. It was his fault to forget Donghyun's birth anniversary and it was also his fault he asked Woong to meet each other on the same day. He was so dumb.

In the bed of his house, he thought of heading to Woong's place to tell him he wouldn't be able to make it tomorrow, but that was risky, he didn't know if he was in his house at the moment. A cellphone would come handy in these situations, he realized, and contemplated the idea of getting one for some time, just to ignore the fact that he will have to let Woong realize by himself that he wasn't going to be there for him.

He didn't want to think of that scene, of Woong waiting for him at the coffee shop just for him to not make it. It hurt and he actually felt like crying because of that image, yet he held it back. It was inevitable, it was something he had to do in order to give them more time together. He had to attend Donghyun's ceremony to prevent any suspicious behavior. And skipping his best friend event was definitely a suspicious behavior.

He felt bad because his plans changed drastically. From a nice cup of tea with his beloved one to the angelic event he disliked the most. Birthday ceremonies for angels were more of a formal memorial more than a celebration. Angels lives weren’t something that their society celebrate, they are contingent immortal existences and completing a full cycle wasn't a victory, but something normal, something expected, since they aren't exposed to as many risks as other living creatures. Still some angels, like Donghyun, really thought of them in a meaningful way, some like to celebrate and invite the angels that were important to them to join them in that day.

The ceremony consisted in thanking the Light and letting it mark the angel's ceph. Youngmin have been skipping his ceremonies for some time now, because every time he leaned over and showed the emptiness of the top of his head to the legendary force, it became an awkward moment for him and his usual invited angels: Donghyun, Donghyun’s progenitors and Daehwi. He was tired of faking that he had something to be thankful and pretending to get a mark somewhere. The Upper World didn’t judge his choice, apparently everyone agreed it had no meaning for Youngmin. That was slightly hurtful.

Donghyun ceremony took place after their lessons, and Youngmin wasn’t expecting to see that many other angels were attending too. He was surprised to see how many divine beings Donghyun knew, since when he got this popular? Then, Youngmin realized that in the past cycle he hadn’t been paying attention to what goes on in the other’s life, he was only focused on his own existence and his own thoughts.

Time was unquantifiable force that always went unnoticed for him, he knew it was there, passing and making changes in every creature’s path. And a nostalgic feeling got him when he realized that he was changing, Donghyun was changing and there was nothing that he could do against the weight of time, a dimension that determined many things and that it was out of anyone’s control. This was why he disliked birth ceremonies, it made him feel weird and way too thoughtful on things that made his chest heavy.

The little crowd headed outside the institute and elevated to the following level. Youngmin looked everyone leave without looking back and he felt left behind. He should have asked Donghyun or someone to help him but he had felt too shy to ask. Just when he was thinking that maybe he would miss his friend’s ceremony, he felt a tug on both of his sides.

“Hold yourself tight, angel.” Daein said. Youngmin looked at both sides and saw his friend’s progenitors holding his arms to lift him off the ground.

They took him to the other level and his heart was happy to feel that weird sensation that was to be in the air, yet it mixed with his internal heavy feelings in a bittersweet pain that made his mouth twist in a fake smile. The two older angels didn’t release him when they reached the level of destination because they still had to move to the other tower. It was only done in a particular way.

In the end of this level, the one that was exactly in the middle, the angels could go across the space that separated the two towers, like an invisible bridge that connected both structures. They moved in a line and Youngmin felt the angels hold him tighter thantower, but, before they approached the end of the level, Donghyun turned around from the crowd of angels and went back to them, alarmed.

“Hyejoo, leave it to me. I will hold Youngmin in your place.” Donghyun told her and took her spot, Youngmin felt Donghyun hands grab him strongly.

“Hey, I’m not that heavy, you know.” He joked and laughed awkwardly. No one answered to his jest.

They started their way to the other tower and Youngmin tried to not look down, to the eternal abysm, but looking at the front wasn’t good either. He saw the other angels moving in line as flowy as water. It took him many of his first cycles of existence to not felt sad every time he could see the differences between the others and him but it was always a hard thing to do.

He looked at Donghyun for a brief moment and wondered if his friend wouldn’t be better if he was with the other angels instead of holding him, the useless one. His mind kept trying to bring him down with many unwanted bad thoughts that he was trying hard to block but that breaking feeling was threating to make his eyes burn and water. In the end, he preferred to look down, to the nothing that the void was, an endless white void.

It wasn’t any good in the other tower either. The looks the warrior angels gave him were unnecessary, he didn’t like this side of the Upper World. Apparently not only the Light was there, the Higher Order was there too, somewhere else in the tower, and he could feel the prejudices more in this part of their world where the most elitists angels habited.

They all headed together up to the last level where the Light was. Everyone gathered around the brightness that came from the middle of the place. Round, white, a big orb that was the reason of their existences and the one that contained the purest energy that could ever exist. Around the Light, there were four Cherubs, angels that have devoted their unending time to maintain its power balanced. Youngmin’s progenitor was there.

Tall, bright, with a figure that didn’t look as anthropomorphic as the other angels, the Cherub’s weird looking limbs were against the limits of the Light. It was weird to see his progenitor there, it always gave him mixed feelings to see them. The Cherub didn’t look at him not even once, it was prohibited, they should only focus on their work to keep the energy flowing. Because of that reason, his progenitor didn’t feel like a progenitor, unlike the two angels that were to his sides, Donghyun’s ones. He would never say it, but he thought that the Cherub was an egoist. Why would they bring a descendant to the world if they wouldn’t be able to take care of them?

The ceremony started and Donghyun got close to the Light, he closed his eyes, due the brightness, and he took some minutes to internally make some internal thanks, then, he bowed forward. The flame over his head got mixed with the light of the orb for some seconds. When he stood up forward, his ceph looked bright, and bigger, just by a little bit that could go unnoticed if one didn’t focus enough. And Youngmin was focused on it. Donghyun looked bright, both, figuratively and literally speaking. When he turned around, he showed his wide smile to all the angels that were present.

Youngmin felt happy and at the same time envy. He was shocked at himself, envy? how can he be envy of his best friend? Guilt joined and it created a mess inside him. After Donghyun said goodbye to the other students, him, his progenitors and Youngmin headed to the human world, to the older angel’s house.

There, the older guardian angels offered them a tiny cake. Donghyun felt embarrassed because they got him a birthday cake as if he was a human, but Youngmin found the detail very cute. He accepted a piece and ate in silence. He felt very off from the moment. Out of place. The family in front of him talked and enjoyed their moment together and, even if they considered him a part of it too, he knew they were having a special moment that he could not feel. It would be hypocrite to join when he was having these unexpected attacks of jealously inside. He was the worst for envying Donghyun's life. How could he claim himself as his best friend when he could allow his heart have these harmful feelings?

Looking at the time on the TV was a mistake. It was many hours later than 6pm, that hour passed long time ago. Woong probably already went to the coffee shop, sat there and waited, only to leave later. Youngmin had done what he feared the most: he disappointed him.

Along with the troubling he carried the whole day, the realization brought a new wave of sadness. His many emotions were fighting each other inside him and it made him feel numb. Youngmin stood up and told everyone he had a great time (a lie) to announce he would be going back to his house. Donghyun looked at him with a confused expression.

“Let me walk you home, it's pretty late.” He said and put a light coat on, he looked like he wouldn't take a no as an answer. Youngmin just let him accompany him.

They strolled through the streets that were only lighted by the street lamps, it was so late that there was no one else than them on the public thoroughfare. His friend asked once again if he had a good time, even after he heard his statement back at his house, Donghyun was probably giving him a second chance to reword his comment. It wasn't something he would like to speak now, so he just shrugged his shoulders in a vague gesture. The other didn’t say anything about it.

Youngmin eyes wandered around them instead of focusing on his friend, looking at the buildings that were surrounding them and the houses with the lights turned off. Every human was sleeping at these hours, Woong probably too, in his house, in the bed they held hands.

A movement caught his eyes and he turned to try to see it clearly, no one should be up at this hour in a working day in the human world. “Huh? What’s that?” Youngmin asked to himself and his friend focused his attention on the direction he was looking at.

There was an alley between two buildings that was quite dark and Youngmin could swear he saw something moving on the floor there. His curiosity kept telling him to check what it was. He took some steps towards the place.

“Youngmin? What are you doing?”

“Hey, it could be a someone who needs help.”

“Even if it was, we shouldn’t get involv- Youngmin? Youngmin!” He tried to get his attention but the other was already heading to the valley, Donghyun had no other option to follow him in worry.

Youngmin spotted the thing it was moving: it was a human, the person was squatting down facing the wall of the alley. The angel worried, was he feeling bad? The human breathing was kind of erratic, and the whole situation felt bad. Maybe they were on drugs, the poor humans sometimes fall into these evil inventions that could consume them completely. He has read about the drug addicts and how those vulnerable people were the most difficult humans to guard. And if that was the case, he wanted to help.

Youngmin would call an ambulance with the human’s phone and leave, just a little action to save their lives. Before he could approach them, Donghyun grabbed him by the arm and pulled him back. When he turned around to tell his friend to let him do what he wanted, he saw that Donghyun’s eyes were filled with terror.

“That’s- That’s not a human, Youngmin.” His friend voice broke.

Youngmin throat closed and his mind felt blurry.

_Not a human, not a human, not an angel._

That only meant one thing.

When he turned back to see the supposed human, fear ran through his whole body.

The guy stood up and looked over his shoulders, the white of his eyes went totally pitch black, so dark it looked like his eyes were empty except by the iris that reminisced of a fake human nature.

In that moment, Donghyun started to run with him. Youngmin took some seconds to process that he should start running too, starting a little bit clumsy and then joining him when he understood that their lives were in danger. A demon was chasing them. The creature that they always have been told to avoid.

Youngmin ran and ran, hand on hand with his friend. The fear was staring to make his head spin and his eyes itched, he wanted to cry. If his legs gave up, it would be the end for him. Donghyun probably could put some fight against them but Youngmin… he had no chance, they would kill him in a second. Because he was weak.

Donghyun leaded them and took many different ways, turns and shortcuts. He kept taking them in different directions to escape from the devil creature behind them. They never turned back, every second was vital in that situation, all they could focus was on their way to leave behind the menacing dark presence that they could hear.

They continued sprinting and after some minutes, even when there was no sight of the demon anymore, they kept running to the point it started to ache. It was difficult to breathe and Youngmin lungs hurt every time he inhaled, his sides begging him to stop overdoing it on the physical effort but the intense terror gave him enough adrenaline to carry on and reach his house.

They entered quickly and closed the door behind them in the blink of an eye, their legs failed them and they sat down on the floor. They tried to catch their breath for some long minutes in which the angels didn’t say noting, panting again and again. Youngmin was trying to process what happened, how it happened. It was crazy to think that he risked their lives like that.

It was also the first time he saw a real demon and not an old drawing from the books they have read at their lessons. The first time he saw those dark eyes that sent shivers down his spine. Youngmin felt like throwing up and covered him mouth, Donghyun got closer quickly to hold him. Yet he didn't, it just was a feeling due the shock.

When they regained enough strength, they sat on the chairs next to the table of the kitchen in an uncomfortable silence. It was hard to speak after that terrible moment.

“I'm sorry.” Youngmin finally spoke. “I just wanted to help. That's all. I didn't mean to- I didn't expected that-”

His voice failed him. Tears started to fall down his cheeks and he wasn't sure why he was crying, if it was because of the afterwards hard feeling of being in such a dangerous situation, or if he just felt bad, or if it was the many mixed emotions that were finally erupting from the bottom of him. Maybe it was all of it. Donghyun held his hands.

“You were really brave out there. You will be a great guardian angel in the future.” His friend whispered into the silence of his house, and Youngmin couldn't help but sob at his words.

It was a long time since the last time he cried, and he felt he should take that opportunity and cry his heart out because of the many things that have been dragging him down lately. Everything: from his unclear future to the fear that wouldn't leave his body, from his unhealthy thoughts to the fact that Woong probably hated him in that moment.

And Donghyun just let him, comforting him in silence, just the way Youngmin liked. He wasn't sure if Donghyun knew why he was crying but he had a feeling his friend understood that that day had been a difficult day for him.

He didn't know how long he cried, he only regained his vision after the last tears dropped. He took some deep breaths and he was able to think clearly again, slowly, from event to event. He asked for something he only realized about when he recapitulated the terrifying the episode in detail.

“How did you know it was a demon?”

“I felt it. Here and here.” Donghyun pointed firstly to his own fingers then to his forehead. “It's a cold feeling, you… just know it. First a weird scent and then, a deep feeling that makes every cell of your body scream appears. Angels perceive the difference intuitively. The energy flows different, coldly. Maybe because you…"

Donghyun was trying to act carefully with him but Youngmin was alright already, those kinds of things wouldn't get him sad anymore after crying so much. “I get it. It's a power thing. I had no idea about that.”

“I will warn the authorities we saw demon activity. It's weird, It never happened before this area. Be careful, Youngmin, and if you see something weird, tell me, and I'll ask for a reassignment.”

Reassignment? That meant going somewhere else in the human world, he hoped it never happened, he couldn't leave Woong behind. He decided to change subjects, this whole demon topic wasn't making him feel good.

“Can I see your ceph?” Donghyun allowed to his flame to show, appearing in a second on the top of his head. Youngmin reached for it with a hand and when it came to in contact with it, the light warmly wrapped against his hand. The ceph, the distinction of angel, the mark of their divine energy. It was so cute to Youngmin, he played with it with his fingers, making them dance between the fire. “What does it feel like to be a cycle older, Donghyun?”

“Not much difference.” Donghyun leaned forward and put his head against Youngmin's and it made him remember how they always did that when they were newborns. Youngmin would cry a lot about his missing ceph and Donghyun would put his head next to his, to create the illusion that, for a second, the powerless angel had his own light too. He would tell him they could share his ceph and it always made Youngmin feel better, today wasn't the exception. “I'm the same.”

Youngmin smiled at his gesture and Donghyun giggled. Crying and being comforted made him feel lighter, he still had a lot to worry about but he would try to not let him feel bad. He would find a way. There was always a way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> omgg the demonss the drama the angst   
> this chapter is filled with a loot of new info so let it sink in lmao  
> have a nice week  
> till next update <3


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i haven't proof read this as much as i wanted to but... whatever.

The following day, the first thing Youngmin did after his lessons ended was to head to Woong's house. He had to apologize quickly. He was really scared the human would hate him forever. He remembered clearly the number of the flat, 82, he wouldn't be able to forget it anymore. It took him a while to find it between all the other ones.

Youngmin felt his own heart’s shaky palpitations when he was in front of his house, he posed a hand on his chest and breathed deeply. He would apologize and try his best to explain without exposing himself on why he wasn't there for him yesterday. He knocked on the door once… then twice when nothing happened.

Nothing was heard and no one opened. It seemed like he wasn't home. He left the building with regret. It was the first time they lost contact, they always kept in touch, agreeing on which time and place they would see each other but now the contact was broken.

Visiting the coffee shop was something he hasn't planned, his own feet moved by themselves and took him to the place he should have met Woong the day before. He entered and looked around with the illogical hope of him being there, obviously he wasn't. He decided to drink something, just because he didn't feel like going home already, reading didn’t attract him anymore when all he could think was Woong.

“I want a honey grapefruit black tea, please.” He asked for the only beverage he knew, the only one that had tried before, the one Woong had shown him.

He really missed him right now.

“Oh! I remember you.” The cashier said when she lifted her glance from the machine. It was the same employee that served him and Woong the last time. “You will be drinking it here? Eh? Where is your boyfriend?”

The human made the questions quickly one behind the other energetically.

“This time I'll drink alone.”

“He also came alone, yesterday. Did you two fight?” She said jokingly. Youngmin didn't know how to answer in that, he looked to his sides, feeling himself tensing up in awkwardness. The human changed her speaking tone to a softer one. “Oh. I'm sorry. I'm really sorry.”

“It's fine.”

“Just go sit over there, I'll bring your order to the table soon.”

“Thanks.”

He took a seat on the same table of last time but it wasn't the same. Coming here, asking for the same, sitting on the same place, it all made him feel a little bit closer to Woong somehow. He wondered and tried to imagine him there with him, on the other side of the table with his milkshake and a tiny smile, but he couldn't avoid to imagine how he was there yesterday.

Did he also sit there and wait for him? How long he waited? Did it hurt? Did Woong get hurt because of him? He groaned and rested his head against the table. They were supposed to be enjoying to be together, after finally kissing and making explicit the fact that they liked each other, this should have been their start of their golden time. He had ruined it so badly.

He heard someone sitting across the table and he looked up quickly because, for a brief moment, he thought his favorite human would be there. What a hopeless illusion. His mind was playing tricks on him. The coffee shop employee had brought his drink and a piece of cake that Youngmin didn’t remember asking for. At his confused look, the girl explained: “House invites.”

“Thanks.” He had no energy to refuse.

Youngmin thought the girl would leave after she was done but she looked like she had something to say from how she fiddled her thumbs together. The angel didn't say anything and waited patiently.

“It was inappropriate for me to say those things of before. I didn't know it was something serious.”

“He was waiting for me here yesterday. And I didn't appear.” There wasn’t a real explanation on why he told her about it. Maybe he really needed someone to hear him out. And, incredibly, this girl was the only one who could do it in that moment. Youngmin looked at the name tag on her uniform: Yuna. He saw Yuna nod repeatedly, she had been here too. His word left his mouth before he could think them properly. “Did he wait too much?”

“At first, he didn't let me serve him nothing. Then, after an hour, he asked for a black coffee, I think? After he was done, he left.”

“Thanks for telling me.”

“Hey.” She called his attention and posed her hand over his. She gifted him a sweet look and continued. “Don't worry about it, just apologize and explain yourself, he will understand.” And after a soft squeeze on his hand, the cashier left the table to go back to work.

Youngmin couldn't answer that that was one of the main problems: he couldn't explain himself. He couldn't tell him the reason why he never showed up was because he was too busy looking at the Light mark his best friend ceph. And he didn't really want to lie in a situation like this, he couldn't build up their relationship on base of lies. Well, he kind of did already, but that was not the point.

The drink didn't taste as good as he remembered and the cake was good but way too sweet to finish it all. Woong would have love it. He loved sweets as much as him, or even more. It was surprising that the other asked for a black coffee, it didn't fit him. Maybe he still had many things to know about the other yet.

He went back to home with the plan to start his readings but instead, he sulked in his bed. The exams were approaching slowly and he couldn't find enough motivation to study, it was difficult to try to understand high complex texts when all he could think about was of a certain human.

The next day, he tried again. He went to the big building, to the flat number 82, and knocked on the door. And again, no one answered. It was really painful to feel again the same disappointment. He felt weaker.

The more time it passed, the worse, he needed to apologize and see him. Mostly see him. There was a strong longing feeling inside him that kept growing minute per minute. Still, he wouldn't lose control. There has to be a way.

That day, when he was going to his house, he passed by the coffee shop but didn’t step in. He looked from outside, pressed his hand over the crystal and looked inside, scanning with his eyes the small place. No signs of the blonde boy.

He did the same on the glass of the minimarket. The possibilities of him being there were low, yet if they existed, Youngmin had to check. But Woong wasn't there.

It was getting him on his nerves. Why it looked like Woong disappeared? It was so hard to find him. Only in that moment, he realized that It really was the biggest luckiest coincidence ever to find him that day on the market, the day where they shared some snacks and Youngmin thought he was the cutest. Their first encounter after the party that felt like it happened so long ago.

None of the places looked the same without Woong.

On the third day, despair was starting to sneak in between his thoughts. It was difficult to breathe when after he knocked on Woong's door for the second time and he saw no answer. Again. Maybe he hated him, maybe he really ruined it, maybe this was the end, right after the start.

He contemplated just waiting there until someone came or appeared but dismissed the idea when he thought about it in depth, he would scare the other people in the building. He looked to the other flats on the sides, number 81 and number 83, he got closer to the one on the left and knocked. It wasn’t a brilliant move but it felt like his options were narrowing each day it passes. The door opened and he saw a human, on her thirties probably, that didn't look very pleased at his sight.

“Who are you? What do you want?”

“I'm sorry to bother, I was just looking for my friend, your neighbor, he is a blonde boy and I was hoping you could leave him a message for me-"

“I don’t know who you talking about. Is this a joke? Just text your friend and leave me alone.” Then a crying baby was heard from inside the woman’s flat, she sighed and closed the door on Youngmin's face.

The angel felt even more discouraged. How could Woong disappear like that from his life? Was he avoiding him? His glance stopped at his flat, wondering if he was there, behind the door, avoiding him. True or not, he still had to keep trying. There was another place he could find him if he wasn't at home: his workplace.

The thing was that Youngmin didn't know where he worked exactly, he just knew the detail that it was in a music studio. He walked to the main streets of the neighborhood and doubted on how to start his search since he didn't know much of the city, only the places Woong showed him, and Woong never show him where he worked. However, he felt determined to find it and find him, he would not let his bad thoughts get him again.

Youngmin started asking to every human that he came across on the street, many of them ignored him or just answered rudely to him, some others said they never heard about a studio around there and another person thought he knew but he wasn't sure. It was the tenth human he asked that looked sure enough to answer specifically that there was a studio located four blocks away from the park. There wasn't any other information so he had to trust him and head that way.

Being outside for so long and having interacted with so many humans wasn't something pleasing to him, he felt the urge to go home and sulk, again, because the situation felt to go abroad his shy nature yet there he was, walking in circles and searching for a place he never saw before. He had to ask for a few more indications in his way until he found a building that fit the description that one stranger told him. He felt how his heart stopped and how his hands were shaking. He had no idea what to say to Woong, the practiced speech he had prepared two days ago was already forgotten. He entered with some doubt and looked around quickly, was he there?

“How can I help you?” A lady asked from the desk.

“I'm looking for Woong. Jeon Woong. He works here and there is an emergency.” _I must say I'm sorry._ That was his emergency.

The receptionist typed something on the computer that was in front of her and checked a couple of papers before speaking. She had a difficult expression to read. “Sorry, there is no Jeon Woong working here. You must be wrong.”

“Oh. Okay, thanks.”

Youngmin left slowly, his eyes were looking at his own feet take him out of the studio that had no idea who Jeon Woong was. His sight was unfocused for some minutes, staring to a point on the street and at the same time not really seeing. He felt so weird. He took some deep breathes and tried to go back on his steps to go home. Another day without seeing him.

The situation was scaring him and making him feel even more needy, every second it passed, he just wanted to be with him more and more. It was like a long torture.

He saw the shops that he looked at some days ago with the blonde human, he remembered clearly how Woong’s eyes shined at every glass of every shop. He was always full of energy, and it was contagious, now without him, Youngmin felt really tired. Even if he is actively looking for him, the angel had a sensation that he was lacking more energy than usual, he just wanted to stay at his house so bad. He looked at the shops once again and one caught his eye, it was an electronic shop, full of the latest devices. And Youngmin entered, because something popped up in his mind.

“Sir, are you looking for something in special?” A human asked while he was glancing around, there were so many things there. It was kind of surprising how much technology humanity has created.

“I'm looking for a cellphone.”

“Oh, any model in particular? We have…” Youngmin stopped paying attention when the man started listing really weird names, letters and numbers. He didn't care, he just wanted one that could make him be able to contact Woong.

“That one.” He pointed to a random one to make the employee stop with the complicated descriptions. The cellphone looked kind of pretty, it was white and big.

“Phew! Nice choice.” The man took it and went by the cashier register to prepare the product for him. “Anything else?”

He was about to answer that no, yet he changed his mind when he saw more things next to him. “Are those-?”

“Wireless earphones. We got the latest models in the market that ensure the best quality of sound.”

“I will get them too.”

The man quickly prepared a set of earphones with a smile, probably happy to get two purchases in one day. Youngmin paid with all the money of his wallet, it was so expensive that he almost couldn’t buy it, he had to use all of it. He wouldn’t be able to buy anything else until next month, when his new founds were deposited. He left the shop, bag on hand, and did the same thing of the last days: passing in front of the coffee shop, staring inside, going to the market and looking inside there too.

He was just some meters away from his house when he spotted some people running to him. Youngmin wanted no problems, whatever it was, he didn’t want to get involved on it so he moved to a side to let them pass but the first person to approach him, grabbed him by the arm and dragged him in a quick motion to the little valley that the market had behind.

He tried to escape but the woman in front of him was holding him so hard that he couldn’t move. The strength was impressive. Youngmin’s eyes adjusted to the darkness of the place and he stared to the woman in front of him. Suddenly, she held him by the neck and pushed him to the wall. His heart clenched in a painful way and his lungs emptied in one breathe when the girl stared him with her dark and empty eyes…

The demon smirked at his expression of fear painted in his face. “Listen, human, you will be my alibi. If you say something, you are over.”

Youngmin heard some voices coming closer.

“Where is she?”

“That bitch was here just some minutes ago.”

“Fuck.”

The demon turned him around and changed spots with him, now she was the one against the wall. With one hand, she grabbed him by the collar and forced him to hover over her, his big figure covering her. Youngmin couldn’t process what it was happening, he wouldn’t look at anywhere else than the menacing demonic eyes that stared him back. The woman pressed her fingers on his neck, her nails grew quickly at an inhuman velocity and the sharp tips threated to break his skin. If he moved, he was dead. His pulse accelerated and he hoped that everything ended, he didn’t want to die yet, on this dark valley on hands of a demon, without seeing Woong one last time.

“I think she left already.”

“We can search in that direction.”

“Let’s go!”

It seemed that the voices were leaving by the way steps were heard. The demon smirked at him and pushed him to the ground. He couldn’t move, he was petrified. He kept his eyes on her, who looked down at him with a twisted smile.

“I would actually kill you but I’m very busy. You’ll forget this soon, human, I’m not giving you a trauma today. You are lucky.”

The demonic girl turned and ran deep in the valley with an impressive speed. Youngmin stopped holding his breath and started to pant heavily, choking himself with his own saliva that had pooled inside his mouth. That had been so close, so close that he even had felt the weight of death coming for him. If that demon moved her arm, she would have slit his throat open, and he knew she could do it without thinking it twice. Demons were the worst of the worst; they didn’t care about anything else than their own lives. That’s why they were so dangerous.

It was the second time he saw a demon in a span of a week. It couldn’t mean anything good. The area was starting to become a dangerous place. It wasn’t even that late for this. They were starting to do evil even in daylight. That was worrisome.

Youngmin tried to stand up but his legs failed him, his body was still in shock and he waited a little bit till his limbs stopped trembling from the fright that had shook him hardly. It was difficult to go back home and act as if he hasn’t been threatened to die some minutes ago. If he was a human, he would have been able to forget it, as the demon said, but he wasn’t.

For once, he was glad that he was the most human looking angel of the existence, he couldn’t imagine what would have happened if the demon realized that the person they had in their hands was an angel. He was sure it would have been his end.

He looked at his sides again, just in case, he wanted to be sure he was alone. After that, he stood up with some difficulty, helping himself with the wall behind him. He grabbed his bag and went back to his house in a quick pace. From time to time, he looked over his shoulders, no one was following him, no one was looking at him, but yet, he felt insecure.

Even inside his house he couldn’t feel safe. He sat down and covered his face with his palms. His heart wouldn’t calm down and the stress he had been feeling lately only made it worse. He knew his health was good, this was something else, it was his mind that kept thinking and thinking and thinking and making him feel dizzy.

He was alone this time, he had no one to be there for him when he was feeling like this. And he could not tell Donghyun about this either. If he told him, he would talk about it in the Upper World and get them reassigned to another area. He wouldn't let that happen until he sees Woong, he had to see him. He took a deep breath and felt his eyes misty for a moment. The angel tried to distract himself from everything by checking the products he had bought.

The cellphone came with a chip, a pair of earphones, a charger and a tiny notebook of instructions that caught his attention more than anything else. He read it very carefully to understand how the device worked. It only explained the basics: how to turn it on and off, how to put the chip inside it, how to charge the phone, the mechanics of the device and what each the buttons did. It wasn’t enough information for him to feel confident enough to try to use it, that’s why the only thing he did was to plug it to its charger and let it gain its energy as the introductions said.

He wouldn’t even try to check the earphones, that was a gift for Woong and he knew the human would understand them better than him. When he sees him, he will ask him to teach him how they can keep in contact through phones, the main reason why he got one. They could have avoided this situation if he had got one earlier. They would be together right now.

His eyes watered and the angel touched his neck for a second, feeling his own heartbeat pounding heavily, a sign that told him he was alive.

Still with heavy feelings, he attended his classes. He couldn’t concentrate at all in the lessons, the moment when he regained the conscious and stopped being on auto pilot like a car was when Donghyun talked to him when the day was over.

“So, are you coming home with me to celebrate with us your birth anniversary?”

“Birth-?” Oh, so it was today. That’s right, after Donghyun’s, it came his. “You know I don’t really care about it.”

“But still, let’s have a nice afternoon at least. We can eat whatever edible you want, and my progenitors would be happy to be with you.”

He really, really, didn’t feel like celebrating anything. His birth anniversary meant nothing to him. No one really care about it except for Donghyun and his family, they always try to lift his mood each cycle but this time, it felt quite impossible. His mind was thinking in other things, he still had to go to Woong’s house and check if he had an answer this time.

“I know you are stressing yourself about the upcoming exams but it’s good to take a pause from time to time.”

He looked at his friend and remembered he almost died the day before, if his luck wasn’t on his side, he wouldn’t have been able to reach his birth anniversary like this. He agreed with a knot in his throat. “Okay, let’s go together.”

“Yeah, you will see It’s better to- “

“Donghyun.” Their professor interrupted him. “The director is looking for you.”

“Oh, okay. Go ahead, Youngmin, I’ll go when I’m finished.”

Before going to Donghyun’s house, Youngmin passed by his own to leave his notes. He gave a glance to the charging phone and decided to take it with him in the same bag he bought them. He also took the little box of the earphones. He wouldn’t let his hope die, maybe he could have enough luck and come across Woong by walking on the street that day. Who knows?

The angel headed to his friend’s house and entered, announcing himself on the hall. Hyejoo welcomed him with a smile and congratulated him because of his birth anniversary. They sat down together on the kitchen table and the older angel explained that Daein wasn’t there because he was assigned to another case. Youngmin nodded and let the angel lead the conversation, he only answered with monosyllables or generic answers since he felt a little bit uncomfortable. Not because he felt strange around Hyejoo but because he felt guilty for wanting to not be there. He should just cross the street, walk two blocks and go to Woong’s house.

“Oh, what a disgrace.” Hyejoo exclaimed softly at seeing the television. Youngmin focused on the screen to understand her reaction. “There is been a lot of bad news lately.”

On the TV, they were explaining that there had been a murder the night before, and Youngmin felt his throat dry. He recognized the streets that were being shown. The crime happened in their area, actually, really close from there, really close from Woong’s building. The police were investigating the death of a young male and were asking for witnesses to try to find a culprit.

A thought crossed his mind and he felt real fear. It probably has been the work of the demons but his troubling feeling wasn’t because that. His mind kept reminding him that he hasn’t seen Woong in days, the same days where the demonic activity started to emerge. He really didn’t want to put those two points together but his head was blurred by worry.

What if. Only, what if…

It couldn’t be.

“Sorry, Hyejoo, tell Donghyun I’ll spend my day studying.” He jumped on his feet and told her quickly. He didn’t let her answer, already heading outside.

He ran the meters that separated Donghyun’s house from Woong’s. A police car passed, moving towards the same direction and Youngmin felt his heart drop. He ran faster towards the flat number 82. He knocked on the door again, like a déjà vu. He waited and waited, and he felt disconnected from his body. It was the sadness and the death of his hopes.

The thought of trying to ask for more information to the police about the victim was making him feel nausea. If his suspicions were right, he wouldn't be able to take it. He preferred to think that Woong has moved on, that he hated him so much that he changed his domicile and disappeared from that town.

 _This is how it ends._ He sighed in defeat.

He should head back to Donghyun’s house and continue his life, there was no way to fix this problem. He accidentally dropped his bag once and grabbed it from the ground. He felt pitiful: he was standing in front of a closed door when he should be dealing with his own problems like the upcoming exams or the fact he had to find the real meaning to his existence as an angel just because he mindlessly had thought for a second that the meaning of existing was to make a blonde human smile.

He glanced the bag, there was no use he could give the objects in it without Woong, maybe he should gift them randomly to the first person he sees in the street. He slowly left the building and stared to his feet. That was the point where he had to give up on the only thing he had never thought of letting go. He wished that, at least, he could have finish things in a better way, that he could have got the opportunity to say goodbye properly.

In that moment, he noticed someone passing next to him, someone he recognized. That big back and fierce walking, he couldn't be wrong. It was Woojin. Youngmin moved without thinking, holding him by the arm. The other quickly shoved his hold away and turned around with an angry expression.

“Woojin!”

“Oh? You?” He asked with surprise and gave him a look from heads to toe as if he was some stranger. The green haired boy wasn’t happy to see him. “So, you are actually brave enough to talk to me?”

The angel ignored his acid tone and continued speaking with only one thing in his mind. “Where is Woong?”

“Why would I tell you?”

The other kept looking at him with unfriendly eyes and Youngmin knew it was a crazy idea to approach the human when they never felt in good terms for some unknown reason but he had to. His hope was suddenly resurrecting inside of him. If Woojin was there, it was probably Woong was there too or that at least he knew where he was.

“I have been looking for him but I can’t find him.”

Woojin took some moments to reply. He blinked a few times and said: “If he said it was over, it is over. Stop bothering him.”

That didn’t make any sense. Youngmin was quite confused at his words.

“What?”

“Just leave, don’t be annoying.” He was about to turn around and leave but the angel stepped forward to get his attention back. It wasn’t time for a misunderstanding. He really needed to see Woong.

“Woojin, we haven’t talked yet. He never said that.”

The green haired boy looked surprised for a second, then confused when furrowed his eyebrows. After some minutes of silence in which he thought deeply what to answer, he decided to answer. “He is in the flat right now.” Woojin turned around and walked away.

The last words that he mumbled resounded a little bit inside Youngmin: “I hope he breaks your heart soon.” Yet his mind didn't want to focus on them, too thrilled to finally know that Woong was there, that he could see him.

He ran back inside the building and, because he was too excited to wait for the elevator, he took the stairs up. All his stress and accumulated worries dissipated in the second that he knew Woong was there. His whole body kept moving forward with the sudden rush of energy and sparkling relief he felt. Nothing else was in his mind. Only Woong, Woong, Woong.

The golden numbers 8 and 2 greeted him once again, and he knocked hard, with all the building up anticipation making his fists tremble. Even so, the door didn't open. He insisted and called in the door again with more insistence. If he really was inside as the other told him then he might be just ignoring him. He would not take another rejection, not again.

“Woong, please, open.” He shouted with his face glued to the doorway. He was in the flat, why he wasn’t answering? “Woong, I need to see you.”

His begging lost force and his voice got smaller at the end. This torture was consuming him. Youngmin was about to believe Woojin just had played with him but then, the door opened.

“Youngmin?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter was supposed to be like rlly angsty idk if it comes off like that.  
> basically it's me making youngmin suffer. im so mean.  
> welllllll... i'll go back to fight my writer block.   
> i hope i can make it on time for next week.  
> see y'all <3


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so sorry for dissappearing like that... srsly... the last days i have been dealing with a very unstable connection that didn't allow me to update for some reason. im rlly sorry. ok ill stop now just enjoy the chapter.

It was him. It was Woong who had opened the door and now was looking at him with a surprised face. He was wearing a long cardigan and what it looked to be pajama pants, his hair was messy, his golden locks intertwined on his forehead. It made Youngmin lost his voice, suddenly, all the words that he wanted to say were left hanging on his mouth. He couldn’t believe how hard his heart clenched at seeing Woong after so long. He loved him so much, each day without him had felt way too long for him.

The human also was too shocked to speak and they looked at each other for some seconds, Woong from the doorstep and Youngmin from the corridor. He remembered he couldn’t waste this opportunity, so even if it the knot on his throat really hurt, he forced himself to speak.

“I’m sorry. I’m truly sorry. I haven’t acted well and I’ve been dying to apologize to you. I- “

“Don’t come with excuses.” He interrupted him and turned his head to a side, he looked offended. The gesture caught him off guard and Youngmin tears started to flow without his permission.

Woong looked back at him alarmed when he heard the angel’s hard sniff. “Are you crying!?”

“It really hurt to not be able to see you for so long. I’ve been searching for you like crazy. I came here every day, knocked on your door, and felt so bad every time. I know you are mad at me but please allow me explain myself.”

He coughed after speaking. It was hard to talk when his throat kept closing and his tears really itched on the skin of his cheeks. Crying was something he had been able to do so easily lately and he wasn’t happy about it. He could feel the eyes of Woong on him and he felt ashamed because he probably looked like a mess in front of him. This wasn’t what he had been expecting for their encounter to be like. He felt a tug and an embrace, Woong had wrapped his arms around him so softly. Youngmin felt himself sighing, the breath he felt stuck on his lungs finally being released.

He laid his head over Woong small shoulder and closed his eyes. The stupid fear of Woong never talking to him again that had been haunting him was nowhere to be found. In Woong’s arms, he felt the hope and the love that had been fueling him with enough energy to go through the latest hard days.

“I can’t even act mad at you.” Woong whispered, snorting softly. “Please don’t cry. Let’s just sit down and talk.”

The older wiped his face quickly and licked his dry lips before stepping in Woong’s department. Woong offered him some water and they sat down in the high seats of the counter table of the kitchen. Now that he had calmed down, Youngmin was starting to feel very nervous. He had to think very well his words now, Woong might have not closed the door on his face but the somber look he had on his face told him he wasn’t that happy either. He had to gain back his smile.

“That day was really difficult for me. I suddenly had dragged to a meeting with my family and I couldn’t leave to see you. After that, I kept coming here. I also searched on the coffee shop, the park, the streets, the market, everywhere. I even went to the studio I thought you worked in.”

“You went… where?”

“There is a studio around the park. You never told me where your workplace was, so I just asked people for a studio in the area. But they said you weren’t working there? Is it true?”

“No. Well… yes. Kind of.” He kept correcting himself nervously. That looked weird. “What I mean is that I used to work there but I had quit recently. What you are seeing now is the sight of an unemployed guy.”

“All those times I knocked on your door, where were you?”

“Probably here? But I’m all the time in my bedroom, listening to music, maybe I didn’t hear you? You know these days… I’ve been sulking. I thought you just didn’t want to know nothing more about me, that it was over. So… I kind of isolated myself.”

“And I thought you were avoiding me because you hated me.”

“We are dumb, aren’t we?”

He reached for his hand and they both giggled awkwardly at each other, it looked like they both have let their worried take them over and act weird. Youngmin felt like a weight had been lifted of his shoulders. The crazy moments he had went through were all worthy if he could hold Woong’s hand and see him smile once again. Youngmin smiled back, his eyes slightly closing by the pushing of his cheeks. That moment had a calming feeling, like his sadness had only been a dream, every hurting feeling was so forgotten that it was hard to recall what it was to feel bad now that he had the attention of Woong’s eyes. The other pinched his cheek.

“Yes, keep smiling, and don’t you ever cry in front of me again.”

“I can’t cry if I’m with you.” Youngmin answered while slightly brushing Woong’s hand.

Woong hid his face with his arms but he was unable to hide his big smile. The angel suddenly remembered the bag that had left to a side.

“Oh, that’s right. You know, I kept thinking that this situation could have been avoided if I could have told you in the moment that I was not going to appear, so I bought a cellphone.” He took of it off the bag.

“You bought a cellphone to talk with me?”

“And a gift for you.” He left the case of the earphones on the counter.

“You bought me a pair of earphones!?”

“Aren’t you happy?”

“I am. I’m just- How much did you spend?”

“It doesn’t matter. Could you show me how to use it to contact you?”

The other clapped his hands and held them together, his excitement showing through his body posture. Woong took the cellphone and turned it on easily, then he touched the screen a couple of times until he showed him that he had configured the time, ubication and language of the device. He continued and, after a couple of fast paced moves of his fingertips, his number was saved in his cellphone.

Youngmin was a little bit shy to ask on basic instructions on how to actually contact him but no matter how big his embarrassment could be, he wouldn't be prevented from doing so. Woong joked saying he was sounding way too much like an old person, a comment that the angel defended himself from with the excuse that he wasn’t familiar with the model. Woong only laughed at him and he started his explaining.

Even if he was having fun, he actually took his time to make sure he had understood. It was adorable to think that the other wanted him to contact him as much as he did. Sometimes, it was hard to focus on his soft talking because his cute lips, veiny hands and sloppy hairstyle that were too attractive to not stare at. He carefully showed him the steps to text and call, making his own cellphone in his pocket sound at the interactions.

The human gave him back the device while he moved to his gift. Youngmin looked down at the phone on his hand and saw the contact profile of Woong, the other had added himself as “Woongie” and, next to his name, there was the little drawing of a heart. A smile appeared on his face at the detail and he tried to go throught the device’s menu just to see if he remembered well how to use it to text and call. There were many other tools that he had no idea what they were for nor he had any curiosity in them, they didn’t look that necessary to him.

His attention went back to the other, Woong had configured the earphones to his own cellphone and now was listening to something with them in his ears. Then, he scrunched his nose, with a tiny smile, that told him he was happy. And if he was happy, Youngmin was happy.

“Thank you.” He said. “They sound so good. Listen.”

He passed him an earphone and started listening to the same music as the other, a piano was sounding with another couple of instruments he couldn’t tell apart. Indeed, it sounded good.

“I saw them and thought of you. I saw you struggling with the wires last time and I thought these would come in handy.” Youngmin draw some circles on the surface with a finger, the motion being unconscious from feeling so nervous about opening himself like that. Was it weird he compulsively bought them with that mindset? What if Woong just liked his own wired earphones and he just was accepting the gift out of modesty?

“Wow.”

The other just exclaimed and Youngming felt too doubtful to look at his expression. Unexpectedly, Woong held his chin and made him face him. He quickly stole him a kiss, a peck that was so quick and imprecise that he almost missed his mouth completely, his lips pressed against his upper lip and part of his nose. And he laughed, because Woong always finds things funny enough to laugh without much troubles. And he loved that, because it made him laugh carefreely too.

“Thank you, really. To you to notice such a detail like that… Oh man, you just bought me.”

“I bought you?” Youngmin felt lost at the expression, was it good or bad?

“Your face looks so funny!”

His ringing laughter filled the place and Youngmin did not care how he looked if it could make the other explode in giggles. Woong’s smile, Woong’s laugh, Woong’s pretty hands covering his face every time he was too happy, all those little details could never go unnoticed by him. It hit him that Woong was there with him and that was the main reason why his heart felt so light with hope.

Whatever they will face, they can go through it, Youngmin was ready to fight everything that threatens to take the human away from him, no matter if it was the whole Upper World, the Light and his own nature. Realizing how painful it was to be without him made him think that he was ready to maintain the promise to always be together because this lovely feeling couldn’t mean something wrong. Loving Woong would never feel wrong.

“This is my happiest birthday.” The angel confessed and gained the surprised reaction of him.

“Today is your birthday? Are you kidding? Why you haven’t told me before? Why aren’t you with your family?”

“I could only think of you.”

Woong bit his lip and repressed a smile, Youngmin wished he didn’t. Then, the human told him to wait him there and left in a rush towards the bedrooms. When he was back, he had changed to a dark blue turtle neck and jeans, his hair carefully falling on his forehead. “It can’t be your birthday and being me the only one who receives a gift. Let’s go, I will show you something you will like.”

The angel also realized he missed these sudden adventurous where he would take him to new places and find new things to explore and see of the world. Youngmin jumped happily from his seat and accepted Woong’s hand to step outside the flat. Everything felt back to the right place, this how his afternoons should go, with Woong next to him. Like before, he was too distracted by the blonde boy to focus on the new path they were taking. It just seemed surreal to be this lucky, to have him hold his hand again, to see him again.

His eyes only focused what he had in front of him when the other told him they have arrived, he looked and read the sign of the building, “library”. Youngmin jaw dropped in a happy expression, his eyes shining when he turned to Woong. The blonde just laughed at his reaction. He was really excited to see how a human library would look like, what kind of books they had and overall the valuable information and works he could find inside. He was touched by the gesture of the other for taking him there.

There weren’t many people inside, just a few random students focused on their books and a couple of adult people on the computers of the place, along with the working staff that were passing between the shelves and ordering the books. Youngmin felt like a little kid in a toy shop, he was so excited to start searching for something to read, slightly overwhelmed by all the options in each section. He almost ran towards the mazes of human writing, yet he looked at his side to Woong with a pledging face, he had a shy smile on. Woong only laughed and released his hand.

“Take your time. I think this place closes at 9?”

“You will not try to search something to read?”

“Reading is not really my thing. I will be over there in the sofas.” He confessed with a nervous tone.

“I will be back soon.”

Youngmin said and left quickly. He really didn’t know what to expect or what to look for, his eyes wandering around each corner of each shelve. There were so many colors and sizes and interesting titles that kept calling his attention. Humanity was so creating, their minds always worked in ways he can’t comprehend, so he couldn’t wait to put his hands on a book. He walked through each aisle, going through the sections of history, philosophy and many more, of course, this library wasn’t as big as the Main Library.

That only place was a similar to this one yet they felt very unalike. There were many differences. One of them was the warm feeling the ambient gave, totally unique, the contrary of the intimidating and cold vibes he received from the other library. There weren’t other angels that looked him weirdly for walking his way through the impersonal codexes.

Literature, and even technical books there, felt different too. He grabbed a couple of books and read the first page and they all had the feeling that the writer put their personal mark in them, each book was a work of someone, the words and the writing was just an expansion of each human.

That was really touching and made it even more difficult to choose some a few of them to read them in the spot. Youngmin wasn’t sure if he could borrow them, he didn’t have an ID for the human world since angels only worked in the shadows of society, they didn’t need to be going around with papers or personal belongings.

In the end, he decided for three small books: one was about photography of different places of the world, it was very thick and heavy. He was curious to see other places of the human world. The second one he took was from the psychology section, he had read many about that topic already but never one written from a human’s perspective, he wondered how they would perceive and analyze themselves. The last one was a really thin little book of poetry that called his attention by the very beautiful violet cover that showed the shadow of a flower on bloom. Poetry was an unexplored genre for him, he knew it could be very difficult to understand, it was like abstract text that broke all the things he had learn from reading, every structure was defined by the beautiful words gathered together to expose different unexplained feelings. He couldn’t wait to sit down and read.

He went back to the open space of desks and sofas. Woong was with his cellphone, apparently, playing a game by the way he kept moving on his seat. He looked up when Youngmin sat next to him in the comfy couch. He looked at the books Youngmin left on the small surface in front of them.

“Woah, you got a lot to read.”

“I’m sorry.”

“No, dummy, it’s okay. It’s your birthday, you should enjoy it the way you want. Maybe I should get something to read too?”

He stood up and got close to the closest bookshelf, some meters in front of the resting area where Youngmin was. He looked at him for some time, his eyes following his steps. He saw him titling his head in an exaggerated way to a side to read the titles on the spines of the books. Youngmin smiled to himself because he found the action really cute, then, he grabbed the book of psychology to start it.

His plan was to read the most interesting chapters, he didn’t have all the time in the world to read and study carefully. His eyes went over the pages that explained a concept called “death drive” and it caught his attention totally. Angels didn’t have one, they would never be able to feel desires in the strong way that the human mind could create. It was a little bit scary to know these needs could be destructive if the psychology failed, humans could become their own worst enemies.

The thing that author didn’t know was the fact one of the biggest factors in these unbalanced mindsets were the demons. They were known to be able to manipulate human minds in the way they wanted, leading them to dangerous situations. The more he read about the topic, the more anxious he felt. He looked for Woong in a sudden worry, because his mind was scared from what he was reading. Woong could be a victim if the demonic activity didn’t stop soon.

He found him on the same place of before, he was trying to reach a yellow book on the highest shelf and Youngmin quickly left his seat to help him. He went behind him and stretched his arm over him and took the one that his fingers were aiming at. He gave him the book and Woong just looked at him with honey eyes.

“Wow, that was so heart fluttering.” He commented with a short giggle.

But Youngmin couldn’t say the same, his mind was somewhere else. His eyes got lost in the book. There was another difference from that place and the Main Library. He stared at the highest shelf. It was on his reach. It was at a reachable distance. He just had to stretch a little bit and every kind of story, world and information would be on his hands. It was an obvious thing: the furniture couldn’t be compared at all to the enormous and ominous bookshelf of the library of the Upper World but, realizing he wasn’t different to every other reader in that world was somehow calming.

“Youngmin?” He looked at the other when he heard his name, he was brought back from his thoughts. “Is everything okay?”

 _More than okay._ The words got stuck and never left his mouth, instead, Youngmin hovered over the other and gave him a firm hug. “Thank you” was all he could say. It was curious how every time Woong could make him feel at peace, make himself forget everything he had been carrying since forever.

They went back together to the sofas. Youngmin decided to stop reading the book about psychology and moved on to the one full of photographies. Woong looked at the book he chose with a proud smile and the angel eyes curiously looked over. The title was “Where’s Wally?” and had a lot of drawings on the cover, he had no idea what it could be about so he focused on his own book for a while.

He firstly read carefully the short description of each picture and then took some seconds to stare at the big image on the page. The pictures showed many different places of different countries of the human world, it was amazing and his eyes shined at every landscape that was displayed in front of him. He started to daydream, imagining what it would be like to go to each place instead of looking them in a bidimensional paper.

The human world could be very breathtaking thanks to nature, it was like a big piece of fine artwork that would not let him stop staring. So different from the world he knows, so simple and plain. So many amazing places this world had to offer, it was a shame that many of them would stop existing if humanity doesn’t wake up and starts taking care of it properly.

Then, he wondered if his daydreaming could become true, if he actually had an opportunity to meet those exotic places that the book was showing him. Maybe he could even go with Woong, just travelling around the globe, like the way he was showing him these new tiny places, could he also show him all these different countries? His eyes went to the other. Woong was really focused on his book, his eyes scanning the pages in circles, well, that was weird.

His mind told him to stop fantasying, that he shouldn’t be making up all these illusions when they were impossible to become true in the reality. It was harsh but he woke up himself from it. He couldn’t just abandon the Upper World and run away with Woong.

_What? I want to abandon the Upper World?_

Youngmin closed the book without finishing. It was scary. Scary to imagine that he could come up with these crazy ideas. And he wanted to ignore the fact that, yes, he liked the human world more than his own. He shook away anything related to that topic and grabbed the last book. It was a little bit disappointing that he was already on his last one. He hadn’t expected the writings to give him thoughts he couldn’t handle.

He inhaled deeply and started reading from the beginning. In each page, the words were placed in short lines, one under the other and, at first, many of these short poems didn’t make much sense to him. Until he realized he shouldn’t try to analyze them but feel them. The weird descriptions weren’t talking about the world or logics, they were talking about feelings. That’s why it was so messy. Like his own feelings.

He stretched out his hand just because he wanted to hold the other’s but Woong looked unable to pay attention outside his own reading. Youngmin thought he shouldn’t bother the other and slowly retracted his arm. Suddenly, Woong reached for his hand, without looking away from his book. And Youngmin smiled to himself.

He continued with the next poetry and he slowly read word per word.

_« In fact, I have no logical arguments,_

_not even improvised ones_

_to base this love that I feel for you,_

_that emerged mysteriously out of nowhere,_

_that has not magically solved anything,_

_and that miraculously, little by little, with little and nothing_

_It has improved the worst of me._

_I love you,_

_I love you with a body that doesn't think,_

_With a heart that does not reason,_

_With a head that does not coordinate. »_

It caught his breathe. This one didn’t have complicated metaphors that would take him minutes to decipher, it was pure and raw. It was clear and it made his heart flutter. The poetry was literally just describing how it felt to hold Woong’s hand, how it was to think about him, what it felt to be by the side of Woong. This author said it simply, without any rodeos, straight forwardly.

He squeezed slightly the boy’s hand and he looked at him.

“I love you.” Youngmin said to him.

Woong only looked back at him with an empty expression that didn't tell him much about how he felt about his sudden love confession. The doubts about if he hadn't pushed it too far started to appear when an instant reply didn’t happen.

He wanted to be clear like the poem, he wanted to show him his true feelings: he loved him and he was sure of that so he just thought he should show it too. He knew that what he did couldn't be undone, “I love you” were strong words, like a spell. His fingers were slightly trembling after he pronounced those words as if it took him all of his energy and strength to say it aloud. It was a big step he had to take to make it clear that when he said he wanted to be with him forever, he wasn't lying.

Woong face lighted up in a soft shade of pink and he pressed his lips in a firm line. The human covered his face with the big yellow book and squealed, making Youngmin and everyone present in that library flinch in their spots. The other humans shushed at them in a funny synchronization and the angel bowed to them to apologize for the behavior of the other. He glanced again to Woong who was still hiding behind the yellow wall, what was that reaction?

The blonde lowered the book just by a tiny bit and showed his eyes, his eyebrows were trembling. “Are you-? You? Me? Like, actually you-?”

“Yes.” He wasn't sure which one of the questions he answered but that was his reply to all of them. “Can you drop the book now?”

“No. Never. Now I live in here, inside this book.” He said while he brought his knees up to his chest and made himself tiny behind it.

Youngmin only smiled at his reaction. If he was acting this way, it meant he was embarrassed, right? That means he was flattered, doesn't it? He tried to think positively. Youngmin was trying to convince himself that even if Woong didn’t reply, he could be happy by the simple fact he took his words seriously. An answer would come with the time. Youngmin took the books he had in front and left to put them back in the placed he found them.

“Youngmin, wait!” Woong went behind him and the angel couldn't help but giggle to himself. He knew the other would follow him.

“Oh, I see you are not living in the book anymore.”

“Don't tease me.” He pouted. “By the way, you don’t need to put back the books. Just leave them in the desk and the people of here will put them back.”

“It's okay, I remember well where they were.”

As he had said, he put the books back, one by one, remembering in which shelve they belonged to and which were other books they were in between before he took them. Woong only followed and stared at him in silence, he was probably still thinking about Youngmin’s words. Before he put the violet book in his place, he looked at it with longing eyes. If he could, he would take it home with him, to finish and read all the other poems that were hiding behind the poem that made him realize love was a confusing but beautiful thing.

“Hm? What happened?”

“I wish I could borrow this book but I forgot my ID in my house.” He lied.

“Oh, same, I don't have it with me right now.”

Youngmin put the book back and his eyes were caught by the spine of another book in the following section. It was thick and dark, it almost reminded him of the old codexes he could see in the Main Library. He grabbed it without reading its title just to look at the cover and see how it looked like. It was a surprise to see the word “demons" in golden letters. Just because, he opened to glance a few pages to check if the book really was about the demons he knew or it was just another metaphor. It was curious to see that the book proclaimed itself as “a guide to understand the cursed identities that haunted the world”, almost funny when he saw that the descriptions and the drawings inside were nothing alike like the real demons. They weren't really weird looking beasts that were thirsty for blood, blinded by their instincts, they actually were really intelligent and the most human looking creatures.

“What's that? Demons? You believe demons exists?”

“Yes.” He answered in a tone that came up so serious that it didn’t really fit with the other’s good mood. He accidentally had made the other stop smiling by his sharp affirmation. He quickly tried to change the mood by asking curiously. “What about you?”

“I'm… not someone really religious or superstitious for that kind of stuff.”

Youngmin decided to leave the book back to its place and stop talking about it, he noticed it was on the “esotericism" section. That sounded wrong. Or even the way Woong associated the outer natures with religion sounded strange. They had nothing to do with them. It was true human religions can open the possibilities to them yet, they never got the real idea of how the reality worked.

Humanity can feel it, the existence of something unknown to them in other spaces, but it wasn't unreachable or just metaphors. They were real. Demons and angels are part of it in a special way, their three worlds constantly interacting in ways they couldn't imagine. It seemed like Woong was the type of human who wasn't interested in the possibilities of the supernatural. He probably has no idea that the hand he is holding belonged to an angel. It was better this way.

They left together the place and walked slowly to Woong's house. Youngmin suddenly felt very tired, after the rollercoaster that this day was, he just wanted to enjoy some time alone to calm down his heart. When they reached his house, Woong turned around and looked at him with shy eyes.

“Do you wanna stay over? I mean, it's late.” Youngmin felt his heart beating against his chest loudly. “We don't have to do anything, I just- I really missed you and I don't want to say goodbye yet.”

It was tempting. He contemplated it. He could remember that peaceful moment again, both laying down and letting their heart beat get on sync. It would energize him. Also, he hasn't noticed how dark it was outside until Woong pointed out the time. The demons would be more active than ever and going back to his house right now could be dangerous.

On the other side, he realized if he accepts, Woong would probably cling to him like last time. He would have to be there all night, watching Woong sleep the night away with his little body against him. That was even more dangerous that running the streets back to his house.

“I have classes early in the morning tomorrow.”

“Oh, it's fine. Just, be careful on your way back, okay?”

Hearing those words for the first time was heart touching. They meant he cared for him. Love could also be showed through those little actions too and that made him feel warm inside. The angel hugged him tightly and Woong welcomed it with a happy humming. These moments were the ones that always made him look forward to the next time they would encounter. Woong searched for his face between his arms and pecked him on the chin. Youngmin found it adorable and felt his face hot, his mouth twisting in a weird position from repressing a smile.

“Text me when you reach home.”

The older smiled enthusiastically when he remembered he now had the little device to make their lives easier. “I will, Woong.”

They said goodbye and Youngmin went back to his house in a fast pace, without looking anywhere to not call the attention. The first he did when he reached was to take his cellphone out and sit down to text the other. Meticulously, he pressed the icons that Woong have shown him to start writing a new message to him. It took him some minutes to find the right letters in the virtual alphabet on the screen. He had to delete a few times because of the many times his finger accidentally grazed over the wrong letter. Finally, he pressed send.

“I am home.”

Woong answered quickly, almost instantly.

The text said: “Good! I am so proud you remembered how to text me. Now I'll be able to sleep peacefully.” along with the letters l, m, a, o and a couple of heart icons.

“What’s leh-mah-oh?” He caught himself saying aloud.

Then, his cellphone ringed again and he looked at the new message: _“_ Goodnight. I love you too, Youngmin.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaaaa finally posted im relieved... this chapter is sooo adorable   
> i had to translate that poem from spanish by myself since there wasnt any official english version for it, i hope it makes sense?  
> and, don't worry, if i ever dissappear ill always try to say it beforehand.  
> see u next week<3


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> woah we reached chapter ten, we made it so far! idk why it makes me so happy.

Youngmin cheeks were stiff after smiling for so long, it actually hurt, but trying to repress the gesture was even more painful. He massaged his face and tried to focus on classes, he had no idea what the professor was talking at that point. His mind was somewhere else, it was in the last text he had read that filled his mind completely and didn't let him pay attention to anything else. He didn't even remember well how he managed to get ready, leave his house, meet Donghyun halfway and get to the lecture in time.

Written words can also shake one's core. Like that poem that made his heart flutter. It was surprising that he could feel the same nervousness that Woong gave him when he was around through a text. He was with him even when he wasn’t there. He really wanted to text him when he reached home.

“Youngmin.” The professor called him and all the attention of the classroom fell on him. This couldn't be good. “Would you explain with your own words what I just have said?”

How to answer to that when he didn't even know what the topic of the class was?

He looked around and saw the eyes of the other students on him, it felt really scary. He bit his lips and tried to recall anything from the lesson of that day. Did they talk about human life endangering situations? Or counselling? What subject was even this? He glanced at Donghyun in a desperate way to ask for help, yet the other couldn't understand what the signal meant and only stared him back with a confused expression, then a disappointed one when he noticed his friend was lost. The professor cleared his throat and Youngmin bit his lip.

The older angel shook his head. “Angels, please always pay attention in your lessons.”

Well, that was embarrassing.

The class continued but Youngmin felt himself sink in his seat, trying to stay away from anyone's visual field. His friend face palmed at him and, after the class was over and the other angels started to leave the amphitheater like classroom, he sighed deeply.

“What was that?”

“Humiliation.”

“Youngmin, how can you be on the clouds when exams are just around the corner?”

Youngmin nagged with a long groan and hide his face. He couldn't keep so many things in his brain at the same time, it was a matter of time that he forgot about the exams.

“Take it seriously. We almost there. If we pass, we only have just a few subjects to graduate.” Donghyun reminded him. It was true, the finishing line could almost be seen already. “That's it. From today, we will start reviewing together. Let's go, to your house.”

“What?” He stood up in surprise.

“Yeah, like last time.”

“O-Okay?”

His best friend followed him to outside the classroom. This was not expected. Or was it? Them reviewing before an exam was a thing, they always did but now it was different. Donghyun would be with him all the time and he wouldn't be able to meet with Woong, at least not until his exams are over. He had to tell Woong somehow that, if he suddenly disappears, it's not because he hates him, as the poor thing thought last time. He stopped walking for a second. He just had remembered that he could tell him through his phone and his eyes lightened up at the idea. Donghyun raised an eyebrow at him and Youngmin realized the presence of the other, he couldn't use the cellphone in front of him. He had to think something. And quickly.

“Donghyun.” A student appeared from the next aisle and called for his friend. “They are calling for you from the administrative office.”

“Oh, okay.” He turned to Youngmin. “I'll see you later. This time don't disappear!”

Youngmin remembered how last time he left him hanging and giggled nervously. He wouldn't do it again, he was going to be home when he arrives. He just had to use these minutes in favor to get there before him, text Woong and then wait for him. When Donghyun left his sight, he started running towards the exist. All the students would look at him when he passed quickly through them, he was calling everyone’s attention again but this time it was for something important.

He held his ID when he passed next to the authorities, who didn't look really happy to see him sprinting towards the human world. Even after crossing the portal, he continued running. He reached his house, threw his things somewhere, and jumped on the device that was on the bedside table of his bedroom.

He went through the steps Woong taught him again: opening the menu, touching the envelope icon and clicking on his name. Now, what he should write? He started typing something but deleted it midways. Then, he repeated the same thing. He was angry at his dumb fingers for not getting any key right and, in the end, he gave up. Texting was really difficult and to do it under pressure was even more impossible. It was very difficult to type when he was feeling nervous because Donghyun was about to appear in any second. He thought on what it could go wrong if he stops seeing Woong that suddenly. Woong would probably get mad again, he would have to chase him again, apologize again and overall enjoy again the pain that going through something like that was.

There wasn't much left till his friend arrives and forces him to read until his eyes burn. Youngmin ran a hand through the strands of his hair and decided to do something out of panic: he pressed the phone icon next to Woong's name. Calling would be easier and quicker. His hands started to sweat while he waited for the other to pick up. He wondered if it wasn't too much, to call him like this out of nowhere, he could be busy or just not in the mood to answer.

After the third ringing on his ear, Woong answered. “Hello? Youngmin?”

The mechanic sound of Woong’s voice through the phone’s earphone gave him goosebumps. It was crazy how technology managed to allow humans to communicate through time and space. Even if Woong wasn't there, he could hear his soft talking tone clearly. It was a sound on the phone but knowing it was the blonde on the other side of the line made him over conscious. His mouth went dry.

“Hello?”

“Oh. Uh, hey, Woong? I'm just calling you to tell you I'm going to be busy this week. I have exams.”

“Oh, I see. I got surprised to see your call, I thought you would only text me, as I taught you.”

“Yeah, I was trying to. But my fingers were taking too long to write.”

Woong laughed at his words and Youngmin pressed the phone on his ear, trying to hear more of his contagious giggles. He started to walk in circles in his bedroom without noticing and a smile got plastered in his face.

“What were you doing?” Youngmin asked and surprised himself. The point of the call was already done, he told Woong about his exams, but he didn't want to hang up yet.

“Oh, nothing much, I was watching this show on Netflix when you called me. Enjoying the jobless life for a little bit.”

“I see.” He took a brief moment to imagine him laying down on the sofa of his house, probably with some chips like last time and maybe he was wearing something comfortable with his hair undone. The image was quickly made up in his mind thanks to the calling. This cellphone was amazing. He opened his mouth and added, without thinking previously: “Your voice sounds the same in phone too, so, I'm feeling nervous right now.”

For some minutes, the other didn’t reply and Youngmin actually put the phone away from his ear to check if the call was still going. It was.

“You always surprise me.” He finally said. “You are right. This is our first call.”

The angel giggled, then suddenly stopped and focused on his hearing since a sound caught his attention. The sound came from outside, from the door of the small gate that surrounded his house, Donghyun was coming. Youngmin panicked.

“Uh, Woong? I have to leave.”

“Oh? Okay, focus on your studies and tell me when we can meet again.”

“I will.” He heard a knock on his door and his voice trembled. “Bye."

“See you.”

If he doesn't answer the door now, he knew Donghyun would barge in in just seconds.

“Um, Youngmin?”

“Yeah?”

“Why aren't you hanging up?”

“I don't know how to. I was waiting for you to do it.”

Woong laughed again and he enjoyed those last seconds of his voice on the phone. “Okay, okay, I will do it. Bye!”

The call ended at the same time that Donghyun opened the door of his house, his heart raced and he looked to both sides to search for a good place to hide the device.

“Youngmin?” Donghyun said aloud.

In the end, his head didn't have any other idea that just putting it under the pillow of his bed. He unplugged the charger and threw it under the bed too. All done in the previous seconds before Donghyun’s head popped up from the doorstep of the room.

“What are you doing here? Let's start with the texts.”

“Yeah. Let's study.”

They both sat down on the table and Donghyun spread out the many papers he had brought with him. Youngmin didn't realize how much he has been procrastinating his readings, now he had to put all the information in his head in just some days. Maybe accepting studying together wasn't a bad idea.

Even if at first his studies didn't look like having much future at first and, he knew he probably would never be a full useful guardian angel, majoring turned out to be one of his objectives when Daehwi made him realize that it would be the best way to stay in the human world. He just needed to hide his flaws and study hard, he would show everyone he can do it. He also wanted to show himself that he could be an angel, study and love a human without problems.

In that moment, a weird muffled sound was heard. Both angels looked up from the papers and stared at each other. Youngmin tried to not let the panic paint on his face, he knew what was that sound: a notification from his cellphone.

“What's that?”

“What's what?”

“It was like… a bubble?”

Another notification sounded and Youngmin forced a cough to hide it. He forgot the cellphone could do sounds too. This was bad.

“I… heard it again?”

“I don’t know what are you talking about.”

 _Woong please don't text me right now. Not now._ He tried to tell the other with his mind. It was crazy that he could wish something like that but it wasn't the right moment.

“I swear I heard something.”

“Ah, it's probably from outside.” Donghyun stood up and Youngmin jumped from his seat, dragging the chair in a noisy way on purpose, to hide another muffled sound coming from his bedroom. “C'mon, Donghyun, we shouldn't let distractions get us, don't we?”

His friend seemed to accept his words because he nodded a couple of times and took a seat again, with some doubt on his face. Thankfully, his cellphone didn’t sound for the rest of the studying session and Donghyun went back to his house, the curious situation now long forgotten for him.

The angel sighed when he was alone and searched for the hidden cellphone. That apparatus was really handy to contact the human but it was also a really dangerous thing to have around, something he haven't realized before purchasing it. Remembering the information he got from reading the tiny manual of it, he clicked a couple of times on one of the buttons on the side of the phone until it vibrated. He almost jumped when it did. That should stop the volume of it.

He checked what the notifications were. Woong had sent his three messages: “Youngmin, you should really check this series I'm watching it is called _Locked up_ ”, “We should watch it together next time” and “Oh, right, you might be studying right now. Sorry, just do your best!” along a heart little icon next to it. He was happy, he really was, yet his face couldn't show it when he realized he had to live with this little device and Donghyun in the same place for the rest of the week. Stress was coming his way.

The following days felt as if a new part was added to his usual routine: after classes, he would come back home with his friend to review some texts and, when Donghyun left, Youngmin would check if he had any messages to answer. Sometimes he had messages, some others he didn't. And it was okay. Youngmin felt too shy to send a text first because he didn't want to look needy or annoying, he wasn't sure how much messaging was okay or not, the line was unknown for him. He stuck with only to replaying for now.

After the third study sitting, Youngmin got a text that almost made him drop the phone. Woong sent him an image, a pic of himself. In the picture, he was laying down on his bed and pouting while looking at the camera. At Youngmin. The image came with a caption that said “I miss you" and the angel decided it was enough studying for a while.

The next day, he had to literally beg to Donghyun to let him “rest" for one day. After some complains, his best friend agreed with a sigh, alleging that maybe he deserved it because he have been focusing a lot. Youngmin couldn't wait until the other angel left to grab his cellphone and text Woong to tell him they could meet. They agreed to see each other in the coffee shop, a date Youngmin owed him.

Arriving first to the coffee house was something that made him feel better. Even if Woong had already forgive him, Youngmin still had some regrets from last time. He sat down on the same table, it was a habit at this point, also, he was sure the human would choose that table too. An employee got close and asked if he was not going to order something, wondering if the man in front of him knew how the place worked and that tables were only for customers, Youngmin said he was waiting for someone first and that was enough for the human to walk away.

Youngmin checked his phone, only two minutes have passed from the hour they accorded, he shouldn't feel impatient. When he looked up from the screen, he saw the blonde standing in front of the table with a big smile.

“Should we order first?”

Youngmin followed him and they asked for the same drinks of their first date. The familiar cashier that knew them both cooed happily and told them she was happy to see them together. She winked at the angel and charged their order, a detail that didn't went unnoticed by Woong, who looked at it with an amused expression. They went back to “their" table and Woong sat next to him, instead of choosing the seat on the other side.

“It seems like my plan worked. You were so caught up in studying that I thought you would become your books.”

“Yeah, I'm trying hard. I heard the exam is more difficult than last time.”

“Look at you, trying your best, meanwhile all I do is watch movies and waste my time. I really need to get a new job instead of bothering you.”

Youngmin quickly corrected him.

“You aren't bothering me. I actually needed a break from my books.”

Woong started speaking softly while moving the straw of his drink from side to side. “You know you can text me anytime, don't you? I'm always the one starting the conversations.”

“Oh.” He didn't think Woong could feel like that way. He got an answer to all his doubts: Woong wanted him to reach out for him as much as he wanted. He didn’t need to keep wondering. Even if texting was difficult, he had to try harder. “I will try to.”

They spent some time talking while drinking as always. It was something simple they liked to share yet, at the same time, it was always something special. Youngmin tired to focus his eyes as much as he could, taking in the image of Woong’s small smile as he took the last sip of his drink. He couldn’t miss any detail. He wanted to keep it forever with him.

“Sometimes I wish I could save these times more lividly in my mind.” He found himself saying aloud. The other blinked a few times before answering.

“Well, you can. Why don’t you take some photos?”

He showed him how he could open the camera function of his cellphone and Youngmin felt excited when he saw the word reflected in the screen thanks to the lens of the camera. The angel pointed around and found it amazing that he could have a copy of what he could see, he wanted to capture everything. This happy feeling would explain why humans liked photography so much, they had the opportunity to own the reality through an image. It was mind blowing. He took a few pictures pressing the white button on the screen, taking a capture of the table, the window, the lights hanging from the ceiling and their drinks.

Then, Youngmin aimed to Woong, the human shyly covered his face with one hand while giggling. He pressed many times, capturing all the details he loved from Woong, how his eyelashes flatter when he looks away, his tiny smile that tells him he is embarrassed, the pout he does when he wants something and, in the end, Woong finally posed for him with both of his hands under his chin. But even after he got the perfect shot, he continued taking many more photos. Why he would stop? If every picture was perfect too, even if it's shaky or unfocused, Woong looked beautiful in each one.

“Stop it!” He laughed and covered the lens with a hand. “Let's take one together.”

The human said and hovered over him to press the screen. The camera stopped showing what it was in front of him to reflect him instead, like a mirror. Youngmin saw himself with a confused expression and Woong laughed at him, commenting he looked weird from that low angle. He held his arm and lifted it to show him how to aim so they could both fit in the screen together.

That was the first time Youngmin looked at them together, next to each other, and it made him feel soft inside. They looked good together like… an actual human couple. He smiled at the camera and Woong posed while showing two fingers at it. That was the only picture they took because the other quickly took his cellphone away and did something with it. Woong’s phone made a sound.

After he was done, he showed him: both of their cellphones now showed the same photography of them two. Woong told him he set them as “wallpapers", something Youngmin wasn't really sure what it meant but he guessed it was the first thing you could see when you touched the cellphone. He felt a big amount of tickles inside because of that. Every time he touched the device, it would show him and tell him that nothing that was happening was a dream. It was real: They were _something_.

They left the coffee shop earlier due Youngmin's suggestion, he used his studies as an excuse but the real reason was that he wanted to avoid the night as much as he could. He looked at the way Woong swung their hands back and forth and felt the sudden need of tell him to take care, that streets could be dangerous for humans, that he wanted him to always stay safe. He didn't tell him.

“When will I be the one to walk you home? It’s always me. Isn't it weird you know where I live but I don't?” Woong said out of nowhere.

Youngmin haven't thought of that before. It was valid of Woong to find it strange, Youngmin was unconsciously avoiding that since it was a risky thing to do. If he showed him his house, many things could go wrong, he had to plan it beforehand.

“I will show you soon. Sorry about that.”

“I'm just joking.” He tried to brush it off but something told him that it wasn't a joke at all.

There still where some meters ahead before they reached Woong's place and Youngmin asked something that made his own heart shake from the courage it took him to say it.

“Woong… What are we?”

Texting, going out together, taking pics together and kissing, there all ways to show love and interest. They have clarified that, indeed, they loved each other but there was this thing that made the angel worry. A blurry memory of the storyline of the romantic novel he read went back to him: humans always stated when they start a relationship, yet, Woong never said what kind of relationship they had. He wasn't doubting his love, he just felt insecure, he wanted to be taken more seriously. They aren't married but they vowed to be together forever, or at least, that's what he understood. How he should feel or think about them? Because saying they were friends didn't feel right.

“We just are Woong and Youngmin. Wait, you mean us, us? Lovers? Partners? Boyfriends? However you want to call it. We are something, though. So, don't let people flirt with you, like that cashier back there. I'm not interested in an open relationship."

“How can she be flirting with me if she was happy for us?” He asked and Woong didn't answer, he only lifted his shoulders in a disinterest manner. The angel found it funny Woong wasn't making any sense. Wasn't he the one who told him he didn't like jealousy? “I think her gesture was because the talk we had.”

“Which talk?”

“The day after I couldn't meet you I went to the coffee shop. I guess I hoped to see you there? Instead, that girl, Yuna, cheered me up. I asked her about you, if she had seen you.”

“Hey…” He started slowly and turned to face him. They have already reached his house but he had no hurry to get inside already, his eyes were focused on Youngmin in worry. “You need to move on from it.”

“I don't think I can. I'm still sorry for that.”

“I know how can I make you forget that.”

Woong smiled, one of the corners of his lips higher than the other. It took the angel a second to realize Woong was smirking, not simply smiling. The other reached for his face and lowered him to kiss him on the lips. Kissing Woong was constantly an experience that he couldn't get enough of, the mere soft touch of his lips made him feel like he had the powers needed to fly through the sky. But his feet were on the ground, moreover, he felt stuck on his tracks when he noticed that Woong lips haven't released his own already as usual, instead, he captured them deeply. The human titled his head and that allowed him to have more space to kiss him, stop, bite him and kiss him again. Youngmin couldn’t breathe, it was suffocating and scarily intoxicating. At first, It was difficult to understand the rhythm that was making his heart race more and more quick each second, however, he enjoyed it. They were in synch, mouth to mouth, breathing to breathing. He felt his head dizzy. Because he was so in love, his mind was breaking from one kiss.

And then, Donghyun snapped his fingers in front of his face.

He was brought back to where he was: in front of the many old books that were waiting for him to remember all the topics from the Upper World that they explained. It was so easy to get distracted and live again inside his mind to taste once again Woong's lips and feel the way they moved against his own.

“You are on the clouds again!” Donghyun exclaimed and rolled his eyes. Youngmin giggled nervously. “I shouldn't have given you any break.”

“I will focus now” was what he had said without knowing fully if he would be able to do so. He looked at the notes in front of him and read a couple of lines. If he could eat all the papers to process the information in them, he would.

Yes, he was still extremely content that Woong told him they were in a special relationship, yet he knew he had to focus. If he wants to live in this world, he had to work hard for it. There wasn't any space for mistakes, he had to aim for the perfect score or suffer the consequences of failing and getting kicked out of the only major that would allow him to live by the side of a human. He read a few more and he furrowed his eyebrows when the text started on another topic: the ranks of the demons.

“Wait, demonology will be included in this exam?”

“Yeah, why?”

“Nothing. I wasn't expecting it.” He confessed.

He could understand the basic information of the demons, the problem was that he could remember vividly how it felt to fear for his life by being in the hands of one of those creatures. Reading these topics felt different after those incidents that he could not tell anyone. He glanced at Donghyun who was focused on a thick book. He hoped his friend took care too, he knew he was stronger than him, more agile too but his worries wouldn't let him see the difference between them. In a future, he hoped he could finish his major and move to another place, with Woong, somewhere were the demons weren't surrounding them. That was something impossible. It was one of the many risks of living in the human world.

They continued studying for some more minutes in silence until his friend talked without looking away from his own reading.

“Let's do well, Youngmin.”

“Why do you worry? I always do well in exams.”

“But this time-“

“They will test physical exercises obligatorily?” Youngmin asked with a tilt of his head, he was very surprised to see the other having that knowledge. It was something that students weren't supposed to know. “Who told you?”

“Since I became the top student… more information come to my ears. A lot more.”

Donghyun voice tone made it clear he didn't like to admit the differences that he had from his new position. _Coming to think about it, Donghyun has been really busy at the institute,_ was his thought when he recalled the times he saw him leaving to the offices and the way he seemed to spend more time there than before. He wasn't sure how to feel about it. Donghyun was a connection that went straight to the authorities of the institute, to the Organization.

Dangerous for him or not, it was his best friend. He tried to keep that on his mind. He shouldn't be judgmental, Donghyun was helping him so much, he always had helped him, he had to be thankful. They were best friends, nothing else mattered.

He went back to the papers on front of him and tried to focus to remember each rank of the demons. There were high, medium and low rank demons and that determined their ability, powers and dangerousness. As higher the rank, higher the risks they were, only warrior angels could take those down with the battle skills they have trained their whole existences. The ability to identify a demon's power was something innate for angels, the powers the Light gave them allowed them to know instantly the moment they see one for long enough. The only problem was that high rank demons, know how to hide themselves better, it took long time and that was the main danger.

Youngmin felt a shiver, he wondered what rank the demons he saw where, low? High? How dangerous it was? Did it make any difference to know when he couldn’t defend himself in front of any of them? He tossed the papers away and continued with another text, he would study demonology later, when his heart calms down.

The following studying days passed in a blink somehow, all his life spent on reviewing and making sure not any detail went unnoticed on his readings. His objective was hard but not impossible. And with that mindset, he stepped into the portal the day of the exam. The institute looked quieter than usual, the nerves of every student could be felt in the air, it was heavy tense vibe. He took a place in the long line that was on a side of the main hall of the whole studies center. He hadn’t seen Donghyun anywhere and the line started to move, he wishes he was there to feel calmer. 

Student per student, they were entering and leaving after a long period of time. He felt his hands tremble and told himself to stay calm, he has studied his whole life for this, he knew by heart every manual and book they gave him. He always had to know better than the others. This should be easy for him. He was the next on to enter and then, next to the entrance to the classroom, he saw Donghyun who gave him thumbs up with a bright gummy smile. He took a deep breath and entered the room where the authorities of institute, his professors and one member the Higher Order were.

His eyes layered on the special angel, it was the only one who had a bright glowing aura around its bodies, the limits of it looked blurry because the materia that created their physical existence was unstable. The angels of the Higher Order were almost pure energy. Nothing like his own existence. It was really intimidating to be there, under the look of it and all the other angels.

The exam initated and the director started to the usual protocol where he spoke about how it will go, how he will be judged and what are the different results that can come up depending on his. Then the pedidos started coming.

“Show us the quickest healing maneuver.”

An awkward air filled the room and his professors lowered their heads, he knew they felt sorry for him and Youngmin hated it. This was something he saw coming. He put his hands in the air and answered calmly. “I can't heal. I don't have powers. Everyone present here knows that.”

At the silence they made, he sighed and put his hands in front of him, imagining there was someone injured underneath them. It was good there wasn't anyone there who needed or they would have been in a big danger because nothing happened. His hands didn't show anything, they didn't do nothing, they couldn't heal.

The angels in front of him shared a few whispers and then, the director said allow: “Show your combat skills. White style.”

“I can't create brightness in my hands.”

“I said: show us.”

It was embarrassing he had to actually try to show fight moves in front of them. As if he hadn't tried it unaccountable times in his existence, specially when he was younger and he couldn't accept his lack of powers. The examiners didn't let him skip one exercise and forced him to entertain them with his failed attempts. That's what it felt like, he was a clown and they were the audience that enjoyed every time he couldn't do it right. It was devastating and he almost lost his composure, but then the questions started. And he knew each of them. He answered without doubts, even remembering the pages of the books the answers were. It made him confident and he didn't miss not even one, the angels were very surprised. It went so well, he had no doubt he would get that perfect score that allows him to continue the major.

Until the angel of the Higher Order talked for the first time: “One last thing. Explain with your words how does it feel to encounter a demon.”

All the eyes went first to the angel because of its question, then back to Youngmin. He couldn't believe that that angel was making a low move like that, it made him turn his hands into fists. That was something only angel with powers would know, not him, all he felt when he saw a demon was fear but that wasn't the answer they were waiting for.

“Excuse me.” One of his professors said, Youngmin recognized him, it was the one who warned him about the exam and the one who always helped him the most. “That question is not acceptable. This is the theory module, that information isn't in our bibliography-"

“Professor, don’t interrupt us. It's totally part of the topics of the exam and it's a general knowledge. Answer, angel.”

If he failed this one, it would be over. He couldn't fail, so he answered with confidence.

“You feel cold in your forehead and fingertips. They have a distinctive smell too.”

“How can _you_ answer to that!?” The director exclaimed scandalized. The Higher Order member looked at him and the professors looked lost.

“The exam is over. Thank you.” Youngmin bowed to show his respect and walked out of the room without looking back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> let's see if we can reach the middle of this story aka the end of act 1 before uni starts and kicks my ass [sweats profusely]  
> btw the netflix series woong mentions here is rlly good, im just shamessly throwing a recommendation there  
> thanks to anyone who is reading this.  
> till the next update ^^


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> surprise! double update. i realized last chapter was kinda boring and  
> since im not going to be able to post the next chapter soon,   
> i decided to leave you guys with this one instead.

The first thing he thought when he stepped outside the classroom was Woong. All he wanted to do was to share the amount of happiness he felt from knowing he passed the exam, that there were no mistakes and he was a step closer to his dreamed future. Youngmin came across Donghyun in a corner, the other only looked at him with inquiring eyes, without saying anything. The question was obvious: “How did it go?”. Words weren't need for an answer either, Youngmin only showed him a big smile and it was enough for his friend to jump to hug him. He wasn't aware, but he wasn't the only one who was worrying about the results, he could feel the hands of Donghyun holding him really tightly on his shirt. It was a relief for everyone.

He wanted to ask the same. Their situations were totally different yet, Youngmin needed to know how it went for him too.

“Donghyun, the director is looking for you. It seems serious.” He heard a voice behind his back yet, he didn't turn to see who it was, it didn't matter. If that angel could act as if he didn't exist, not addressing him at all, he could do it too.

Donghyun took a step forward and Youngmin caught his wrist. Like before, not any word was exchanged, he copied his friend’s stare and Donghyun smiled at him. He winked at him and left. That's how they could communicate, after all the years of friendship he knows exactly what his friend told him: “Don't worry about it.”

“As expected from the top student”, he would have wanted to joke with him before he started his way but he was content with the jolly feeling that filled him from knowing they both passed and could continue studying together. Youngmin exited the Upper World and headed home.

As he planned to, he took his cellphone out of its usual hiding spot and dialed Woong. Not because he couldn’t text him, he was getting better at it with the loads of practice from their hours talking through messages, but because he wanted to hear his voice. That was something that the texts couldn't give him. He wanted to hear the tone of his voice when he tells him he passed the exam and that he couldn't wait to see him again. It's feels like a long time since the afternoon they got to hang around that was plastered on the screen of his phone.

“Seems like you are the type to call more.” Woong greeted him with a giggling tone.

“Woong! I passed the exam!”

“Babe, that's amazing!”

His answer got stuck on his throat. He could feel the warmness concentrate on his face. The nickname had made his heart jump against his chest and his body became stiff. He listened clearly yet he kept asking himself if he wasn’t hearing things. Woong called him babe, babe, babe. That was absolutely devastating for his poor heart. It was better for him he wasn’t facing him in that moment and the only one who saw his face twisting in embarrassment was the wall of his room. Every day it passes, he could find a new weakness he had inside he didn’t expect to have. Woong’s sweet voice over the phone laughing was one. And another one that no one had warned him about was nicknames. Youngmin internally wished there were more of those for him.

There was one problem about calls and texts that no one could change and that was the fact that sometimes the illusion of connecting people through the space was not enough. Hearing Woong become so happy from the news he gave him gave him the urge of seeing him. No matter how good his imagination is, it would never be able to imitate the perfection that Woong’s smile was. The angel wanted to see the proud smile of the other, the smile he gave him, the smile he had worked so hard for. The reason of his success.

“Can I meet you today?”

“Yeah, let's celebrate.” Youngmin was ready to change his clothes and meet him until he heard the change on the human’s tone of speaking. “Actually… um, I can't, I remembered I have a job interview today.”

It was fine. He can wait. “I'm wishing you all the luck.”

“Thanks. But you can come over tomorrow… if you want to… Like, we can see that series I told you. On Netflix.” It gave him a strange feeling that suddenly made him nervous. It even got worse when he added: “Woojin will not be home. Get it?”

“Oh… I'll go…”

“I will see you tomorrow then!” Back to his usual speaking sound, volume and timbre.

The ringing sound on his ear told him the call was over. Youngmin shook his head and put the cellphone away from him, and, without thinking properly, looked at it on his hand as if he could see the human that he called some minutes ago. Only to encounter the “wallpaper” of them together. He looked at them two, smiling at him back, and his eyes layered on Woong, something he has been doing constantly since they took the picture. But, for some reason, he felt uneasy inside because of the idea that had popped inside his head after the suspicious invitation he received.

It couldn’t be, could it? Why he was so nervous?

The angel plopped on his bed, his usual thinking place, or should he say overthinking place? Was he overthinking the call? Woong have never sounded like that before. He sounded insecure and awkward when he had already invited him many times, why he should be nervous?

He didn’t understand either why he has told him Woojin would not be there. Sure, it was better since their relationship was very tense, he was sure the other human hated him for some reason. Youngmin didn’t like him either, he was very rude and bold for his liking. Totally the contrary of Woong.

His mind was trying to analyze again the invitation. He said Netflix, Woojin absent, and all those words made him remember the first time he went to Woong’s house. They watched something on that Netflix thing, that animation film, and relaxed a little bit until his flat mate appeared. Maybe that could explain the clarification he got, right? He remembered that green haired human bothered Woong and made him angry, what he said? Something about Neflix? That weird name was so important for humans for some reason. He wished he could ask Daehwi about it, he was so quick to understand these things, he had a good human sense.

Meanwhile his brain kept going over and over the things. He tried to connect all the dots. He was so deep in thought he didn’t realize his extended arm was slowly losing up his hold on his cellphone and the device was slipping between his fingers.

Netflix.

_Netflix and chill._

What were Woojin’s words?

 _No fucking if I’m here_.

At the same time his cellphone hit against the floor, he felt the realization hit him with the strength of fifteen long trucks or a train or any big transportation vehicle humans have made. He quickly sat on the bed, staring blankly at his legs. He got it.

“Sex!?” Youngmin screamed scandalized.

Youngmin grabbed his face, then his head, then his hair. He tugged his own hair. That must be, there was no other way to see things now. It made sense, Woong was a human, it was totally normal for him to want that kind of thing when he was in a relationship. Because he was in a relationship, with him, with Youngmin, an angel. And sex wasn’t something for angels, they don’t do it, they don’t think about it, they don’t need it. He felt his head spinning and going at 45 kmph. He had one day to prepare himself mentally for that.

 _Prepare? Am I willing to?,_ he asked himself.

“Showing results for sex.” A mechanic woman voice was heard in the room and Youngmin jumped on his feet in a clumsy way that made him fall to the ground.

Feeling nervous and getting scared to death in so little time was something he definitely wasn’t ready for. Before he could get on his feet and start searching for the owner of the voice, he saw in front of his own nose that it was actually the phone that have talked because it was showing a function he hasn’t tried before. No one told him cellphones could talk, it was understandable he got surprised. He grabbed the phone to turn it off but all he could do was drop his jaw. A list of articles related to sex appeared along with many suggestive images of couples in minor clothes, he flipped the phone and made it face down. This was so embarrassing. Youngmin pressed his forehead against the wooden floor and laid for a few minutes, similar to a lifeless corpse in a scene crime.

Sex wasn’t a bad thing, he never gave it much importance but now that it involved him, it was making him feeling so lost. He didn’t know what to do next exactly. He already agreed to meet him tomorrow before realizing the whole implications it had. Even so, he was sure if he told Woong that he wasn’t interested on it, the understanding human would not pressure him to do nothing he didn’t want. The main problem of this all is that Youngmin wasn’t sure if he wanted it or not.

He groaned as he stood up and looked back at his cellphone’s screen to close the things that have popped up unexpectedly. He gave it one last glance and accidentally saw a picture of a couple on the bed, showing way too much skin, where the man had his hands over the body of his lover, who was hovering over him in a seductive way. He pressed the button to go back many, many times when the wild idea of him and Woong being in a similar situation appeared in his head.

The bathroom of his assigned house was a space he doesn’t use often, his body functioned way too different biologically from humans, he didn’t need a bathroom, but this time, he was there to wash his face to calm himself down. He liked the way cold water felt against the skin of his burning cheeks. The angel looked at himself in the mirror for the first time in weeks. He looked at his reflection and tried to search for an answer in his own eyes.

Sex wasn’t a bad thing, he repeated. Humans like to physically express themselves. That meant Woong was trying to show him his love, he shouldn’t be ashamed, he should be happy.

It was somehow funny that some moments ago he was so happy for his exam. Nothing alike the flustered angel he could see in the glass of the bathroom, he left that room and sat on the sofa. He couldn’t stay still and there were still many hours left until he sees Woong, he was sure that waiting was worse than the actual thing.

What would it happen at his flat? It was not like he didn’t know a thing about how a sexual intercourse worked, he had to read about it in one of the first classes of his major. Understanding basic human anatomy and behavior was important for guardian angels that had to be able to get how the human brain worked. He knows the basics of having sex, but how it worked when an angel was involved? Will he even like it?

He closed his eyes, and for a quick moment he put himself in that situation: skin against skin, his hands over Woong body, how it would look like? How it would feel like? He imagined Woong with his hair messy like the time he announced himself unexpected, with his fringe wet like the time he saw him under the rain and kissing him like the last time, when he made him realize he could drown on his mouth.

He opened his eyes in one motion. As expected, he wasn’t ready at all.

This was something he couldn’t talk with anyone at all, not even to his confident friend Daehwi, who would just overreact way worse. Also, he didn’t want to talk about something like this to his younger friend. In his eyes, Daehwi would always be that small angel with big eyes that followed him and Donghyun everywhere, no matter the reality of him being already matured and being very conscious of many different topics. It was so difficult to talk about this and he probably wouldn’t be able to say a word aloud about this. He was alone in this and that’s exactly why it was so scary.

For the first time, he decided to ignore it and move on without any plan. It had no good to be overworking his brain and think without any results. He would see what he will do in the moment.

At the next day, Youngmin focused on the class, he was trying to fill his mind with the things that kept happening around him to not fall back to the never-ending trap that his thoughts could be. He took notes carefully and asked a few questions, his professor seemed to like his sudden participation on the class. When the lectures were over, him and Donghyun spent some time in the classroom, talking about the subjects and the different topics they saw that day. His friend was really happy to explain to him the doubts he had. It was amazing that the top student was his friend.

A recurrent thought appeared: Was it okay he was helping him? The powerless angel? Something was telling him that things felt different after his best friend got the title attached to his name. All the eyes were on Donghyun and, if he kept sticking to his side, all the eyes were on him too. He could prove it when they walked through the halls to the exits, the angels did turn to see them in their way. The spotlight Donghyun had gained was somehow terrifying, and he wondered if he was dealing well with it, he remembered how worried Donghyun could feel. He glanced at him and only saw his eyes on him, he smiled friendly at him with both of his eyebrows raised. If Youngmin ruins it, does he ruin Donghyun’s life too?

They said goodbye to each other and Youngmin reprimanded himself for going deep in his thinking again, he always found a way to worry over things. That wasn’t the plan. The plan was to not have a plan. The angel changed his clothes at his house, grabbed his phone and started the familiar way to see Woong. He had no idea what it would happen but he remained calm. He had to go with the flow. No fears, no worries, there is always a solution. He could handle it.

He knocked on the door and, at the same time, sent a text to the other, just in case he was in his bedroom and couldn’t hear him. Woong appeared and gave him a welcoming hug, and Youngmin knew everything would go okay. He loved this human and they would have an amazing time no matter what they do or what they don’t do.

“I made tea this time.” Woong said while Youngmin sat down in the dark sofa. He saw the two cups in front of him and beamed at the way the other fiddled his fingers together. “Oh, I have cookies somewhere, wait!”

The human went to the kitchen and Youngmin looked over his shoulder, over the backrest of the sofa. “How did that interview go?”

He felt cozy. The situation felt too quotidian. If he ignores how reality actually was, he could imagine this happening on their future daily lives together.

“Th-The interview?” The blonde laughed nervously and kept searching around the different counters of the kitchen. “It actually went pretty good.”

He exclaimed happily with a short scream when he found the package of cookies, he took it and poured them in a plate that he later placed next to their cups of tea. Woong dropped himself next to Youngmin in a way that made Youngmin heart drop too. He was leaning and clinging into him, it was really cute. Welcoming his warm, he passed his arm confidently over his shoulders.

Woong leaned his head over his shoulder and closed his eyes for a second. “I might start working tomorrow.”

“I’m happy to hear that. Where is it? What will you be doing?”

Woong opened his eyes and looked at him with a tiny smile.

“Well, about that… I applied to this bar around the corner of this block. I will have night shifts, so my schedules might change. I might be start sleeping during the day. But I promise I will try to make some free time for you!”

Youngmin wasn’t really bothered by it, except for the fact that Woong would be working in a bar during the nights, that sounded really dangerous. It was a nightmare for him. He hadn’t seen demon activity in a while but he didn’t want for Woong to be in risk. He had a bad feeling about this.

“You are frowning so hard! You will get wrinkles!” Woong pouted while he put two of his fingers on his eyebrows. “Don’t get mad at me, please.”

“I’m not mad. It’s just... I want you to be careful. The night can be really dangerous.”

“I will, I will.”

“I’m talking seriously, Woong. You should message me every time you get home safely.”

The angel stared at him with intensity, in such a serious way that made Woong’s smile disappear. He wriggled uncomfortable at the stare and cleared his throat before speaking, putting his usual bright expression back on his face to lift the mood.

“It’s okay.” He addressed it simply and changed the topic. “Tell me about how your exam went.”

Youngmin smiled. He put his worries to a side by remembering how enthusiastic he was to be able to brag about his results. “It was really hard, but I reviewed every day with my friend for it. I know the professors wanted me to fail but I passed.”

“Why you say they wanted you to fail?”

“Uh, well… that’s what it felt like. They asked really difficult questions.”

“You are imagining things, Youngmin. No professor hates their students like that.” Youngmin knew Woong was wrong but he couldn’t tell him nor go in depth in that topic. He looked to a point in the wall and felt a little bit sad because of the barrier that was there. He wished he could share anything with Woong. “Anyways, we are here to celebrate. Let’s binge watch this series. I actually finished all the seasons but I don’t mind rewatching it, you have to check it out.”

His lover took the control remote and that familiar red word appeared over a black screen. Youngmin got comfortable and tired to not show in his face that he wasn’t really fond of the idea of watching hours of hours of a story. He was only doing it because Woong hugging him by the waist and posing his head on him was melting his heart.

The show started and, while some part of his head tried to understand what the television was showing, he also wondered where his previous fear went to. His eyes gave a quick look to Woong, who was staring attentively at the front, and he felt puzzled for a moment. Was it going to happen anything else?

Maybe he was wrong, maybe this is all they would do. Maybe he had over read the situation and it was actually just them watching the story of that girl inside jail. Nothing felt weird of different or even sexual about it.

But all it took was a mere second.

A second where their eyes encountered and Youngmin mind went through everything and nothing at the same time, all the worries, fears and possible ways of how that could end. Yet every thought got discarded when he stopped staring at Woong’s lips to feel them. They kissed slow and quietly. And the feeling suddenly changed.

His heart hammered against his chest when he realized that it wouldn’t stop with one kiss. Many others came, one behind the other, in different ways. There was a slight flavor of tea that remained in Woong’s mouth. The television show kept running but no one was paying attention to it anymore.

Woong tasted him carefully and, with one quick motion, he trapped him underneath him, sitting on his lap to look at him intensely. That was the moment when Youngmin realized that he was okay with it, that he was willing to see where this took him. He wanted it. He wanted Woong.

The other passed his arms behind his neck and went back to taking his breathe away by the way he could move his mouth against his. It was overwhelming, it burned everywhere, like a wild fire that spread through his whole body without any warnings. Youngmin felt his own hands being taken and placed in the thighs that were trapping him and he needed a moment to sigh deeply between the constant attention of the other’s lips. His head was dizzy and he couldn’t think clearly.

His hands slowly moved from his legs to his hips and up to his waist and held him softly. His fingers moved by their own and caressed the boy’s sides. Woong started to trace a track of slow pecks over his jawline, moving to his neck, and Youngmin threw his head backwards to give him more space. He stared at the ceiling and thought he was going to die there, that he could pass away by the way Woong lips kept pressing against his skin. He wanted to feel more, touch more, suffer more.

And it only took another mere second to break the moment. He heard the lock pad of the door getting unlocked and Woong sighed deeply in defeat while placing his head against Youngmin shoulder. “This- This has to be a joke.”

Some steps were heard and Youngmin saw Woojin entering casually. He smiled at them and the angel felt terribly embarrassed that he was seeing them in that compromising position that Woong was showing any intentions to change. Youngmin quickly put his hands away from the blonde and dropped them to his sides, in awkward fists.

“Hello. Whore. Panini head.” It took him some time to realize which nickname was for him and which one for Woong. None of them sounded right.

Woong sighed again and stood up. He was really angry, his face was clear from any display of his usual good mood. Youngmin had never seen that expression before: plain, dull and intimidating. The tension he felt in the air was so strong that it made him step up too.

“What are you doing here?”

“What do you mean? This is my house. I even brought some ramen to eat.” Woojin showed a plastic bag he had on his hand. “I brought only two cups though. I didn’t know we had guests.”

“Yes. Yes, you knew. I specifically texted you to not come home tonight, why are you doing this? What the fuck?”

Hearing Woong voice become so sharp made him flinch.

“Just for fun.”

He saw Woong’s small frame take some steps to Woojin and he felt the urge hold him back by the shoulders. Woong took a deep shaky breath when he felt his hands on him and left quickly through the door. He wasn’t sure if he was right but it almost looked as if they were about to fight just right there. Youngmin left behind Woong after giving Woojin a cold stare, the other also replied with strong eyes.

Once outside, he saw the blonde holding his temple, exhaling many sighs of frustration. “I’m really sorry about this. These are the things that can happen when you have a shitty flat mate, you understand.”

“Hey, it’s okay.” He lifted his face with both of his hands. Woong looked out of spirits. It was like a déjà vu of the similar situation they had before.

“Let’s go for a small walk. I don’t want to go back there inside.”

He closed the door behind him and Youngmin followed him outside the building. It was a strange situation and he didn’t know which was the right way of acting. It all happened so suddenly that it didn’t give him time to understand it properly. All he knew was that Woong was frustrated and disappointed they couldn’t go further, it made him wonder how much that topic mattered to him. There would be a next time, there wasn’t any hurry for them. It shouldn’t bother him like that but maybe that just the way he thinks, not Woong.

The angel reached for his hand and Woong held it softly, his eyes were on the floor and it made Youngmin feel sad that he couldn’t see them clearly in the darkness of the night. With a fast movement of his head, he looked up to see around, suddenly remembering they weren’t walking in the day as they always do.

It was night time already and it made him feel quite anxious to know they were outside during the menacing time were the deadly creatures he feared the most liked to attack. The streets looked quite empty and it reminded him that time Donghyun and him ran for their lives.

He glanced at Woong again, this time with a lot of worry in his face. If he had to run with Woong, would they be able to make it? He felt his heartbeat increase at the possibility and his eyes looked around many times, right, left, at every window, valley, corner… They could be everywhere, ready to attack. He was scared. He couldn’t do nothing about it. He was helpless.

“Hey.” Youngmin flinched at Woong’s voice and took a deep breath to relax. “Let’s sit down for a moment.”

They have reached the park while he was too busy getting alarmed. They sat down in one of the benches and Woong stretched his arms over his head.

“We should go back soon though.” He said with a lingering fear creeping up his back.

“Just a minute. I want to take some fresh air.” His eyelashes covered his eyes. Youngming stared to his profile, the straight brigde of his nose, the tiny lips he was kissing some moments ago to his Adam apple looking more notorious than even when he threw his head back. Even if being outside right now wasn’t making him feel good, Youngmin thought he could bear with it if it could bring back some light in Woong’s features. “It’s quite chilly.”

Youngmin reached for his own jacket to take it off and give it to him but he didn’t allow it. In the pal of the hand he grabbed, Woong draw a few circles and Youngmin found it comforting for some reason, he felt he could ignore the constant screaming inside of his head that kept warning him about his surroundings.

Night could also be beautiful, like the way the other hummed softly and smiled softly while looking, at the random starts that were laying on the vast dark sea the sky was. This was not the way Youngmin thought this day would end like but he couldn’t feel a pinch of regret, he loved spending his time with Woong, in any way, all he needed was to feel the other’s hand warm on his. After relaxing enough, he spoke softly with a sudden curiosity.

“How did you meet Woojin?”

“Actually, we are childhood friends. We grew up together so it was a matter of time we ended up living together. It cheaper that way.”

The way Woong spoke between smiles made him feel insecure for a moment. Some minutes ago, he was sure Woong was ready to physically fight with the green haired but now he was talking about the same man with an entertained tone. They seemed close. It made him wonder what kind of images flashed inside his head while talking about the other. He asked something different instead. “Is… he against us?”

“I never saw him acting like this. He didn’t do it before with other people.”

Those last words caught him off guard. Other people? It was expected yet the idea never crossed his mind. Woong had many people he has dated or was interested in before? How they have looked? How much he liked them? Was he comparable to them?

Again, he ignored the real question he wanted to ask. “So, he hates me.”

“I don’t think so. It is because it’s the first time he sees me going so seriously with someone.” He gifted him a sincere smile. Youngmin felt his own face warm up.

“Is he jealous?”

“Maybe.” Youngmin felt a tug in his insides. It was disgust. He hadn’t thought of that possibility and it annoyed him. As his flat mate and apparently really close friend, he spent much more time with Woong than him and, if that guy had any kind of feeling for the other, it made him feel worried for them. He didn’t want their relationship to evolve into something else when he wasn’t there. Did that make him be a jealous person? He was being jealous over someone else was jealousy? How did that even work? “Not in the way you are thinking, dummy. Woojin might just be jealous that I’m not giving him the attention I used to. Aren’t your friends jealous of the time you spend with me too?”

He quickly checked internally: Daehwi was actually more worried than anything but still was really supporting of their relationship, he wasn’t jealous. On the other hand, to know what Donghyun was thinking was more difficult, he wasn’t even aware of Woong and it was hard to imagine how he could feel if he knew. Ignoring that he firstly would be very disappointed and mad Youngmin was breaking the rules, would he get jealous?

“I’m not sure.”

“You should check on them. Tell them about me, okay? I want to meet them too.”

He knew these requests would come sooner or after. Woong might have noticed the differences in what they knew. Youngmin knew his friend, his house, his routine, and Woong knew just tiny pieces of information of him. This would be a hard obstacle. It meant he had to plan what to do and say, he had to put more effort into hiding what he was. He had to lie more elaborately. And he wasn’t really sure about that. “Okay…”

“Let’s go back.”

The way back felt shorter than the way out. Youngmin had a lot on his mind that didn’t even noticed that Woong was already saying goodbye to him. So that is how this day ends? He wished they could be more time together but the situation didn’t look appropriate. He hoped Woojin wouldn’t give Woong a hard time.

“Wait, can I see you tomorrow?” He spurted out before his lover got inside.

Woong softened his expression. “I can’t. I told you I have a job now.”

“Right. Sorry.”

“I will tell you when I’m free.”

He wasn’t sure what it moved him to step forward before the door closed fully. The other looked at his with curious eyes. “Please, tell me when you finish your shifts and arrive your home. Or I will not be able to rest peacefully.”

Ah. It was fear that had moved him.

“Thank you, Youngmin.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> #noproofreadingwedielikewomen  
> well.... you might noticed now why i changed the rating of this fic lmao but dont worry i know these kind of things might not be of everyone's liking so i will be posting the respective warning in the chapters that need it.  
> this chapter is much more interesting than last one am i right?   
> oh boy the problems that are coming because of this  
> ok ill see everyone next update. please stay safe at home, remember to wash your hands and avoid large amounts of people.   
> take care <3


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope everyone is taking care staying at home. remember: it's okay to distract urself if things are getting overwhelming. let's continue our story.

The following days Youngmin and Woong seemed to not coincide. Nervousness attacked the angel each time he looked at the cellphone and wouldn’t see the “Let’s see each other” message he had been waiting for. All he would always get was a text at late night hours that told him Woong arrived safely at his flat after working. The human never forgot once to text him and he was glad because he had become really restless during the night time, when he walked in circles inside of his house until he got the text.

It was known demons don’t directly attack humans, those were some rare cases, but instead, they attack in other different indirect ways that made Youngmin worry every night. He wished he could sit down the other and tell him to be really careful and explain how he could be affected by the presence of the demons. That wasn’t possible.

Woong didn’t message him as much as he used to, it was obvious that was because of his new job, yet, Youngmin couldn’t deny that he was wondering if there was something wrong or if he had done something wrong. He never realized before how insecure he could be. Since he met Woong, he doubts himself a lot more. He didn’t want to disappoint him.

After sending a goodnight message to his lover, he left the phone in its usual hidden place and sighed deeply. There was no use in worrying that much. Being needy wouldn’t help either. Texting him a few random messages per day and wishing him good dreams should be enough for now. He needed patience. Sooner or later, Woong would tell him to meet him.

Maybe he also needed a distraction for himself. Perhaps going back to immerse himself into new texts was a good option since it had been a while. But suddenly, he remembered Woong’s words and decided to check on his friends. He thought deeply about it. Firstly, seeing Daehwi didn’t seem that possible: he couldn’t see the angel who studied in another institute, in another level. He couldn’t reach out for him, literally. And the Upper World didn’t have any way of communication like cellphones to tell his friend he wanted to see him.

His other friend, Donghyun, was quite busy lately. He didn’t know exactly why, not that it matters, if Youngmin could stay away from the Organization’s business, he would. Even though he knew about the other’s tight schedule, Youngmin felt like trying anyways. After their last lecture, he held Donghyun from his sleeve before he could leave his seat.

“Can we have some tea at your house?”

Donghyun seemed happily surprised.

“Oh, Youngmin, I wish we could but there are things I need to do.” Youngmin wanted to comment something about how the way he has been disappearing after classes but that sounded way too ironic for him. Youngmin used to do the same thing. His friend added quickly something when he saw the angel’s disappointed expression. “We can go together! I will take you. I actually have to deliver some documents to the Afterlife department. We could even come across Daehwi.”

“No, it’s okay. We can hang out some other day.”

“Well… Not probably. I will be helping here in the Upper World for some time. I will not be going back to the human world for this week.”

That was unexpected.

How much involved Donghyun was with the authorities? Will he ever be able to go back with him, walk together and overall continue their routine that he was already missing? “I see. Well… If you see our friend, tell him to visit me soon.”

“Okay! And Youngmin?”

“Yeah?”

“No… it’s nothing. Take care.”

That was also unexpected.

“See you?” He said goodbye with a confusion that made his voice waver.

Youngmin told himself that he tried.

He wasn’t the most social angel in the Upper World, yet knowing that none of the other beings he liked to interact with weren’t available for him was weird. In the end, he went with the infallible option: reading about random things and studying.

But, even if it was what he used to do with most of his time, it didn’t feel the same way anymore. He still loved reading, he will always do, he just didn’t like it that he was trying to use it as a distraction, not really focusing into it with the same passion as always. He didn’t know another way to use his time.

What he wasn’t really expecting was to see Daehwi inside of his house when he arrived home from his lectures the following day. With his cellphone on his hand.

“Is this Woong?” was the first thing the other angel said while showing him the picture displayed in the screen.

“Daehwi? What are you doing here? How did you find that?”

“One question at a time, angel.”

His friend took a seat in the sofa, looking ready to play around with the device by the mischievous smile on his face, and Youngmin quickly tried to take it away from his hands. He failed a few times and gave up. Daehwi was unstoppable.

“Let’s see: some pictures and a lot of messages. Whoa, you too really are a couple...” His slender index scrolled quickly down the list of texts in Woong’s chat. “Ew, why you two are so cheesy?”

There was a long sigh from the older angel. “Daehwi, why are you here?”

“How dare you ask that? Donghyun told me you wanted to see me so here I am.”

“I mean, _here_ , the human world.”

“Well, you live here? I didn’t know when your lectures ended so I preferred waiting in your house. I have my ways, Youngmin. It isn’t hard to pass when you create the perfect distraction for the guards.” The older angel couldn’t imagine what kind of plan Daehwi had done to cross the portal without getting caught. It was better to not think about it. “By the way, you really need to hide this thing better.”

Youngmin took the cellphone from his hands. “It _was_ hidden. You just lurked around, didn’t you?”

“Imagine if I was Donghyun and I found this.” Youngmin was taken back by the hypothetical situation. No, that would never happen. Donghyun wasn’t Daehwi, the angel who barged inside a strange house and looked around. He shook away that terrifying thought. “Anyways, why did you get a cellphone?”

“Isn’t it obvious? To talk with Woong.”

“You are telling me that _you_ , an angel, bought a whole cellphone just to talk with that human? I knew it was serious but I never imagined it was _this_ serious. So, when are you two marrying?” The other looked at the wall in front of him to imagine it. Marriage? After seeing his reaction, Daehwi kicked his legs and showed his tongue in disgust. “Ew! I can’t believe you actually took a minute to consider it! I was just joking!”

Daehwi always talked so quickly, saying many things at the same time that sometimes it was hard to follow a conversation with him but, that’s exactly why he loved talking with him. His friend forced him to talk quickly too without giving him any time to think in depth as Donghyun did. Sometimes he was envy of how the younger angel could always speak so freely his thoughts and always show his true feelings on his face. He was glad Donghyun was able to contact him.

“I missed you.” Youngmin blurted out when they finished talking about how they both passed their exams successfully.

“Gross.” He stood up and went to the bathroom to see himself in the mirror. The other knew he didn’t mean it like that, Daehwi was just too embarrassed to properly address the heart felt comment. Youngmin smiled at the younger. “It’s been long since I have been here in the human world. Like, since the party. I almost forgot how cute my human looking hair is.”

While the other brushed his hair with his fingers, Youngmin remembered the party at Daehwi’s mention. He remembered how both of his friends didn’t like the experience to the point they all agreed to stop messing around with humans. Seeing Daehwi in his bathroom was making him wonder how the other felt about this world, about interacting with humans and if he was still doubting for his safety for dating Woong.

Angels of the death weren’t allowed to stay in this world nor appear there if a human didn’t die. It was a such a tragic condition to be able to step in that world that held so many beautiful and interesting things. If Daehwi didn’t dropped his previous major, as an angel of love, he could have enjoyed much more from this world while protecting and supporting the relationships between humans. He didn’t know exactly the reason behind his choice. Suddenly, Youngmin was interested again in those kinds of questions because he was with a relationship with a human now. What was Daehwi’s position about humanity?

“Do you want to walk outside a little?”

“Let’s go.”

Youngmin took him through the streets he knew the most. He wasn’t able to go into unfamiliar places yet, he was scared to get lost. They straddled through the street full of shops he once walked with Woong. Now that he was with Daehwi, and he wasn’t sticking to every glass he saw like his lover but attentively looking from afar the clothes on display, it called his attention that the same places he visited with the human could give different feelings depending who he was accompanied by. They chatted about the things they saw and tried to catch up with each other, being really careful with the use of terms they used due the big amount of people in their surroundings.

“Now that I think about, I was the reason you met Woong. I invited Donghyun and he invited you. Maybe I shouldn’t have switched majors, I’m a natural Cupid.”

Youngmin laughed at the comment and, if they were back home, he would have asked more about that topic since he had thought of it before. It wasn’t the right moment for a talk of that type when they were outside like that. He changed the topic. “Talking about Donghyun, don’t you think it is weird he is always busy?”

“I don’t know what the director and the hags are thinking about. He kind of reminds myself being the slave of my professor. But he looks straight like a dog, doing all they say.”

Daehwi looked over his shoulder and commented something about how cute a dress was but Youngmin wasn’t paying attention anymore. He didn’t know that that was Donghyun’s situation and it was bothering him in some way, why he was so involved with those cold angels?

While they made their way to the park, Daehwi kept blabbering something about human fashion that he couldn’t fully listen because his mind on his other friend. They crossed the street and Youngmin attention was called by the familiar façade of the coffee shop. For a moment, he had the idea of invite Daehwi to a drink but he got interrupted by his friend’s words.

“Hey, isn’t that Woong?”

At first, he thought it was a joke or that the other just got someone mistaken as his lover but it was Woong. The back of his head was so recognizable for him. He was inside the shop, ordering something. Youngmin didn’t move from his spot, just looking to the human and being aware of the confused look his friend was giving him.

What is he supposed to do? Come to him and say hi, right? With Daehwi? Why Woong was even there? He checked the time on his phone with a fast glance. It wasn’t that late. He didn’t know exactly when his shift started, he only knew when it ended, much more later in the night. If he had time to grab something at the coffee shop, why he didn’t have time for him? That was a terrible thought, he told himself.

“Oh, he is coming here.” Indeed, Woong already finished ordering and had a two-cup holder in his hand. The blonde was walking towards them because the angels were steeping in front of the entrance.

And before he could act, Woong was in front of them. He was wearing a big black hoodie and a pair of sweatpants, he looked really casual yet, his hair was carefully styled backwards, exposing his forehead. His eyes opened wide when he realized Youngmnin was in front of him. The angel didn’t know what to say either. It was the first time they met this unexpectedly and on top of that, Daehwi eyes went back and forth between them. Woong noticed his friend and blinked a few times.

“Woong.”

“Youngmin. What a surprise.” He half laughed and his eyes went to Daehwi who tilted his head in interest.

“Right. Woong, this is Daehwi, an old friend. Daehwi, Woong, my boyfriend.” Woong smiled shyly at the other angel. It was surreal that his friend and the human were meeting each other, as if both of his realities were meeting and colliding with each other.

“Nice to meet you, Daehwi.”

“The pleasure is mine.” His friend said enthusiastically and held the human’s free hand with both of his hands, just the usual level of friendliness that Daehwi holds.

Youngmin was sure Woong wouldn’t mind that type of approach because they had some similarities in their personalities. He had thought about it at some point. It was weird to see he was wrong and that Woong smile looked really forced.

“Youngmin always talks me about you.”

“I would really love to hear what my boyfriend says about me but I’m actually busy right now. I have to head to work already. I’m so sorry. Let’s see each other some other time.”

Woong stepped away from Daehwi and as soon as he appeared, he left. The whole encounter felt too weird for Youngmin. His friend stared at him with a questioning look that he couldn’t answer, he had no idea either, so he shuggered his shoulders and put his hands up to say “I don’t know”.

Both angels stepped inside the coffeeshop by Youngmin’s initiative, he wanted a drink after that strange situation that happened so unexpectedly. He always thought that if Daehwi ever meet Woong, they would click instantly, he couldn’t believe he was wrong.

“Well… that was awkward.” Daehwi said aloud once they were waiting for the cashier to come back from a table. “Woong seemed to not like seeing me. Or… seeing you.”

“You heard him. He was busy.”

“He looked to a totally different person from what you describe.”

Youngmin held the bridge of his nose in exasperation, Woong didn’t leave a good first impression to, nothing more nothing less, his friend, Daehwi, expert in judging. He had no words. Didn’t Woong want to meet his friends? He could have acted better. The cashier was back, ready to take their order.

The angel smiled at seeing her familiar face. “Hey, how are you doing?”

“Pretty good even though I’m covering a coworker and managing the place alone.”

“You are doing well. Hey, Woong was here some minutes ago, can I ask the same as him? I think my friend here will like the melon milkshake.”

“Huh?” She looked confused for second. “He didn’t ask for that. He ordered two black coffees.”

It was his own fault for assuming what Woong has ordered, it was his mind that processed that his two cups were the order they always ask together. Coming to think about it, what he was doing with two cups? He was highly doubtful that he asked for two black coffees for himself. Nothing was making sense. “Oh… Then, I will take one honey grapefruit black tea and a melon milkshake. To carry out.”

They headed to the exit with their order in Youngmin’s hands. Daehwi, who had been suspiciously quiet during his conversation with the employee, looked at him with small eyes. The older passed him the melon milkshake and tried to ignore his expression but, in the end, Youngmin couldn’t bear it anymore so he stopped before reaching for the glass door. “What?”

“She knows you?”

 _Oh no_.

He just was discovered.

He felt himself blinking a few times while he tried to maintain a stoic expression to not let the other see through his lies. “I came here often.”

“And… she remembers you? That doesn’t make sense for…” _Angels._ The younger let the phrase hanging and crossed his arms over his chest. He wasn’t happy at all. “You lied to me, didn’t you?”

Youngmin felt his lie fall to the ground in that moment. He remembered how he haven’t been fully honest with Daehwi when he told him his story in the human world. His friend wasn’t the type to hold grudges and probably, after a good explanation why, would even forget and forgive him quickly.

There wasn’t a big reason behind hiding the fact that humans could remember him no matter what kind of interaction he had with them. He just was scared that someone else would know and force him to give up on his major like that. Daehwi probably wouldn’t do something like that to him but the fears he had didn’t let him think clearly sometimes.

“Wow, that’s a hard pill to swallow.”

“Daehwi.” The other stopped from reaching the straw with his lips at being called. “I can explain.”

“Yeah, obviously, you will have to- Huh?” Youngmin saw Daehwi face expression change drastically in some seconds. His friend had frozen in the spot and his eyes were lost in a point. He got pale. Then, he cracked a nervous smile and whispered. “This is weird. Maybe I’m just imagining things since I haven’t been here in a while but Youngmin, we need to head home _quickly_.”

It was something about the angel eyes that told him something wasn’t right, something was scaring him deeply, something dangerous. He had been told without words that they were in danger. Fear creeped up his back and that made him give a not-very-subtle look around them.

Who was it? The young lady with a long coat passing by them? The lonely old man enjoying his tea on the closest table near by them? Maybe if he had powers, he could have felt it too: the cold in the forehead and fingers. Just like Daehwi.

Youngmin couldn’t answer because his throat constricted at the thought and the flashing memories of what it was to be close to a demon. He got dragged outside the coffee shop and the angel snapped out of his initial shock, looking back to the inside, would the people there be fine? Would the friendly cashier be ok?

His head snapped to the direction Woong left.

Would Woong be safe?

He had to check, or warn him. He had to.

“Where do you think you are going!?” The younger angel held him by the arm. Youngmin looked back at him with trembling eyebrows. “Don’t worry about him. Worry about us.”

Their made their way back with a fast walking pace, eyes to the front and expressionless faces. It was terrifying to feel blind, totally unaware, Youngmin kept flinching at every person that passed close by him. He could only be able to breathe properly once he was inside his house. Daehwi plopped his head over the table with a long nervous sigh.

“That was _so_ scary. I felt something weird about that coffee place when we arrived but it got unbearable at that point. Like it creeped up slowly. It was so weird.” Daehwi brushed his hands quickly to bring back some temperature to them. He continued talking in a serious tone. “Youngmin… you are totally powerless, right?”

“Yes.”

“And what would have happened if I wasn’t there? Would you stay there around a demon? I figured it out: you have hidden it from me to be able to continue your major and be able to live here, but isn’t it too dangerous? Shouldn’t we warn the Upper World this area is dangerous? Maybe they can send a few warrior angels and relocate you and Donghyun, and the other an-”

“I don’t want to.” He cut him “I’ve been doing well all this time, why do I have to change everything? Just because a random demon appeared? I’m so close, Daehwi, I’m so close to reach what I want.”

He pleaded and tried to convey his feelings with his eyes. He knew about all that, the risk, the problems, the things he should have done the moment he noticed he could nothing about the thing that makes him different from all the other angels. And maybe, he would have done it if he hadn’t meet Woong. Yet all the things he has learned and experienced the last month by loving him was way too precious to let go. His goal of completing the major that no one else supported him in except for his friends was also something he wanted to achieve. Daehwi stared at him with sad eyes and sighed.

“I know that look. Nothing that I say will make you change your mind, right?”

Youngmin reached out for one of his hands. He squeezed it while giving him a shy smile. “I will do it, Daehwi. I will take care of everything.”

The other smiled back. “You and that big forehead of yours with its crazy plans.”

“Hey!”

The heavy mood was forgotten after the joke and once they changed the topic of the conversation, they both didn’t want to keep talking about something so serious after not seeing each other in days.

Daehwi told him a few anecdotes he had during his classes that Youngmin listened carefully, forcing a smile while the now gone worried expression of his friend was stuck in his mind. When Youngmin insisted him to try the melon milkshake, Daehwi mouth twisted in a weird turn and he showed his teeth. He couldn’t help but laugh at his reaction. He said it was “undrinkable” and exchanged it with Youngmin’s tea.

He looked at the cup with the green thick liquid with empty eyes, it seemed like Woong was the only one who could drink that type of milkshake. He would have to save it inside his empty fridge or just throw it away before it gets bad.

As if there was a connection, he felt his cellphone vibrate in his pocket. He took it under Daehwi’s curious look while he kept sucking on the straw of the tea.

“I heard my boss is about to give us some free days while they fix some things at the bar. If it is like that, we can go out together. I will tell you after tonight’s shift.”

“Why are you reading the text aloud Daehwi?” The other shrugged and continue drinking. Youngmin shook his head while laughing from the heart.

The text was making him feel excited again.

The younger angel sipped the last drops of tea loudly through the straw and, when he was finished, exhaled happily as he stretched his arms over his head. “Well, seems like it is getting late and you stopped giving me attention already, so I will be heading back now.”

“Will you- “

“I can go back safely. You can trust me.” He winked at him and stood up to head to the door. Before he reached the doorknob, he looked back. “Youngmin?”

“Yeah?”

“Uh. No. It must be my imagination again. It’s nothing. Just take care?”

Hearing similar words was too weird.

“Okay?”

That strange feeling disappeared of his body after some hours, when Woong confirmed through another text that he was home and that, indeed, his workplace had to go through some maintenance work and that every employee got some free days. Youngmin was about to text him in that moment about where and when to see him but thought it was better to let the human rest and confirm those things the next day.

So, he waited, for a whole day, alone, while the crippling anticipation made him unable to stay still. He always had to move something, that be his leg during classes, his eyes while walking back to his house or his fingers against the table of the kitchen. Until his pone vibrated in front of him. He jumped and checked the new notification.

For Youngmin disgrace, Woong asked to go to the cinema again. There wasn’t anything wrong with it. He wanted to be with him so bad that it didn’t really matter where they would go, even if that place was the boring theatre where they would project long movies that he couldn’t understand. Maybe it was a human thing.

“You don’t need to walk me home. Just head to yours before it gets late. Let’s text each other when we arrive, okay?”

It was weird but Youngmin didn’t complain. Yet, it felt wrong somehow. The normal thing would be to check if Woong gets home by his own two eyes. He didn’t know why he just did as he was told. His date ending with an unfitting feeling for the high enthusiasm he had felt before coming. They did what they always did and he had a great time. Still, there was something off somewhere and he couldn’t tell exactly what it was.

It wasn’t the first time that Woong send him off from the place they encounter. The next times they met, Woong would say goodbye to him in the middle of the street with a quick kiss on the cheek. It seemed like they went back to the first times they hang out with each other, meeting somewhere and going back in different ways.

As much as the human loved his house and spending his time there, the following dates he hadn’t invited him over. Instead they visited their usual places and doing things like star gazing the first stars next to the river or walking through the park in a chilly afternoon but never going to non-public spaces. Youngmin noticed Woong was putting some distance between them.

“Your friend, Daehwi, was it?” The blonde said while holding the can of green tea softly. They were at the park in a cloudy day. He seemed smaller than ever in his long brown coat. “I wish I could meet him again. I didn’t act the best that time because I was in a hurry.”

Youngmin got surprised from the comment. The human hasn’t mentioned Daehwi in a while so he thought he had forgotten already. And now, some days after, he could recall that random encounter. The angel smiled to himself, he was thankful Daehwi allowed himself to be remembered by Woong. It made his heart warm at the thought.

“There will be another opportunity. Don’t beat yourself about it.”

That day, they also parted in different directions.

It was on Woong’s last free day when they decided to spend it in their favorite place: the coffeeshop. That locale held so many memories for them two that it became somewhere important, meaningful. The weather was wonderful.

Youngmin looked at the other, Woong was zoning out while they were in the line to order and it didn’t feel good. Was he worried? Bored? What was going on inside his head? The angel looked over the people’s heads to count how many persons were there before them and his attention got called by the signboard behind the cashiers that listed all the option the place had to offer.

He wondered if they would be asking for what they always order, a tea and a milkshake, when there were so many options he had never seen before. They could try something new maybe. His eyes read the first drink on the list.

“Do you like black coffee?” Youngmin asked by the times he remembered the drink’s name.

“Ah? Yes.” Woong answered shyly, a little bit confused after forcing himself outside his mind to reply. “Why do you ask?”

“Why don’t you drink it when you are with me?”

The other shuggered his shoulders while pouting. The gesture was so cute that Youngmin couldn’t keep his eyes off him. “I don’t know. I guess since you don’t like coffee, I prefer accompany you with something else? We also stuck with our tea and milkshake combo that I didn’t think of drinking something else.”

“We could change it. I could try it. Black coffee, I mean.”

Woong looked at him with some sparks of curiosity in his eyes. Youngmin was glad to see him back with his usual jolly mood that he had been not seeing the last days. After they got their two black coffees and seated down to drink them, the human kept telling him to drink it carefully to not burn himself. Youngmin took a sip. It was hot, strong, the aroma filled his nostrils. He groaned and grabbed a couple extra of little sugar packs to pour them into his cup while the other giggled. It was a mysterious how could Woong drink such a bitter drink when he had a sweet tooth.

After drinking half of the coffee, Youngmin could feel the caffeine running in his veins and making both of his legs under the table bounce rapidly. It felt horrendous. The palpitations on his chest were bothering and they didn’t let him focus really well on their conversation. He felt something similar to fear or panic, that was giving him a hard time to breathe properly but he could avoid showing it somehow.

They only took one step outside of the shop when Woong faced him to say goodbye. “Well... let’s meet again when we can.”

It wasn’t enough. He wanted to spend more time with him. Even if he could heart his own erratic heartbeat, he didn’t want to let go of him that fast. He didn’t know when it would be their next time. He wasn’t prepared to go back to missing him again. So, he did the unthinkable. Youngmin reached out for his arm to stop him from leaving.

“Woong, do you want to come home?”

The moment when he showed him his house for the first time was definitely now how he planned. Hell, he didn’t even plan this. Youngmin just was nervous and his fingers wouldn’t stop trembling. Probably the coffee talked instead of him. It had been a bad idea. Woong, who was walking next to him in silent, was totally unaware of his state. The angel kept screaming at himself internally.

But after giving some thought to it, there should be no problems, could be? What were the risks of him knowing his assigned house? Was the rule he was breaking that important? Is there a way this could go wrong when Donghyun, the only person who visits him, was away?

The nerves didn’t leave him when they arrived, they even got worse. His hand trembled when he opened the door under the other curious look. They entered and Youngmin realized it was a bad idea. When he saw his house with critic eyes, he realized it looked unhabitable. That house didn’t say nothing, there weren’t pics, or books, or anything that said someone lived there. It didn’t look _human_.

Woong gave a subtle look around and the angel had no idea or what to do next. There was nothing to show.

“You… don’t have a television?” was the first thing the other said. The angel could feel himself tensing up. The air was heavy and his heart still hadn’t calm down.

He hated that place in that moment. It wasn’t like Donghyun’s or Woong’s place, it felt too spacious and cold. Seeing Woong in the middle of the room staring at him back with questioning eyes was somehow scary. It was even scarier to remember they were alone.

Youngmin came with a quick lie. “The one I had stopped functioning. And to get a new one it’s kind of expensive.”

“Uh-huh.” He muttered and another awkward silence appeared.

He never felt this nervous before. His mind worked hard to come up with what to do next. Talk about something? Offer an edible? Did he have anything? Would the single melon milkshake in his fridge be too weird to offer? And, why he felt so uncomfortable?

It was not only him. Woong looked out of place as well, and he couldn’t blame him, he realized his house was the most boring place of the human world. He cleared his throat to call his attention and tried to explain his place a little bit. He wasn’t sure if showing the house one lives in was something humans do or his mind was making up stuff from nowhere.

“That is the bathroom.” He pointed out with a finger the single door to a side. The human looked confused, probably because he wasn’t talking nor moving naturally. He leaded him to the other room and faced him. “And this is the bedroom. My house isn’t really that big. I even think is the same as your flat.”

He threw in a forced laugh to try to put away that weird feeling between them.

It didn’t work.

“One bedroom? What about your family?”

“My parents don’t live here. My mother works in another city and my father passed away when I was little.”

“Oh, sorry to hear that.”

“It’s okay.”

After the dry exchange of words, another piercing silence appeared. Youngmin only heard his own palpitations increase.

“So…” Woong started slowly while looking around the simple bedroom. “You basically live alone, right?”

“Yeah.” Youngmin turned around and encountered Woong facing right in front of him, staring at him intensely. “Woong?”

The other held him by his waist and reached for his lips in one motion. It was so quick that Youngmin didn’t get the chance to breathe properly. It was so suddenly and it finally broke down the strange feeling that surrounded them. It felt different. As if the moment had been building up all this time. His heart hammered against his ribcage when he felt the soft texture of the other’s tongue pushing against his.

Woong stepped forward and Youngmin stepped back.

Woong took another step forward and Youngmin stepped back.

Then, he felt the back of his legs hit against his own bed. He fell backwards and the air in his lungs left his body, not because from the fall but because Woong quickly got on top of him, sitting on his hipbones. It clicked. He understood what was going on. There was something different in Woong’s hazy eyes that looked down to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the more chapters i post the more i'm thankful for those who keep stikcing with me through the story. i know it has a really slow pace and im sorry about that. sometimes i wonder if i should change things but i would like to respect the rhythm this stories asks me to go on with.  
> see you at the next chapter :)


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Warning: Even though is not explicit, the following chapter has mature content. If you prefer not to read it, please skip till the sentence that starts with the word "Then". Also, after I read this again, I realized that the feelings Youngmin describes in the latter second half may sound similar to derealization. I felt like I should point it out just in case._
> 
> Thanks for reading !

The human leaned over and brushed their lips. Slowly. Very slowly. And he felt a familiar fire inside him. He felt seduced yet taken back. His hands felt sweaty and his heart was ready to jump of his chest.

"Wait, Woong. Wait!"

"What? You really me brought me to your house, where you live alone, and expect me to think we will not be doing anything?"

The human kissed him hungrily and Youngmin tried to kiss back but he felt stiff. His body didn’t know what to do exactly and he squirmed away slowly. Woong kissed on both of his cheeks carefully and fully stopped, looking at him directly.

"If you really don’t want me to do anything I will stop. Just tell me."

The angel stuttered a bit and closed his mouth. It was so sudden, so unexpected. Was it okay to let himself give up to the dangerous curiosity of wanting to know what it would feel like to touch and be touched? It was so unexpected.

He felt too shy to say it aloud, to say he wanted it. He hummed affirmatively, thinking that would be enough. Woong was not satisfied with his vague gesture. "Youngmin, please be clear. I need you to be clear. I will not continue if you don’t tell me."

Youngmin looked at him. He gulped the saliva that had poured in his mouth from his nervousness and answered, with a rising warmness in his face.

"Don’t... stop."

After his soft answer, Woong captured his mouth again almost instantly. His teeth accidentally hit against his own and Woong giggled between kisses. Youngmin couldn’t find it funny because he was too nervous, too aware of the proximity of Woong’s body. He placed his hands on his shoulders and closed his eyes. Not knowing what was going to happen was somehow scary. He was feeling as if he was in the lingering moment before a fall in a rollercoaster. Not like he ever ride one but that’s how he imagined it felt like. Something was telling him that it wouldn't be the same after this.

Woong lowered himself even more and pressed his hips down. A shaky breath left Youngmin’s lips, he felt ashamed and looked to a side, to avoid the intense stare of the other. Woong was alluring, suffocating, he was everywhere. He could see, feel, smell, taste Woong and it was driving him insane. Should an angel be allowed to feel this way?

The other attacked his neck at the same time he kept pressing and moving his hips down on him, giving him a breath-taking feeling from the friction they had over the fabrics of their clothes. He tasted his skin intensely, twirling his tongue over the spot under his ear and dragging his lips all over his Adam’s apple. Youngmin breathe hitched but he maintained his eyes closed, closing them even harder than before because, if he opened, he wouldn't know how it would be like. It was already way too much by the million stimulations he was receiving physically. He was still scared to open his eyes and face Woong.

“Hey… relax, Youngmin.” He heard and slowly raised his eyelids. Woong was looking at him with honey eyes, the same look he always gave him. It was still Woong in front of him, the same Woong who will always hold his hand and smile warmly. It was hard to believe but it was the truth. “I can feel your heartbeat going way too fast.”

Youngmin inhaled and exhaled deeply to try to relax. It was okay. He shouldn't feel guilty for feeling all these sensations, they were real and they were scarily amazing. Woong opened the buttons of his shirt one by one under the other’s look. Youngmin didn't know what Woong thought the first time he saw his chest exposed, it was a normal body yet, the mere possibility of not being of his like was making him bite his own lip. He had never show this much amount of skin to anybody before. He couldn’t speculate anymore because Woong voiced his own thoughts.

“You are so cute.” Woong slowly roamed his hands all over his torso and the angel found it very relaxing. The blonde’s eyes were delightfully staring at the way his own hands were touching him. “I always had thought that.”

Youngmin felt ready to give up to him, to his deep glance and low whispers. Every thought left him as the other leaned over to kiss him in the place his collarbones ended. He could and would surrender to Woong. He could give everything to him, even his body.

The next moment the human reached for his lips, Youngmin kissed back, as hard as he could. Nothing was holding him back anymore. Nothing that could be bad could feel as good as Woong tongue in his mouth. The angel allowed himself to bring his hand to Woong’s shoulders, and arms, and chest. He didn’t need to imagine what his body would feel like anymore, he was feeling it.

The other passed one hand through his chest, to his stomach and slowly reached for the waistband of his pants. Youngmin bit the inside of his mouth and stared at the dark ceiling. There should not be any problem, as an angel who stayed in the human world, his body was anatomically the same, the thing that was worrying him was if he would not feel anything.

There wasn’t any more time to think about it because Woong’s fingers grazed underneath his clothes and Youngmin felt the air of his lungs disappear. His legs trembled and his eyes rolled back at the touch. He was being touched. Woong continued giving him slow pumps while staring at his face. He didn’t know what it was more arousing, the way his body was burning or the serious stare of those dark eyes, preying on him.

“Do you have lube and a condom?” It took him a minute to realized he was being asked something and that he had to reply. Oh, right, humans used those kinds of things when they had sex. He totally forgot about it. Well, not as if he was planning this situation either.

“I don't.” He answered between breathes.

Woong stopped moving for a second while he processed his answer. Youngmin looked at him confused. Then, after that sudden stop, he restarted touching him again and Youngmin felt himself melting right away. “Sorry, babe, I do love you but I'm not taking it raw after so long. We can still have some fun though.”

After saying that, Woong stopped the movements of his hands to bring himself lower and lower. Youngmin followed the sight of Woong’s head disappearing till the point he was out the bed, kneeling on the floor. He sat instantly in a sweat. Still unsure what would happen next. If they weren’t going to have sex, then what he was doing?

Youngmin saw Woong tugging the fabric of his pants until he was fully exposed and he felt like crying. There was a weird mix of embarrassment and excitement because everything seemed surreal at this point. His eyes felt ready to pop out of his face when saw him reaching for him with his own mouth. His legs tried to close by their own but Woong body was stopping them with his shoulders.

The eye contact that Woong gave him when his tongue carefully wrapped against his skin was unexpectedly painfully arousing. Youngmin saw himself disappearing in Woong’s mouth until his nose pressed against his pelvis and the strength in his arms that were supporting him disappeared. He fell back to the bed again. There was a ringing dizzy feeling blurring his vision and mind. He wanted to cry from how good it felt.

His body continued twitching over and over and over at the new attention he was receiving. He covered his own mouth with the back of his hand to mute the weird noises that were menacing to escape from his mouth. It was embarrassing.

"No, let me hear you." He saw Woong’s appearing in front of his eyes.

"It's weird."

"No, it isn’t." Woong put his hand away. His voice was hoarse. "It’s fucking sexy."

After Woong got back on his knees, the muffled pants he had been making turned into low groans that he couldn’t stop. It was hard to breathe and his own throat closed and opened only to transform his voice into those sounds that he couldn’t believe he could make.

He could definitely could cry from this. It was a pleasurable torture that wiped away any thought from his mind. He was only aware of his own body burning and Woong. Woong. He used the little bit of strength he had to rise up and look at him.

His eyes were shining so differently, attentively looking at him. He even looked a little bit mischievous by the way he kept flattering his eyelashes on purpose, giving him big eyes while he kept doing something so obscene that Youngmin wouldn’t have ever imagined that he would be living it. Woong was seducing him, intoxicating him and he couldn’t get enough.

The room feel small, suffocating and humid just like Woong’s mouth that kept pressing against his skin. It was wet, terribly hot and out of this world. He never knew he was this sensitive, that he could feel like this, that he, an angel, had the same reactions and instincts as a human. Woong kept moving his head up and down, back and forwards, giving Youngmin a pleasure that seemed surreal. Pleasure. It was pleasure, lust and raw exciting sensual gratification that kept making him curl his toes and hold the sheets for dear life till the point his knuckles turned white.

"Woong!" He cried aloud, alarmed, and tried to push his head away. His heart hammering so wildly inside him and the increasing ringing in his ears were telling him he couldn’t handle it anymore.

But Woong just hummed and continued sucking with even more enthusiasm, pushing against his hand to try to keep his head in place. Youngmin threw a throaty mewl, almost sounding like a desperate crying sound when he felt his body twitch hardly. He felt Woong fingers grasping his stomach and caressing his sides softly.

He wasn’t crying but his eyes watered and he couldn’t see clearly what happened exactly when his body gave up to the pool of heat that kept pressing from inside. Youngmin blinked a few times and managed to see Woong wiping the corners of his mouth aggressively, panting hard. His lips were bright red, glossy and they looked so plump behind the rough touch of his own fingers. Woong was still beautiful. Woong between his legs, with rosy cheeks, coughing softly, was still beautiful.

"I’ve been wanting to do this for a long time." The other confessed with some difficulty on his voice.

Then, he saw black.

Out of nowhere, he saw nothing.

The next moment he could open his eyes, he saw the ceiling of his room. Youngmin quickly tried to sat on his bed but the weight of Woong arms around him didn't let him. He quickly scanned around to make sure everything was okay: he was on his bed, his clothes were all on place, his heart didn't feel like exploding anymore and Woong was looking at him with a curious look.

“Was that a dream?” was the first thing he asked the other, feeling a slight paranoia over his own sanity.

“No. It wasn't. You just passed out.” Woong said while readjusting himself against him. Youngmin felt the tension of his body leave after hearing he wasn't going crazy and calmly laid down once again. But, after one second of processing his words and what it had happened, he opened his eyes in horror. Woong held him in his place again. “I-It’s fine. I had the same reaction. But then I realized you just started sleeping, so I let you. Have you been sleeping well?”

“I… think so.”

Angels don't sleep. Angels don't pass out from exhaustion. That wasn't what had happened.

“Did I sleep for too long? What time is it?”

“You slept for like, ten minutes?”

“Oh.”

Youngmin stared at the ceiling with an unsettling feeling. What happened? What was the explanation?

“I don’t know why I feel like apologizing.”

“Don’t! It can’t be your fault. Maybe I do needed some rest.” He answered in a heartbeat. Woong wasn’t the wrong one here.

A big worrying took him over for some moments while laying down with Woong. Allowing him to be intimate with him could not be the reason, right? It was probably because of the coffee he took? He had been feeling weird since the caffeine entered his body. That might be the reason behind his sudden blackout. It was scary, he had never shut down like that before, plain unconscious. He was glad it happened when Woong was with him, when he could take care of him meanwhile.

After a breath sigh, he let himself relax. Just a little bit.

Knowing that what happened really happened was… slightly difficult to accept it. It felt like a boundary was broken from how easily it was to reach for Woong and drag his fingers through his hair. There were still some worries at the back of his head but he couldn’t give them more attention when Woong nuzzled inside the creak his neck and hugged him tightly by the waist. Woong being so close like this was helping him to feel calm. It made his heart happy. The angel corresponded and hugged him back, wrapping his arms around his frame.

Nothing felt like a mistake when he was with Woong. It was okay, even through the little messy details, it was perfect in an unperfect way.

“Oh, I know. We can listen to music.” The blonde broke the hug by a little to reach the back pockets of his jeans. In one, he had his big cellphone and in the other, he had the earphones Youngmin gifted him, seemed like Woong always had them with him. He smiled.

The music started in the single earphone he had on his ear. As always, it was a nice mellow melody, this time it was a beautiful combination of an ukulele and a woman’s voice who sang very lovely. Woong closed his eyes and Youngmin just stared at him, at his eyelashes, at his nose and the tips of the strand hairs of his fringe. At some point, Woong breathing got heavier and slower, he was sleeping in his arms. He looked small, all curled up against his chest, like a tiny animal that searches for warm.

He wanted to see that sight for the rest of his existence. In a future, if they get to live together, that would be the image he would see each night, when the human rests. He wanted that. He wanted that life really badly. He wondered what Woong would think about it? Do they have to marry for that?

Youngmin blew some air through his nose at the thought. Perhaps it was too early for that. Humans usually take a long time before taking that step full of symbolism in their relationships.

That night, he let the other sleep in his arms, just enjoying the sound of his breathing and the way their hearts beat in sync. But, in the morning, he remembered he had to leave his house to attend his classes but Woong didn’t seem to be waking up any time soon.

He tried to wake the other up with a few shakes, it didn’t work. Youngmin carefully unwrapped himself from the other and slide his way away. Nothing bad would happen if he leaves him like this, right? His empty house wouldn’t put his secret in danger and Woong could leave when he wants to. In the end, he decided to left a note in the bedside table for him, telling him he left early to go to his university and that he shouldn’t bother about locking the house or anything like that.

His good mood left him when he stepped in the Upper World.

From the first moment he appeared, he felt it: the stares. The warrior guardian at the entrance furrowed his eyebrows when he passed and the other students turned their head to look at him. His hands felt sweaty and he shook his fingers nervously. It felt horrible. He tried to gather enough courage to continue his way to the classroom under the weird glances he was receiving. Being different have always prepared him for these types of situations but this time it was worse. It was something in their eyes that was making him feel tense, a bad feeling, as if he was unwanted there.

For that day, he changed his usual seat to one in the back, to go unnoticed for the rest of the day. Donghyun was nowhere to be seen and it was weird to not have him on his side. He never skipped classes, no angel does that. Youngmin supposed he was still busy with helping the authorities of the institute.

That day was terrible. He couldn’t calm down because of the tense atmosphere he could perceive. It got even worse when he started to give up to his fears. There was no way any angel could know about his secrets, but then why every time his eyes came across another student, they would glance back, with confusion and rejection. He wished he had a mirror with him to check if he had something in his face, something that would explain this weird situation.

He wanted to escape.

And that is what he did.

The professor didn’t even finish his last words when Youngmin left his seat and exited the classroom in a fast pace. He went through the halls with his head down. When he was half way, the sea of angels started to appear from every door. Everywhere he looked, there was an angel with their light hair, beautiful flame and judging eyes, they were everywhere. Angels. He had to remind himself that he was also an angel but he felt out of place quickly. It felt like all his nightmares became real. Breathing was painful, his nerves were stacking up in his chest and his feet moved by their own to run away, making his way between the other students messily.

_Don’t look at me._

He could only catch took a deep inhale on the human world, holding himself by his resting his hand on his knees. It was difficult to believe that that day happened and it wasn’t just a scenario that his imagination made up from doubting himself and wondering if the other angels hated him, a thing he might have done many times before. That was reality.

He just had been judged.

He wanted to know what was happening and the answers seemed to not be anywhere. The few blocks he walked to his home felt like a fever dream. The world was going at a fast pace while his lips went dry. It felt like at any moment he would pass out again or that he would wake up again in Woong’s arms. Everything felt surreal and, when he arrived his house, the world kept spinning and spinning around him.

The note he had left for Woong was on the table, with more written words than before. He looked at Woong’s cute handwriting: “Sorry for sleeping so much. Call me when you can.” Along the words, there was a tiny drawing of what it looked to be a rabbit, or a dog, it wasn’t very clear. He smiled with effort. The paper in his hands told him yesterday wasn’t a dream, that day wasn’t a dream also. For some reason, he didn’t call Woong. The unsettling feeling didn’t let him.

His house felt way too suffocating to stay there, that’s why he went for a walk without thinking. He could only look at his own body moving through the door, to outside, where he walked aimlessly through the usual streets. The fresh air helped to calm his thoughts and, when the weird sensation of having difficulty to grasp the realness of the world stopped, he stared at his sides. The humans around him didn’t stare at him back, no one was looking at him. Everyone was focused on their own things.

He wasn’t judged there.

Youngmin ended up going to the library he once visited in hope to feel more at peace surrounded of human literature. A woman, who appeared to work there by the little tag on her shirt, approached him after he stood by the entrance with lost eyes. She asked what he was searching for, like how the librarian at the Main Library used to do, but in a different way. Her voice was softer and warmer, she was welcoming him to read whatever he wanted without limits or prejudices. He wasn’t in the Upper World anymore.

“I’m looking for a poetry book.” He said as soon as he remembered the book that he had read the last time he went there. He couldn’t finish it before so he thought that day as his second opportunity to do so.

“What was the title?”

“I don’t… remember.” Youngmin confessed in a tiny voice. It was embarrassing he didn’t know that important information. “It was violet and tiny. And it was poetry about love.”

“It’s fine. I will search for it in our data base. You know where the poetry section is?”

She looked like she was about to guide him through the library but he stopped her with a hand gesture.

“I know where it is. Thank you.”

Youngmin started walking towards the aisle he remembered. He wasn’t really sure what his plans were or what he was expecting from going to that place. The angel just hoped to find some peace after that weird day. To be able to ignore the millions of questions going through his head at that moment.

He just needed some time alone.

When he reached the poetry section, he noticed he wasn’t the only one there. It looked like he wouldn’t get his me time as he hoped. There was a girl reading a book in her hands in front of the shelve. She looked like she was in her twenties. Youngmin tried to look for the book he wanted, moving around her. At first, the human looked uninterested but he called her attention by the way he kept trying to see the books she was blocking with her body.

“Oh. I’m sorry? Are you searching for something?” She dropped her reading to ask politely.

“Uh… I’m looking for a violet poetry book. It wasn’t big. But I don’t remember the title nor the author.”

“I will help you.”

She said as she left the book she was reading on the furniture. The girl began to look around like him and it was a really nice gesture, yet, Youngmin wished he could do it alone. He still didn’t feel right, as if the weird sensation that made him uncomfortable was lingering somewhere in his body. For his disgrace, she not only didn’t leave after some minutes but started speaking to him.

“I’ve never seen you before here. I always come here after classes so I’m surprised to see someone new.” The angel used to think he was getting better at interacting with humans but he was wrong. He felt clueless all over again. “Do you come here often?”

“I came here a few times.” He lied. He wanted to get over this small talk already.

“Do you always read poetry?”

His patience was getting tested. He answered again with another lie. Maybe if he gave her short answers, he could get her to stop asking questions. “Sometimes.”

“Me too. I have a few recommendations to make for you to burrow. Have you given your personal information to burrow books?”

When she will stop?

“I did.” Another lie. That was enough.

“If we don’t find the one you are looking for, I can always-“

“Hey.” He cut her, feeling an irritation possess him and talk sharply. He wasn’t expecting to hear himself in such an acid tone. “I came here for a book only. Not to talk to people. Thank you for trying but I will search for the book by myself.”

“Oh. Okay. I’m sorry. I’ll leave now.”

The girl left and Youngmin couldn’t believe himself. He made an innocent and kind human talk that softly and leave with such sad eyes. It really was a bad day. Youngmin stood there, unable to move, to think clearly. He was starting to not understand himself at all.

In that moment, the librarian approached him. “Mister, I checked and the book you are looking for, Neruda’s poetry, it has been burrowed. If you need anything else, ask me and I’ll help.”

He looked at there for one moment, at her blue warm eyes, at the way she had nothing on top of her head just like him. Then he realized, he had nothing to do there. Even if he could had found the beautiful reading of last time, he wouldn’t be able to concentrate on it.

“Thank you but there is nothing else I need at the moment.”

Youngmin passed by the clueless woman and started to walk to the exit. In his way back, his eyes wandered around, observing his surroundings with a shaky heart. There was not a single flame on sight. Of course, it was the human world. And it felt strange. He felt strange. He also didn’t fit there, no matter how much he wished for it.

The following hours he spent in his house passed in a blink while he tried to find the answers to all his worries. It was an impossible task. Before he could recall what he was supposed to do, he found himself leaving his house to attend the institute again.

The angel was doubting in his short way to the portal. If the other students would act the way they did the day before, he didn’t want to go back there. He didn’t want to feel anxious and awkward, the weird feeling he had been having more and more lately. The more days it passed, the less attached he felt to that world.

He was about to turn around and just skip those classes, out of pure despair. He wasn’t sure how that would work but, in a corner, he saw his friend waiting for him with a big smile on his face.

Maybe he still had some attachments to that world.

He felt like sighing in relief at finally seeing his closest friend there, waiting for him, in the human world. It has been a long time since he saw that sight. He walked towards him, with a warmness in his chest.

“Donghyun!” He exclaimed happily. He had missed him. “I thought you would never be back from your tasks! Did they exploit you?”

They shared a laugh and Donghyun opened his mouth to answer. “Hey! I did this because I wanted not because-“

He stopped midways. And Youngmin looked at him confused.

His friend’s face firstly showed a shocked expression at him, then, it twisted in disgust and Donghyun furrowed his eyebrows. It was that stare. The same stare. It was the same expression he had seen the day before in the Upper World in every angel’s face. He felt his heartbeat slowly starting to race inside him.

Donghyun too? It couldn’t be. To see his own friend looking at him like that, with the same judging aura, proper of the angels. He felt the air of his lungs constrict in pain. Donghyun, his own friend. An angel.

He got closer to him and whispered something that shook him deeply.

“Youngmin, you don’t smell good.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phew. It's actually my frist time writing this type of content and i'm actually not sure if i like the way i do it? Anyways, it's not the main focus of this chapter.   
> This is actually a breaking point in the story and let me tell you... things will happen.   
> I'm praying my writing does justice for the upcoming events.  
> Can't wait to hear your thoughts on this.  
> Stay at home, stay safe. See you next update <3


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i want to thank fearmustdie for helping me with this chapter. i was really stuck with this one and they helped me to complete it and get the drama factor i really wanted. thank you soo much.

“What do you mean?” Youngmin said nervously while he sniffed his own hands repeatedly. He couldn't perceive any smell.

This was wrong.

“I should have told you before, but I wasn't sure… Now it's really noticeable.”

Suddenly, he felt really numb. There was only one explanation for this: he had been tainted by immorality. Something has dyed his nature with something so terrene that had left a mark in him. It couldn't be Woong's fault, right? Sexuality is not bad nor wrong, is it? There was an uncomfortable silence that made him feel really anxious. He knew Donghyun was waiting for him to speak and explain himself.

“It must be all those cupcakes I had.” It was the first lie his mind could came up with.

They always had joked about how Youngmin was a fan of human food and how he would fall into gluttony soon. The possibilities were there and, in that moment, he took them for his advantage.

Donghyun was still looking at him weirdly, with hard eyes and a twisted expression of discomfort. “We need you to get cleaned up.”

“I never knew this day would come,” Youngmin tried to say with a carefree tone, making it sound casual when it wasn’t.

He avoided looking at him in the eye as he moved forward towards the portal with quick steps, Donghyun following him from behind. It wasn't something uncommon for angels to get tainted if they used to frequent the human world, a world that was filled with imperfections everywhere. But it wasn't something to be proud of either. He just would have never imagined to be one of those few cases. What has he done wrong?

They stepped together on the other dimension, where the two angels who always stood by the entrance gave Youngmin an angry look. “Last time you skipped by without letting us see your identification. You are lucky we remember your face. Do it again and you will get a warning.”

His friend gave him a quick look at the comment. Youngmin was slightly sad that he was more worried about his “escape” than the unnecessary rude behavior they had with him. Even if he himself had claimed many times he didn't care anymore, he still did.

“I'm sorry.”

“And you need a purification right now!” The warrior angel wrinkled his nose and covered his face with a hand.

“We are heading to the Light in this moment.” Donghyun stepped in and looked at the other angel in the eyes. The angels looked surprised to see Donghyun. He talked clear and slow. Youngmin was surprised to see him with such a relaxed, diplomatic posture that was very different from the dorky friend he always sees. “Can you tell the rest of the authorities of the institute about the reason of our absences today?”

“Yes, we will.” was the short and clear answer he received, as if they were human soldiers ready to follow each one of his orders. It was an odd situation. They didn't get bothered in their way through the Services building, although Youngmin could still feel the stares of each angel on him as they passed.

It was clearer now. The reason why he was being pushed to a side like this was his scent, a smell he couldn’t smell due his lack of powers. It was embarrassing he went on a whole day like that and no one had the nice gesture to point it out for him. Now, it seemed to be worse than the previous day because the angels not only judged him with their eyes, but they also walked away from them. Youngmin’s eyes were glued to his own feet, he was unable to look somewhere else. He wished he couldn't see or feel or be there. He wished he could disappear. The Upper World seemed less and less bright in his eyes.

Donghyun noticed that and held him by the hand, leading him to the exit. They did the same path they did when it was Donghyun’s ceremony: to the other tower and its last level. The Light had the power to purify angels and keep them clean. The angels who guarded the entrance let them pass without problems. Youngmin wasn’t sure if it was because of his obvious condition or by the way Donghyun quickly raised his eyes to them.

Youngmin was nervous. What if it didn’t work? What if the Light couldn’t clean him because he had no powers? He didn’t have that supernatural factor in his nature. What would happen if he had to live for the rest of his existence stinking as immorality?

He looked at the four Cherubs around the brightness and realized his progenitor wasn’t there. It couldn’t be explained why he could differentiate the high rank angels when they all looked the same: really weird. He just had the feeling that told him none of the shining creatures that were there were related to him.

His friend watched attentively as he walked towards the big orb and passed through it. He had felt absolutely nothing. He didn’t feel any different. And he panicked because of that. It was the first time he literally walked inside the Light, the biggest source of energy of the whole universe, and obviously he had expected to feel something. But nothing came. Not a single spark inside him, nor electricity through his body nor an unexplained amount of happiness.

_Nothing._

He looked up to his friend with despair in his eyes. His answer would tell him everything. The seconds he took to talk shook him to the core. Youngmin wasn’t ready to live a life he ruined.

Donghyun gave him a thumbs up. The usually gummy smile plastered on his face again. “That’s it!”

The younger angel threw himself over his friend for a hug, but ended up resting his weight against him as if he was a wall that could keep him on his feet. He had lost his balance because he felt his soul leaving him for a moment. It had been so close. He almost lost everything so suddenly.

“There, there.” Donghyun patted his back a few times affectionately.

He still felt light from all the worrying, however, he was able to look back again to the Cherubs in a circle around the Light. “My progenitor isn’t there. It’s the first time I don’t see them by the Light.”

Donghyun looked back with a confused look, probably asking himself how he could differentiate them from the other Cherubs. “So? It’s known Cherubs take turns to protect the Light, imagine the amount of energy they have to manipulate. Not any angel could take it continuously forever. They take breaks too.”

It was as if that fact had skipped by him completely. He knew about it, but he also didn’t. His mind hadn’t processed his progenitor also had breaks where they were away from their usual spot. Somewhere in that tower, the Cherub was unbusy, available. He would never have that kind of opportunity again.

“Donghyun, where do the Cherubs take their breaks?”

“Why are you asking that?”

“I want to talk to my progenitor.”

“What!?” Youngmin looked at him very seriously. The other angel looked like he couldn’t believe what he had heard. His eyes shook nervously to both sides and before he could open his mouth to oppose him, he added: “I need to, Donghyun. I’ve been waiting for this since forever. It is not like it’s prohibited or anything. Please, just take me there.”

He wasn’t asking for something impossible, then why did his friend press his lips in a line and stared at his own feet for a long time? Why did Donghyun look so doubtful? He shouldn’t be thinking about it this hard. If he was his friend, he should understand him and agree in the blink of an eye.

Youngmin felt the need growing bigger and bigger each second of silence that passed, a need he didn’t know he had till that exact moment. The many questions he used to do to himself during the first instances of his existence were all coming back, colliding inside of him again. He wanted to know so many things about that mysterious Cherub that held the title of the creature that brought him to the reality. The responsible of him being there and, probably, being the way he was. It had been really difficult to grow up as a powerless angel with no progenitors by his sides that could lead him. And he wanted answers. The response of many of his doubts of his very own existence were so close to him in that moment that it was painful.

In the end, Donghyun nodded and held him tightly to bring him to the level that was right under them. Youngmin looked carefully around him. There were more columns than usual there, creating a structure that looked unfinished, like ruins. At the same time, it looked really beautiful. Three Cherubs were sitting down in different points of the level, between the columns. The angel could only focus on one.

His messy feelings inside him were screaming at the sight of the Cherub that he had been wanting to speak finally looking up to him. Their eyes weren’t like human eyes at all, they were like two bright points carefully painted in a faceless face. Cherubs didn’t have a flame but straight light around their heads, long haloes that looked like curtains of fire over their head and bodies. They were terrifying alluring. But the most beautiful thing was the way his progenitor titled their head when Youngmin started to walk towards them.

He was being noticed. His progenitor was looking at him, addressing him, showing him their interest. And it hurt, it hurt so bad. He was grateful, but at the same time completely irritated. His walk became a run and, in some seconds, he was in front of the Cherub. Youngmin’s hands and legs were shaking. He was shaking of anger.

“Why did you bring me to existence!?” were the first words he directed to the angel. “Why!? Do you know how much I suffered for just existing!?”

His legs failed him and he fell on his knees. The image of the bright angel became blurry by his own tears. The Cherub extended their arms to him and both of his big hands wrapped around his whole frame. It was so touching. The tears wouldn’t stop falling. It was confusing.

“Youngmin.” He heard his own name coming towards him in an enveloping way, shaking him to the core. “My Youngmin.”

Tears kept falling as his sight turned blurry. All this time, all he had wanted was to look at his progenitor, and now that he was finally here, tears were getting in the way. without knowing exactly the reason of his crying.

“I just don’t get it,” He sobbed. “I don’t understand.”

His own hands reached for the fingers of his progenitor to hold himself from the crushing emotions that kept trying to push him down. It was hard to figure out what he was feeling. He has never thought before that he would be in this situation. There was too much to take in. All his life, he had been hating them for birthing him and abandoning him so easily. The anger was still there but hearing his own name coming from the celestial creature had been, undoubtedly, the most touching thing in the world.

“You look so beautiful, my descendant.” The Cherub’s voice was elegant, it almost sounded like a calming melody. “I knew you would come to me and I have been waiting for you.”

It’s real. Youngmin can tell his progenitor has been waiting for this day to come from the way he didn’t need to ask anything to get them talking. It was obvious what the question is.

“I remember your birth; it was the happiest and the most painful moment I can remember. I was forced to give up on you, because I am a Cherub and I have a duty to fulfill.”

Hearing those words filled Youngmin’s heart with uncertainty about the past, about the way his birth was handled, about the real reason behind everything. “It doesn’t make sense. You knew, you knew you can’t raise a descendant. You are a Cherub. Then, why? What moved you to do it?”

“Love, Youngmin,” the Cherub started caressing his hair, but he still couldn’t feel their love completely. It felt like an empty touch. Because of those prophetic features that weren’t able to express any emotion, the physical contact felt cold. Was he loved? Was this angel able to love? “The most powerful love that the Upper World has ever seen. One that broke any logic or boundary that could exist. A love they want me to forget, a love they want to hide.”

Their words resounded deeply in him. Maybe, in another time, in another circumstances, this Cherub had experienced a love so strong that it moved them to try, to break the rules. He still had many questions to do.

Three bells sounded in order. Time was up.

“Don’t leave yet, I still have a lot to ask you!” He didn’t care at all about sounding desperate. Now that he was finally here, Youngmin didn’t want to let go. “There are so many things I want to share with you, please!”

His progenitors voice sounded as calm and graceful as before, almost emotionless. “If you want more answers, search about The Disappearance of the Cherub. I hope we meet again, Youngmin.”

Youngmin saw the Cherub rise from the ground, majestically going through the air. He wanted to scream at them, something, anything, but they didn’t have a name and the word “progenitor” didn’t feel right either. The scream died in his throat as he saw the last of the enormous angel disappear into the other level. He left a shaky breath out. The next moment, three other Cherubs went down, replacing the other angels that had been resting in that level. None of them felt familiar.

He felt a hand on his shoulder and saw Donghyun looking down to him with sad eyes. Youngmin wondered if his friend had been watching them from afar and he just approached him, or if he had been behind him listening to everything, he wasn’t sure.

“Let’s go.”

He stood up with the help of the angel and; when he was about to hold onto him to leave that level, he spoke. “May I ask you to take me to the Main Library?”

His sad eyes reflected worry again. There was a silence and this time Donghyun didn’t put any complain. He did it without even muttering a single word in his way. Still, he followed him from up close behind when he entered the building of the Main Library. Youngmin took strong steps to the desk of the librarian.

With a strong voice, he asked. “I want to read about the Disappearance of the Cherub.”

The librarian opened their eyes wide, probably the most expression he has ever seen in their faces before. They weren’t the only ones surprised; next to him, Donghyun flinched at the words too. Youngmin looked at both of them repeatedly, too surprised to see them act as if the words he had said were cursed.

“Excuse me, those documents aren’t available for consulting.”

“What does that even mean?” Youngmin felt losing himself. “You can’t deny me the access to information!”

“I said that it isn’t possible.”

“I asked for it! I want-“

Donghyun stepped between them two and Youngmin felt a wave of painful disappointment from thinking he was telling him to stop it. That wasn’t the case. His friend approached the desk in front of them and placed a tiny shiny red orb on it. The librarian showed another surprised expression and looked at Donghyun with a face that said: “Are you crazy?”

Youngmin couldn’t understand what was going on, what that object meant or why Donghyun had it, or why the other angel seemed to eat their own words and allow them to pass, telling them to go to a certain direction.

Youngmin was curious to see how the shelves where a secret document was looked like. But they didn’t go to the shelves but to a different side, to the last wall where Donghyun showed again the crystal on his hand. Stairs appeared under their feet and they went down to what it looked to be a chamber... a secret chamber. He realized he didn’t know any of the secrets of the Upper World.

He saw the piles of parchments in the room and, after a deep inhale, he began searching for any information about the strange name he had been told. When he realized he was the only one doing so, he felt a sudden anger appearing because his friend wasn’t helping. He looked over his shoulder, ready to yell at him, but he couldn’t do it once he saw him. Donghyun looked off, totally zoned out, and his eyes were glued to the wall. Youngmin would have stopped there to ask him what was wrong, but he knew every second counted. It was a matter of time until they got dragged out of that place because he knew that they weren’t supposed to be there.

His finger trembled every time he reached for a new paper. Just the mere thought of understanding more of himself at one reading was making him feel restless. Many of the documents were written in the ancient language of angels that only a few could speak and read; he hoped he could understand what he was searching for. Between all the papers, he saw a parchment that called his attention, from how it didn’t look as old as the other codexes.

He opened it, finally discovered: big and ominous, the words that he had heard: “The Disappearance of the Cherub”. It wasn’t clear if he was the one who decided to plop down to the floor to read, or if his legs bended by their own by the lack of strength. Youngmin read word per word carefully.

The paper explained that, not long ago, a new generation of Cherubs were being raised when something weird happened. As usual, Cherubs studied and practiced since the moment they were born, to be able to fulfill the role they had in Upper World. They aren’t angels who interacted with humanity; still, they have one single visit to the human world to be shown how its existence was like, and to understand how it was connected to the world of the angels.

Up to there, the paper looked like a theory explanation of the education of Cherubs; but then, the main event was described: a Cherub had disappeared. Out of the seven angels, one didn’t come back from the human world. The words in the text became harsher, saying things like “a regrettable event”, “the biggest mistake in the Upper World’s history” and described the lost Cherub as a “filthy rebellious being.”

Youngmin stopped reading for a moment, to think the reason why he was reading this in the first place, why his progenitor told him about it and how it was connected to him, to his birth. He tried to search for the answers in the text again: “After a human month, the lost Cherub dared to show their presence in our world, but they weren’t alone. It was the first time the Upper World saw a-“

Nothing.

From that point till the very end, there was a big scratch that teared the paper into a fragile collage of words that didn’t make any sense. “Cherub”, “birth”, “alleged love”, “dead”, “mixed nature”, “Organization’s protocol”. Youngmin threw the paper in his hands away because of his frustration. It seemed like angels really wanted to keep this secret hidden. Act like it didn’t happen.

“Angels.” A voice was heard in the dark room. Youngmin stood up quickly to see who it was. There was an angel from their institute, a rector he had seen a few times before. “The director of the Services institute wants you in his office. Both of you.”

There was no future in resisting. They went to the building accompanied by the older angel, through the halls that took them to the main office. Donghyun and the rector entered the room and Youngmin followed them, but he was stopped. Apparently, they wanted to speak with Donghyun first, alone.

He stood there, staring at the doors with an empty heart. Once he had fully understood what had happened, his head started to spin. What was the meaning behind everything? What was the secret? His progenitor must be the one he read about, the Cherub that had disappeared. It was the only reason they would tell him to read that. The Cherub that brought him to life was the mentioned “lost Cherub”. Somehow, the human world was related to their disappearance. Love, too.

He felt the world falling on top of him in the realization that their progenitor fell in love in the human world. And probably, they brought a human to this world, their lover. They probably went to the Light. And probably, they: a Cherub and a human, gave birth to him.

The truth was a pill hard to swallow. He wanted to be invisible, if only just for a moment, be able to step back from reality to take a break, to be able to accept it. At the same time, a storm started to burst in his chest. Uncontrollable feelings made him take the two steps that separated him from the entrance, raise his fist towards the doorknob and feel enough courage to grab it.

Some voices stopped him.

“I thought we told you to be careful.” He recognized the voice of their director. “Letting him see the Cherub? Letting him read the secret document? This is improper of you.”

Another voice appeared, this time it was not a familiar one. “Any menace to the Upper World should be controlled. We trusted in you, Kim Donghyun. The Organization trusted on you.”

_The Organization? Donghyun?_

Youngmin stepped back. He looked at his own hands and made them move while thinking what he should do. He found out he was half human and that his best friend had been by his side only to make sure he didn’t find out about it. What was next after this? Nothing had a proper meaning in his life anymore. At least, not in the Upper World anymore.

If he had been a real angel, he would have flown, but he wasn’t. He ran away, as fast as his legs let him. It was the second time he ran towards the human world, avoiding angels and feeling more relieved after crossing the portal. He knew the angels that guarded the portal were probably pissed off, but that didn’t matter anymore.

His house didn’t feel important to him anymore. Empty cupboards, empty fridge, an empty house. It was an empty shell. It was impersonal and there was nothing that made him feel like staying. Somehow, that common building was also part of the world he left behind, like an extension of what being an angel was. This wasn’t his place either.

Youngmin turned back again towards the door, ready to leave... but it opened in one swing. He didn’t need to look up to know who it was. Donghyun was panting under the doorframe. “Youngmin,” his voice was low.

He didn’t have any strength left to deal with this, he would never have guessed the turns this night would take. “I don’t want to talk to you now,” he found his voice again. And weirdly, it didn’t sound as angry as he expected. It was just flat, no feelings at all. “Move to a side.”

Donghyun got in the middle, but Youngmin couldn’t find the courage needed to look into his eyes. What was the point of hearing him? Why should he let him speak when he couldn’t distinguish of what was true or not? His best friend lied to him. All he had done was lie, and Youngmin, too lost into the trust they had for each other, had never noticed.

“Where are you even going?”

“I don’t know,” he took a step back. “I don’t care,” and this time around, his voice shown more than just emptiness. He sounded disappointed. Disappointment, yeah… that was the feeling that filled his heart. “Why are you asking? To tell the Organization?” He snorted bitterly and a knot on his throat appeared.

“Listen to me-“

“I thought you were my best friend!” He finally looked into his eyes.

There was a time where that mere act used to make him feel at peace. But in that moment, he encountered the eyes of a stranger. The image of the person he treasured the most was now blurred right in front of him.

“I am!” Donghyun’s voice was different, it was broken. It hurt.

“How can you say that to my face after what I heard!” Disappointed evolved into anger, Youngmin couldn’t deal with this, he couldn’t even believe the other even dared to be in front of him. “I can’t believe you knew all of this and you hid it from me. Do you have an idea of how painful it was for me?” he pushed him back, “How much I have been wanting to know why I’m like this?”

Oh, but of course he knew, he had been the one by his side since he was born. His shoulder had been the one he had laid on when he needed to cry, his ceph was the one they shares, his laugh was the reason of being able to endure a hard life. Donghyun had been his support, his escape, his safe place, a person he could call home. And all of it has been a lie? What is the truth? Is there a way to repair this broken trust?

Still, he didn’t cry. Despite the knot inside his throat, despite the pain inside his heart, no tears fell.

“I- I didn’t know!” the other sounded desperate. “Only after I started to work more in the Upper World, I found out about it. I was planning to tell you. Why do you think I did all of this today? I wanted you to know the truth!”

Youngmin didn’t reply right away, staring straight into the other’s eyes. Could he truly trust him again?

“Are you lying to me? I can’t even tell because I can’t trust you anymore, Donghyun.” He was done. After this, he didn’t want to see him ever again. “I can’t. I don’t know who you are anymore.”

And with that being said, he walked past by him. The conversation was over.

“Youngmin!” Donghyun held to his arm, but there wasn’t much point to it.

Youngmin pushed him to a side and left the house rapidly, with his eyes only focused in his way. Running away was heartbreaking. He felt how everything that had held a meaning started to fall behind him with each step he took. He was being emptied through the meters that separated him from Donghyun.

It wasn’t a warm night. The cold air hit him in his cheeks that were wet from the tears that he didn’t recall allowing to flow before. The voice in his head kept questioning himself, his existence, past and future and all the things he had lived before. It felt like the end of everything he knew.

He wiped his face and saw the familiar 8 and 2 on the door. It was the only place he could ran away now. Even if it wasn’t the most intelligent idea, since he wasn’t sure if anyone would be at home at the moment.

Knocking on the door did nothing and, at that moment, he regretted not grabbing his cellphone with him to announce his presence through text. Making mistakes was something expected since he hadn’t thought of anything clear for a while now. Youngmin pressed his forehead against the wood and tasted the pain on his throat again, gulping down some spit did nothing to the heavy feeling obstructing his breathing. The hollow space inside his chest kept growing unstoppably.

Suddenly, the door opened and he almost lost his balance.

“Youngmin?” The blonde said in a surprised tone. The angel noticed instantly that he looked ready to leave: he was wearing a leather jacket and his hair wasn’t messy, like how he liked to have it when he was in his flat.

“Sorry, were you about to leave?” He laughed awkwardly and threw a hand over his face because the tears would not stop falling. “I’m sorry for bothering at this hour.”

“Are you ok? What’s wrong?”

“I’m sorry.”

“Stop apologizing. Just talk to me.”

The angel dropped his hand and let his head hung. In some way, he felt falling apart. His voice kept breaking. “I wasn’t feeling well, I went out to take a walk and somehow ended up here.” He closed his eyes and hugged himself tightly, to hold himself together from breaking into tiny pieces while he spoke. He didn’t want to be alone. He needed him. “I don’t have no one else than you, Woong.”

Nothing was heard for some seconds. And then, it was warm. It was where he belonged the most, where the world stopped and he was born again. It gave him some hope. It could heal. His arms were the safest place in that moment because there was nothing that could be comparable to that embrace.

“And you will always have me. You did well in coming to me.”

Youngmin allowed himself to breathe and shyly made the darkness of his own eyelids disappear to see the other’s hugging him. It felt like a déjà vu. The human backed away by some centimeters to face him.

“Didn’t I told you not to ever again cry in front of me?”

And Woong’s eyes were on him.

It was home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im soo nervous on how you guys will take this and, if you thought this chapter was crazy then idk if you will be able to handle the next one T.T  
> remember the good times? ummm ye i think yall should start to say goodbye to those. this fic is fluff AND angst, keep that on mind.  
> since i really want the next chapter to be better than all the ones you read before, i have to beg u to wait patiently. i really want to deliver quality so when i truly get it the way i want it to be, ill post it.  
> i thought being trapped in my house would make me write more but this quarentine is testing my sanity. i've been having too many mood swings to write properly, i apologize if i dont update that quickly anymore. ok, enough ranting. i just hope everyone is taking care.  
> i hope you liked it, till next update <3


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Warning: Mentions of blood by the end of this chapter._
> 
> once again, i wanna thank fearmustdie for beta reading this. they always help me with the hardest chapters. thank you a lot! (feel free to check out their fics too because they are amazing).
> 
> without further due, here is chapter 15, enjoy!

It all felt so familiar: Woong taking him inside, sitting him down and serving him a cup of water while he waits expectantly for him to talk. But it was different. This time Youngmin couldn’t calm down so easily. And Woong comforted him, putting his head against his chest and holding him carefully. Youngmin wouldn’t know how it would have been if he hadn’t had him next to him in that crushing moment. He shushed him softly and so warmly that it made him drop a few more tears.

“Thank you for this. Even though I’m being a nuisance.”

“You need to stop saying things like that. I’m here and I’m not going anywhere.” Youngmin reached for him and hugged him back tightly.

“I… had a pretty bad fight with a friend and I couldn’t stay at home. Alone. “

“It must have been pretty bad. I mean, for you to appear at my place like that…”Some sobs escaped from his lips without warning from remembering the last words he had exchanged with Donghyun, the sadness he had felt over the questionable way the Upper World treated him and the unsettling feeling that latched onto him so deeply. “Oh, no, no. Don’t cry. Fuck, I’m sorry.” 

Youngmin wiped his hands across his face and undid their hug to look at him in the eyes. He opened his mouth and couldn’t control his feelings while speaking. It was taking over him.

“It’s okay. It’s true. It is really bad. It made me think over a lot of things and I don’t know well what I’m supposed to do next. It’s killing me inside, this bad feeling of not understanding anything about my life,” he choked on his words “My studies, my family, my friends, it all seems broken now. They have always looked at me with sad eyes, or with pity, just because I’m different-”

The angel stopped himself. He almost started saying everything aloud because of the feeling of the moment. Woong was holding his hand so warmly that it made him feel so comfortable. For a second, he had thought that he could be able to tell him all the problems he had in his life as an angel, and that he would understand and comfort him. But he wouldn’t do that. Something inside him was still too troubled about exposing the secrets of the angels to humanity, and it made him feel angry. How can he disconnect himself from that world?

Woong just furrowed his eyebrows in worry, not liking anything he had said. The human held his face with both of his hands and stared at him. “You are you. That’s all it matters to me. I love you because you are you. Everything will be okay at the end, believe me. And if it doesn’t go well, I will still be right next to you. Forever together, right? Until the very end.”

Youngmin heard how his words were clear and paused. It resounded deeply in his heart. For a moment he wondered if he was even worthy of being loved so purely, but the doubts vanished quickly when the other leaned to kiss him. Slow and long, it was a delicate touch that filled him completely with warmness. The angel whispered a couple of I love you’s under his breathe in that tiny intimate space between their lips.

“Woong, promise me you will never forget me. Even if I’m gone.”

There wasn’t a real reason behind what he said. It was a simple fear that appeared out of nowhere from the back of his head: What would happen if it all went wrong for them? It was way too good. Even Woong felt surreal. How lucky he was for having found him. Youngmin felt so loved in that moment. He was scared from even thinking about the mere possibility of an ending. He had already lost everything in his life, he didn’t want to lost those eyes that care for him.

“Now you are scaring me, Youngmin.” The human said with some doubt. “Is everything okay? Don’t say those kind of things.”

Oh, so Woong didn’t want to think about a bad future either.

“I should go back.” 

Youngmin was really conscious every time he had to lie to Woong, but he always tried to reassure himself that they were all white lies. Like this one. He was not going to go back to his house because, knowing Donghyun, it was obvious his friend would be waiting for him.

He stood up with a low head to go towards the door. Woong reached for him and grabbed him from his sleeve. “I- I can’t let you go like this. Are you sure you want to go back to that empty house? Why don’t you- I mean, do you want to stay here for some days?”

If Woong kept saying the right things, he would cry again. It took all his will to stop his eyes from watering. There were no doubts about his love like the early stages of their relationships, yet it kept surprising him how loved he could feel. It was those details and gestures that filled his heart and reminded him that he wasn’t the only one in love.

“I- I can’t accept that. I would be a nuisance.”

“Please, you wouldn’t. I’m just worried for you. I don’t mind, really, if it is what you need...”

It was definitely what he needed. Yet, he couldn’t agree that easily. He didn’t want to be that intrusive. He tried to come up with an excuse. “What about Woojin?”

“Don’t think about him. I’ll talk to him when he is back and he better say yes, or he will have to deal with me.”

Could he ever refuse to those dark brown eyes that always met his with beautiful sparkles?

“Thank you so much.”

The human hummed contently and reached for his hand to lead him to his bedroom. Perhaps, in another circumstances, Youngmin could have felt terribly shy about stepping into his room but he felt really out of energy to feel over conscious. Woong took his jacket off and threw it to a chair while he fluffed his hair. He still had curiosity about his appearance and the reason he was leaving his flat yet, he let it pass for now.

Incredibly, his eyelids felt heavy from crying and all the different things that had happened in one single day. The tiredness wiped him out from any shame and instinctively reached for the comfy bed in front of him. He crawled and laid down on his stomach on the soft sheets. Woong joined right after, sitting down without saying anything. Youngmin felt the way he caressed his hair with delicacy and he relaxed at the touch.

His head was way too full of so many thoughts, none of them made sense or were clear enough to solve them. So, he decided to focus on his immediate present, right there on Woong’s bed, Woong’s room, Woong’s flat. He felt better after remembering how it was the same room where he realized how special the person next to him was. It felt like it was so long ago. That beautiful moment he cherished inside his heart; one he would never forget.

Woong stretched his arms over his head and reclined on the mattress. Youngmin wondered why he felt cozy from only seeing him. “That’s all this is about. You are there for me and I’m here for you, through the good and the bad times.”

“I love you, Woong.”

“I love you more.”

Youngmin brought him closer for a hug. The warmness of Woong’s body against his was very relaxing. It just felt familiar, casual. The other nuzzled the space on his neck and enjoyed, ready to let himself succumb to the temptation of falling asleep. But before Woong closed his eyes, the blonde suddenly looked at him with a confused look.

“Don’t you need to go back and bring your things here?”

“Hmm...” 

He thought deeply about it. 

If he could, he would never step in that place again. Woong didn’t know he barely has personal belongings. He only had just a couple of pieces of clothes he didn’t care about, and notes that have no longer utility for him. Well, he also had the cellphone. Oh. The cellphone. He left it in his house. The device itself wasn’t important, it was the messages and the pictures he took with it that were special enough for him to consider going back. If he can do it quickly, avoid Donghyun and move on, then it wouldn’t be a difficult task. 

“I will look for them in the morning.”

Woong hummed, half asleep already. Youngmin giggled softly by himself because of that cute dork that had asked something, but fell asleep before getting an answer. He held onto him dearly. While the mortal continued dreaming, Youngmin stared at him with honey eyes for half of the night. 

It was almost the early morning when he decided to rest as well and closed his eyes. He felt like he needed those hours of darkness and empty thoughts. But resting next to Woong was a whole different thing. Because he was still aware of his surroundings, he could still feel the other’s embrace and slow breathing. Words could not describe how good it felt. He wanted it to last forever. When they find a way to live forever together, Youngmin will always look up for their nights just to get a taste of what feeling at total peace is like.

In one moment, he felt Woong releasing himself and leaving the bed. Youngmin did not stop him, trying to rest as much as he could, even if it wasn’t the same without the other’s arms around him. He thought he deserved to relax like that. He was alone but he felt secure by remembering where he was. The soft sheets still smelled like Woong and that made him rest for some time more.

When his eyes opened by themselves, he knew he had to face reality already. There were a lot of things to solve and he could not escape forever. Youngmin left the bed and went to search for Woong. He walked through the hall to go to the kitchen. He was about to enter the room but hearing a voice made him stop.

“I’m telling you, I have nothing to do with it. I did nothing. Also, I don't want him here! It’s too bothersome.”

Youngmin even walked back, pressing himself against the wall. He wasn’t sure why he hid, he just did it. Woojin wasn’t happy. 

“He is staying.” That was Woong’s voice. Youngmin realized he was talking to Woojin about him, as he promised. He sounded strict and he was grateful he was really trying to convince the other. But at the same time, he was worried how Woojin would react. “I don’t care what you say. I feel that it is the right thing to do.”

“Woong.” His calling was acute, like he was trying to say something else by saying his name like that. It seemed like Woojin really didn’t want to know anything about Youngmin staying there.

“I’m too worried. After last night… You should have heard him talking. I want him close to me. Just in case.”

Woong sounded really sad for a moment and it made him sad as well. His boyfriend was really caring. It made his heart swell sweetly inside his chest. Suddenly, listening in secret those pure feelings felt really bad. Overhearing didn’t feel good and it wasn’t good. Youngmin breathed in and stepped forwards, walking towards the other two as naturally as he could while trying to ignore the uneasy feeling he had. “Good morning.”

“Youngmin! Have you slept well?” Woong greeted him with a small smile, changing totally the mood he had while talking some seconds ago.

“Yes. It’s been a while since I slept like that.”

“What do you want for breakfast? I made coffee.”

“No, thanks.” The last time he drank that beverage things didn’t go well. He already had enough coffee for a lifetime. He wanted it far from him.

“What about tea?”

“Oh, that sounds better.”

Woong started searching for the tea in the counter behind him after his reply. But he was stopped by Woojin’s words. “We haven’t finished talking, Woong.”

He turned around with one tea bag on his hand and a confused expression from hearing his friend’s heavy tone. That sounded like a warning. No, it  _ was _ a warning. His roommate twisted his mouth twice. Still, Woong poured Youngmin a cup of tea under the other’s stare. There was an awkward vibe around them that Youngmin didn’t like. He beared for some minutes the uncomfortable silence while drinking quickly.

The tea wasn’t even finished yet he stood up quickly to leave. “I… will search for my phone and be back later.”

His boyfriend sent him off happily, but Youngmin could feel the way the green haired boy’s eyes behind him were piercing through him. For the first time, he understood Woojin’s stare, everyone would react the same way when, out of nowhere, gets told someone else would live together with them. He hoped that once he was back, Woong had talked to him enough to calm down his temper. 

Walking slowly back to the house we wanted to forget the most brought him an embarrassing feeling. Yet he tried to keep in mind that it was only to give a part of his life a final closure.

Before he opened the door, he took a deep breath to calm down. He didn’t want to lose control the moment he sees Donghyun. He had to bury down all the pain of his hurt trust and the sadness that came with it. 

Youngmin stepped inside the house, a place that never felt the same even every time he walked in though it was physically the same building. He looked with cold eyes at the angel sitting down in the chair of the kitchen, he had his head low while, in his hands, he kept tossing side to side Youngmin’s cellphone. Donghyun raised up his head slowly. He looked restless and troubled. Youngmin was discovering the weakest sides of him.

After a long silence, the other was the first to say something.

“I have been waiting for you all the night, wondering where you were, worrying to death. You disappeared but then… I found  _ this _ ?” Donghyun talked sharply as he pointed the device he had. There even was a tone of irony on his voice, he was trying to hide the pain he was feeling. 

Youngmin was perplexed, how dare him to talk to him like that? Did he forget their last talk? Did he forget he didn’t care about him anymore? He already had stated before that none of his words mattered anymore since they all feel like a lie. He walked towards him with a straight face with only one objective in his mind: the cellphone. The other could talk all he wanted; he was not going to answer. He didn’t have to.

“I’m just trying to understand, Youngmin.” The angel stretched his arm backwards to put the cellphone out of his reach. They stared at each other for some moments of tension. Youngmin was not showing any signs of answering, he only stood there while waiting for his friend to give it to him. If he was right on how much he knew the other, he was sure he would do it at some point. “I feel so lost. Can you tell me what it means? Why do you have a cellphone? And who is  _ this _ ?”

Something of Donghyun’s voice when he referred to the smiley Woong on the screen made him snap. He could bear with accusations and overall judgment, but he would not let him talk like that about Woong. His previous mindset of not getting more involved was thrown out of the window. “He is my boyfriend! Now, I need that cellphone back! I don’t need to answer all your questions!”

“Boyfriend? A  _ human _ ? Do you hear yourself, Youngmin? Are you on your right mind? I just wanted to talk things out and go back to normality,” his voice held a mixture of exhaustion and disappointment. “But this...”

“What?”

“You are just confused.” The angel spoke the words as if he knew every single aspect of his life, and perhaps he did. “You are a very intelligent angel. You are aware this is wrong. You know, we can start over. We can ignore it. We can pretend none of this happened. Move on and-”

“Pretend!? Are you kidding me? Why do you act like it’s some kind of mistake?” How did he dare to tell him what to do after everything?

“Because it is a mistake, Youngmin!”

No. That wasn’t correct. If there is one thing he was sure about was that single thing: Falling in love with Woong would never be a mistake. In fact, it was the best thing that ever happened to him. 

All the angels acted the same, with their double-sided morality and prejudices, and Donghyun was not an exception. Youngmin was tired of hearing that damn word.  _ Mistake _ . The terms that had defined his mere existence: the fruit from the prohibited love of an innocent angel and a human, the hybrid that was deeply rejected and segregated. He would show that hypocritical world that him and his progenitor falling in love in the human world would never be a mistake.

He would not allow this. He had enough.

“I’m tired of everything!” he found himself raising his voice. “Of the rules, of the angels, of that  _ fucking _ Upper World! I’m never going back to it!”

Donghyun raised his voice as well, leaving the cellphone on the table with one hard motion and stepping up to face Youngmin at an almost equal eye level. “You can’t say that! You can’t deny what you are, where you belong. Wake up from your fantasies!”

“It is not a fantasy! I don’t belong there. I never belonged there. I found my place already. Please, let me leave...”

“How can I let you leave like that!? When you are my best friend…” The angel eyes shined to the way they quickly watered. It caught Youngmin off guard. Donghyun was not someone who cried easily. 

It was difficult to see him like that, with so much pain on his face. He could almost believe him again, give him a better chance to clear thing up, to actually sit down and talk things out. Because Youngmin was aware of the clenching feeling inside his stomach that told him that we wanted to believe Donghyun, he wanted to have his best friend back and tell him honestly all his feelings, he wanted him back so he could tell him properly what had happened, and maybe find a way out of this crazy situation.

In that moment of tense silence, the cellphone on the table vibrated and both angels looked at it for some seconds before jumping to get it. They fought over it as if their lives depended on it. Donghyun trying to keep his friend away from the device and whatever that sound was and Youngmin trying to read the new message, because only one person texted him, and it was the most important one in his world. 

In the end, taking advantage of the few centimeters that made him taller than the other, Youngmin got to see the screen over the head of Donghyun and internally read the message from the notification’s bar: “I’m almost there to help you. I forgot my earphones at your place, I feel empty without them.”

Donghyun took the phone with one clean swipe of his hand and stepped back with the device. “You need to forget this.”

He was about to bend the phone and break it in two when there was a knock on the door. Donghyun looked utterly shocked: someone was there, at the door of the assigned house of an angel, a place no one should know or care about. He stared at Youngmin, who was just as surprised as him.

“Youngmin! Are you home? I’m going in!”

Youngmin felt his insides revolve. It was Woong who entered and froze at the sight. It was the last thing he wanted to happen: his best friend meeting the human he has been hiding from him. They stared at each other for some seconds while Youngmin wondered what to do. He just wanted to end everything. His priorities changed, he wouldn’t need that cellphone anymore when he starts to live with Woong and create more memories with him. It was okay to leave it behind. They need to leave quickly.

“Let’s just go, Woong.” He ignored his friend and went for the human. He grabbed him by the arm to take him outside, but Woong wasn’t responding. He had this shocked expression and his eyes wouldn’t leave from Donghyun. “Woong?”

“So, it was you. You filthy disgrace.” Donghyun spitted each word with disgust and Youngmin turned around to confront his friend.

“Donghyun? What do you think-“

It all happened really quickly. 

The angel in front of him disappeared and, in the next second, he felt losing the grip he had around Woong’s arm. Youngmin eyes were too slow to catch that Donghyun had pounced against the blonde and were now tussling on the floor with each other. And he couldn’t move, he felt unable to move.

He could only react when he saw Donghyun’s ceph appearing over his head and some kind of light between them, probably from the angel’s hands. He was using his powers. His heartbeat speeded up. Donghyun was trying to kill Woong. 

“Donghyun!?” he somehow found his own voice. “Donghyun! Stop!”

Youngmin threw himself over his friend and held him away from his lover. Donghyun was panting hard, his ceph swinging side to side quickly. He grabbed him by the shoulders with all his strength, digging his fingers in his flesh, to look at him with a horrified face. Words wouldn’t come out, he couldn’t ask him aloud why.

The angel ignored him and shouted with anger to the blonde on the other side of the room. “It’s your fault. You were the reason why Youngmin had been acting so weird. You are evil! You were trying to corrupt an angel!”

“An? angel?” 

Youngmin heard Woong having some difficulty to speak and his glance went to Woong with a heavy heart, hoping with all his will Donghyun hadn’t injured him badly. He looked at him in the eyes, and it was then when he saw them.

Black pitch eyes, as dark as the night.

The eyes of a demon.

_ The eyes of Woong. _

Youngmin covered his mouth in disbelief and felt it instantly: the horror. He stepped back until his back pressed against the wall, trying to move away from that sight, from the bizarre image of Woong with two black voids in his eyes.

The darkness of them didn’t fit him, but he couldn’t stop staring at it: Woong’s dark eyes,  _ Woong’s demon eyes. _ With his small figure and the shocked yet sad way his face constricted while slowly reaching out for him; he knew Woong wasn’t trying to hurt him, but the long nails of his slender hands looked so menacing, and it triggered again the feeling of death getting closer when he had those kind of nails around his throat once.

It was Woongi, but he could no longer recognize him. Looking at the eyes that made him feel loved, now is mind was filled by fear, and his heart started to race. How could he feel so scared from the person he loved the most? 

His friend took the opportunity and went back to Woong, avoiding the swap of the blonde’s hands while trying to press his bright hands on his chest. Youngmin couldn’t move on from his initial shock as tears fell quickly through his cheeks. _ Woong? A demon? How? What should he do? _

If he didn’t do anything, it was probably that one of them would get killed by the other. And the world was wrong if it thought he would try to choose between his best friend and his lover. Because he still loved Woong, as hard and deep as the first day, that’s why it wouldn’t stop hurting to know Woong was a demon, the creature he feared the most.

He stood up in one motion and charged against his friend. Donghyun got shoved away with an aggressive push. He twisted slowly due the pain of hitting the floor so hardly.

It happened so fast Youngmin no longer felt connected to his own body. When he collided against who had been his best friend, only one thought was in mind: protect Woong.Youngmin looked at Woong. 

“Go! Run away!”

“Y-Youngmin?” 

It should be ridiculous for a demon to have such a beautiful and soft voice like that one. He felt breaking again and again.

“Just leave! Quickly! Go!”

The eyes of the demon watered and his tears pooled quickly in the corners of the darkness in his face. His beautiful face. Woong’s face that still looked pretty, like always. Woong gave him one sad look, his pink lips twisting in a weird way. He looked deeply sorry, ashamed, and Youngmin was dying to hug him in that moment but the demon stood up and ran through the door.

Youngmin felt his soul leaving him. He was empty again. Hollow. He had nothing. The one he cherished the most wasn’t an angel, nor a human, he was a demon and he wasn’t even sure how to take that, how to process it. His hands wouldn’t stop shaking because of the fear that had took him over since he knew he had been in the presence of a demon. 

He felt a push from his side. “What did you do!? How could you let a demon escape like that? He wasn’t even that powerful, I could have-“

“Donghyun, you don’t understand…”

For Woong to not be a human, how much did it matter? What had been changed? Youngmin had felt horrified at first but it was mostly because, no matter how dark those eyes could get, he would still love them. He loved Woong. It didn’t matter what kind of nature he was. He would probably have still fallen for him if he was an angel, as he did when he believed he was a human, things would have been much easier that way. Yet, this was his reality.

“What?”

“That demon means everything to me.” 

Donghyun looked at him as if he had gone crazy, and maybe he had, because his body moved towards the door. He couldn’t let go of him just like that.

“Lim Youngmin! If you cross that door, I cannot assure you that things will end well. You will lose the last opportunity to go back to the life you had.”

_ I don’t want it,  _ he thought while looking back at his friend who had a bewildered expression on his face. It hurt to see him like that. He wished he had more time, to say goodbye, to end things in a better way, but time was against him. Youngmin gave Donghyun one last smile and left.

It was the second time he was running away from his assigned house, the place which he had been calling “home” all his years in the human world, yet it felt totally different. He was trying to run towards the last hope he had in his broken life. He knew that where Woong would be, it would feel much more at home than any other place. He was leaving everything behind, for real, no doubts, no regrets. He was running away from his reality and his past, from his friend, the house, the portal, the lessons, the Upper World and Youngmin, the angel.

He was letting go of being an angel.

He was out of breath when he reached Woong’s house. The door was fully opened. Youngmin entered with his heart on his throat. He screamed for him and checked every room of the flat, but no one was there. There were some things thrown on the floor and the flat looked really messy, as if someone had been searching for things in a rush. They had left.

Still, he couldn’t give up there. The angel quickly left the place. They couldn’t be far away if they just had left. He looked to both sides and tried to search for a blonde and a green haired head between the people. It was hard to breathe and he felt the despair softly squeezing his lungs more and more. He had to be quick or he would lose them.

He mentally reprimanded himself for thinking them as humans and hoping to see them on the streets.  _ Think again, where a demon would go? _

His eyes landed on the closest alleyway and ran with all the remaining strength he had in his body. Once there, he saw two silhouettes walking away. His voice kept failing him every time he tried to call them. Breathing was difficult and was speaking even more. It was on the fourth attempt when he finally started to make audible sounds. He called again and again, until his volume increased enough to get the other’s attention.

“Woong, wait!”

The two of them turned back. Woong got so shocked that he dropped the backpack he was holding and he covered his mouth with both hands.

“Youngmin?” The blonde was speechless. He ran to him with a sad happiness to hug him tightly.

“Don’t leave.” Youngmin whispered.

“We are in danger. It’s a matter of time till angels fill the place to hunt us down. Angels… You are one of them?”

“I am. I'm an angel.”

“And I’m a demon, Youngmin.”

“So what? You think that I will back off just like that? You think that what we had shared will stop mattering to me after I knew who you were?”

Woong’s sad eyes glanced at the hold in his hands. He had a bittersweet smile on his face that made Youngmin’s heart hurt. After he snorted and shook his head, he told him: “You are shaking.”

It was true. He couldn’t stop shaking. His fingers were betraying him and trembled nonstop. The angel was scared. Inside him, there was this unexplained fear that told him that it could be dangerous, like the instinct of a small animal that avoids the depredator, a tiny voice inside his head that remembered him each second that the person in front of him was a demon. He was scared to see those black voids in Woong’s pretty dark eyes again.

It was because he loved him that he was so scared.

“It doesn’t matter! We said together forever, right?” his voice trembled as well. “Where did that go now? You think it's impossible now that we both know what we truly are?”

The other hurried to reply. “It isn’t like that.”

“Are you going to leave just like that? Without me?”

“What did you say?”

He heard the sudden hope his voice held, as if he hadn't expected him to say that. Youngmin himself didn't see it coming either but, unconsciously, he knew it: he wanted to go with Woong, stay together and find their own way to live. Even if that meant to follow him in the path of the demons.

“Woong, I don’t care. I love you over anything. I’m just Youngmin, and you are just Woong... and that’s why I love you and my feelings for you will never change.”

“Wake up, you dumbass!” Woojin, who had been witnessing everything from a few meters away, screamed with anger and took a few steps until he was close enough to grab Youngmin by the collar of his shirt, pushing the blonde to a side. The angel got paralyzed and couldn't move away, staring back at the sharp eyes that were menacing him. “Love? What a fucking joke! Look at him. Woong is a succubus. All that infatuation and feelings you think you have are not real. He was just using his powers on you until he got to fuck you.”

Youngmin eyes went to Woong, whose eyes got bigger due the surprise at the words that came from his friend, as if he just got busted. That reaction made Youngmin feel insecure for a moment, his mind was a mess and couldn't help imagine if it was true. Were his feelings just the consequences of his powers? If it was, it would be heartbreaking.

“That’s not true! Don’t listen to him!”

“I’m tired of you acting innocent, Woong!” he chuckled, but his words weren’t funny. “You told me clearly that he was your objective!” Woojin pushed Woong away with one strong shove of his elbow.

“I-” Woong stuttered. “I can explain it.”

“Since you met this bastard, you stopped being a real demon, Woong, you got soft and that makes me sick. It doesn’t matter anymore because I will end him now.”

The green haired showed the darkness that contrasted with his brown iris and made Youngmin feel his own blood cold. Woojin grabbed him by his neck hard, squishing his throat and choking him in one move. The angel couldn't move, and he wasn’t trying to find a release, why would he? It was all useless. There was no escape from that situation. Even if he tries to fight back or run away, a demon would always be stronger than him. And Woojin was more than willing to kill him. He looked to one side, to Woong, at least, when he died, he wanted him to be the last thing he sees. Woong had real fear on his face.

“Youngmin, use your powers!”

Oh, how everything would be easier in his life if he had powers. It felt bitter in his mouth again, the usual frustration and pain he had always felt in moments like these was even bigger. He couldn't save himself. He smiled sadly at his lover and whispered: “I don’t have powers.”

Woong opened his eyes even more and, in one second, the blonde had sneak behind the other demon. He put one hand wrapped around his nape, the tips of fingers were visible at both sides of his neck. Youngmin knew what that move could do.

“Release him right now.” 

“Oh? So, you are willing to kill me for this powerless angel?” 

Woojin let go of him slowly and stood there with his friend's hand still on him. Youngmin took some steps backwards weakly, his head was still spinning and he felt a pressure in his eardrums. 

“It is a  _ mistake _ , Woong.”

It all felt like a blur. Woojin escaped from Woong's hold and leaned towards him in a fast speed, with one of his hands directed towards him, towards his chest. Youngmin tried to get away and fell backwards in his attempt, as if someone had pushed him.

No, someone had actually pushed him aside.

Then, he saw red. There was blood everywhere, it had splattered all over him. It was one clean motion. He saw, with utter shock and horror, how red the blood of Donghyun could be. Out of nowhere, his friend had appeared and saved him on the last second, blocking the attack with his own body.

It was a nightmare. Youngmin couldn't take his eyes away from the injury. Right in front of him, the tips of Woojin nails inside of Donghyun's body could be seen, he had stabbed him all the way through him. It was a deep and life-threatening wound.

“Donghyun! No!” Youngmin screamed loudly, his voice echoing around the whole valley. Tears filled up his vision rapidly. 

After all he had said, after all the fighting and differences they had, Donghyun still was his best friend, and he still loved him so much to protect him like this. It hurt a lot, in his chest, as if he was the one who was bleeding.

“Who the h-?” Woojin voice broke into a loud groan of pain when Donghyun took him by the arm that had hurt him with a glowing hand. Then, he quickly placed the other bright hand on his face. 

The demon screamed and stepped back while holding his face with his clean hand but Youngmin stopped thinking about anything else. He reached for his friend, whose clothes kept getting a darker shade of red each second it passed, and held him when he slowly fell backwards. 

Donghyun was panting hard but still had one smile to gift him after he focused his eyes on him. Youngmin just cried loudly, unable to move, unable to speak, his tears kept falling over the face of his injured friend. The angel's ceph kept getting smaller and smaller and he started panicking, he wouldn't be able to forgive himself if he loses him. 

It shouldn't be happening. He shouldn't be there worrying over Donghyun’s life, putting and pressing with his powerless hands over the wound that wouldn't stop bleeding, it shouldn't be happening at all. 

“Youngmin-“

“Just- Just look at me, Donghyun.” He was blinded by worry. The uncertainty of what would happen was giving him a hard time to breathe. He had Donghyun dying under his own hands and he couldn't do nothing. He couldn't heal him. He couldn't-

For a moment, Youngmin wished for once he wasn’t a powerless angel.

Youngmin suddenly recalled once again where he was and what was happening. He returned to reality. Sounds were clear again. He heard an “Over there!” coming from behind him.

He looked over to the demons, Woojin was trying to make Woong leave with him but the smaller demon was screaming, crying and trying to reach for him. 

“Youngmin! I'm so sorry! I'm sorry! Youngmin! I'm sorry for everything!”

“We need to fucking leave! More angels are coming!"

“Youngmin! Youngmin!”

It hurt in so many ways. Woong had never looked so weak, so fragile, and Youngmin sobbed painfully while staring those eyes that should never be filled with that amount of sadness and horror. The smell of blood was strong, rusty and it felt way too warm on his hands. 

Donghyun’s eyes were unfocusing, Youngmin was falling apart and Woojin and Woong were leaving while fighting each other.

While the blood of his best friend kept painting his hands, he looked at the demon that owned his heart, calling for his name from the distance. 

That was the last time he saw Woong.

  
  


**_\- END OF ACT I –_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [breath in]..... boi
> 
> wait wait wait first of all: yeah this story hasn't ended yet. this is _not_ the final chapter, I repeat, it's not the final chapter. this is only the end of the first part. yup, all that was just the first half. this fic has two big parts and we already completed one im so so happy, its so crazy we made it this far. this is like a big challenge to me, I could have posted a one shot and leave it like that but i've been bottling up all my need to write for so long that i had to go and try something harder for me. it makes me happy and i hope it makes u happy too.
> 
> just to tease y'all: the second part will have a different feeling, different setting. and i think it might be shorter? (idk this comes from the same girl that said this fic would have 65k only and look at us, who would have thought? not me) but its definetly in the other half where we will find out more about what happened, how did it happen and other secrets that haven't been revealed yet. if you have doubts, then i think they will be solved later.
> 
> welp, on the other hand, uni have started, online classes be damaging my brain and to not completely lose it i cant be writing 24/7, i prefer trying new things to forget its been a month since i stepped out of my house. all of this is to say that i will take a break until i get more of this fic done, i rlly want to shape the second half better before just blindly posting. dont panic, i will be back, im way too invested on this to back away. (am i too bad for leaving u guys with a cliffhanger? ahaha noo don't hate me)
> 
> if anyone wants to contact me more personally, share ur thoughts or idk harass me you can hit me up in my ab6ix twitter acc @woongfansite <3 lets be moots  
> what else i can say? just... thank you? if you reading this, thank you for reading me and making me happy with some kudos or a comment or a single hit im happy anyways. im forever grateful. ok that's it. im curious to know what you guys think about all this.
> 
> see you in the next update! take care! stay safe! i love you!


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Warning: brief mentions of suicide in this chapter_
> 
> i'll do my ranting at the end notes, i don't want to take any of your time if you waited this long.

**_\- ACT 2 -_ **

_Three months later…_

Youngmin looks up to the front. He looks around the small classroom and sees all the little flames over the head of the rest of the students. He also takes a look to the fire of the professor, who keeps talking about some logic formulas that will never feel right to learn. The professor’s ceph isn't as big as the one his previous professor had but he feels wrong for going around criticizing the angels’s flames when he doesn't own one. Class goes on without difficulties, he only takes some notes that look handy to solve the exercises he has been given.

Angels leave quietly. Youngmin takes his things and exits the classroom alone. He goes through the long hallway that connects the institute with the dorms of the students in silence. Through the windows, brightness sneaks in to remind him once again the he is in the Upper World where every day is a bright day. They don't have a “weather” unlike the world of the humans where it gets cold or warm, where it can be snowy or rainy, it's unstable. He sighs when he remembers it. Without a sun and a moon to have a track of the time, he lost the count of the days since the last time he was in the human world.

He reaches the dorm. There are many other students in the halls, talking with the each other. Unlike him, many of them had their friends there. He doesn't greet anybody nor anybody greets him, he just casually walks through everyone to find his room. He doesn't know anyone there.

He is alone now.

It's also been a while since he spoke. Before entering his assigned room, he clears his throat just to make sure his vocal cords are there. They are. He hopes they don't stop functioning from the lack of use.

The warrior angel that passed behind him doesn't go unnoticed. Those guardians weren't needed in that level, there isn't any portal to the human world there. He knows they are there just because of him, patrolling and making sure he is doing as told. It's comprehensible that the Organization don't trust him at all anymore. He accepts this life without complains, it's what he deserves for putting everyone in danger.

The room is small. Just one bed and one desk where he sits down ready to go over the notes of the lesson he just had. That place looks (and it feels) like the cell of a prison, with the plain walls and the tiny window that lets some light get in the room from the upper right. It feels even worse than his empty assigned house that he catches himself missing.

But there is something no one can policy: his thoughts. They can't get inside his head and make him stop escaping to a time before. It any moment of silence he has for himself, Youngmin can't stop thinking on what has gone wrong. He can't stop blaming himself over it.

Scenarios and choices that never existed keep appearing in his thoughts him and he can't stop thinking that he should have planned everything better to not let it end the way it did. He has many _what ifs_ to analyze. Maybe if he had told Donghyun from the beginning, he wouldn't have-

A slight pain grew quickly inside him at the name of his friend between his thoughts and he stares blankly at the paper in front of him. They aren't about human psychology or the duty about guardian angels. In fact, they don't have any information related to humanity. It was an intelligent move to put him in a major that solely focuses on their society. He doesn’t need powers to finish it either. The angel can see himself studying, finishing the major and working quietly in the Upper World for the rest of his life and his beautiful, dangerous, love story he once had becoming so blurry in his mind to the point he will ask himself if it was true.

His reality is a constant reminder of what had happened. He goes over the exercise without any excitement. The Management major is plain, dull, it’s all about productivity and efficiency. Everything done for the Upper World, for the angels. He finishes quickly and looks at his own hands for a second.

Isn’t ironic he has been forced to devote himself to that world when he isn’t even a full pureblood angel? Why they didn’t let him decide what he wants for his life when he was born?

His mind goes once again to the same day that is still stuck in the back of his eyelids. He had made a decision in that valley, he was ready to change his life, but then everything fell apart. If he had the opportunity once again, what would he do?

Youngmin decides to lay on his bed and force himself to sleep as much as he can. Resting was a way to escape. Even if he can’t do it for too long, he tries it every day. Maybe, one day, the darkness of the back of his eyelids will consume him and he can go on without an internal voice that keeps questioning and regretting everything.

Every day is the same as the day before since his life changed. He wakes up and stares at the ceiling until the next lesson stars. He goes through the same corridor and sees one warrior angel in a corner. He sits in the same chair and automatically starts taking notes. After it’s over, he leaves silently and makes his way to his room.

But something that day makes him change the direction and instead of going to the dorm, he steps outside the building. There is something else in that level of the Upper world aside of his new institute: The choir of Seraphs. In a round looking construction, the Seraphs of their world gather to sing and create melodies for the Light.

The entrance isn’t prohibited for the rest of the angels, anyone can go to see them. And that is exactly what Youngmin does. He enters through one big arc and looks up to the thousands of Seraphs singing majestically in unison. The melody rises and goes down, it flies and surrounds him.

It’s beautiful and It’s unexplainable. The notes seem to exist materially and shine through the air. The 6 circles of angels keep singing without mistakes, totally unaware of him, they are immersed in praise.

Youngmin starts to cry, not because it’s a choir that no creature can imagine what it feels like to hear in first person but because it reminds him of another music. It reminds him of another voice and another singing. One singing voice that he heard in a small room of a flat in the human world. It reminds him of Woong.

It’s been a while since he cried. He had thought he had cried all the tears he could already. When he was stripped of his major, judged and relocated to this new level, those first days were devastating. Tears would always appear after every thought he had of Woong.

How could he forget and move on? It seemed impossible. It felt like the hurting never was going to end.

He flinches when he feels a sudden grasp on his arm. He looks up, not knowing who to expect. It’s the warrior angel who furrows his eyebrows at him for not following his usual routine. The angel probably lost him from his sight and now feels irritated from his own incompetence. He is escorted back after a sharp warning.

The next day he doesn’t leave his bed. He is tired. Tired of everything. Youngmin refuses to go on another day of following orders, of attending classes that he doesn’t care about, of not doing what he wants, of the fake scenario his life has become. Everyone acts as if its right, as if all he went through never happened and that makes him realize once again that he doesn’t belong there.

It doesn’t last much. Just a few minutes more than usual are needed for the angel of the Organization to brag and force him to leave the room. Youngmin feels like a poor dog that gets kicked out of a house, a scene he saw once happening in his human neighborhood. He drags his feet while walking to the class that has started already.

When he arrives, he sits in one of the desks of the classroom under some weird looks. He doesn’t take any note of what is being explained for the rest few hours. He just tenses his face and unconsciously clenches his teeth, holding his breathe. There is a growing rage in his chest.

If he could, he would explode right there. His fingers start to hurt from the tight fists his hands have turned to. The lesson ends and every angel leave, instead of him. There is no way he would go back to the room, to his prison. Actually, this whole world feels like a prison. His existence in the Upper World is

The warrior angel steeping inside the classroom and rudely pushing him outside gives him a sight surprise. He can’t believe how mistreated he can be. There is no room for any kind of disobedient, there aren’t choices for him, only controlling vigilance.

He can’t control his feelings anymore and slams the door of his room way too loudly, it wouldn’t surprise him if it’s broken. Nothing matters. It doesn’t matter if he kicks the chair and slams his hands on the desk. He wants to scream but his voice doesn’t come out, he might have lost his voice finally.

There isn’t a very thoughtful reason why he exhales harshly and gets on top of the bed, his eyes glancing the floor just half a meter from where he is. It’s a desperate idea that can easily fail. But his life has twisted in a way that even this stupid plan can be considered and done without giving it much thought. He only needs a bruise or a cut, some kind of injury to get a healing treatment.

The best angels in healing are mostly for the Services department. He can get back there if he falls properly. Then, he would be able to get in that level and see his previous institute, maybe take a peek of the portal or even have the chance to see a familiar face. Something else form these four walls that have been pushing his mental state to its limits.

And Youngmin jumps from the bed to the floor. He doesn’t put his hands up to secure himself from the falling and does a weird turn in the air to hit the floor even harder. It hurts and it feels weird to feel physical pain when he feels very numb inside.

The angel lays in the floor on his side, the position he has fallen. Part of his body hurts, specially his head that had made a thud sound when it hit the floor. It’s terribly stupid. It doesn’t have a logic behind. He breathes in and out slowly with burning eyes. It all hurts. It hurts he has come to this point of despair and absurdity in his life.

Slowly, a fine layer of red on the floor appears in front of his left eyeball. He blinks twice to make sure it’s real and he isn’t making it up with his imagination but all he gets with the action is more blood inside his eye. His whole body squirms and he quickly sits down to see what’s going on.

He touches his head and feels a warm wetness. He takes a peek of his own hand and sees the fingertips covered in red. Bright red.

He has blood on his hands again.

And Youngmin loses it.

The room squishes him and the air is pushing him down, from all directions, even inside his head. It’s red and bright. He hyperventilates and feels himself transporting back to the same day that had broken him. He can feel the blood of Donghyun’s in his hands. It’s blurry and his head hurts much more after the mental image.

With some difficulty that he can overcome due the peaking adrenaline and fear, he reaches for the door. The warrior angel that is in charge of watching him over is in one side of the hallway. Youngmin runs to him with a racing heart. The other angel seems to be utterly shocked at seeing one side of Youngmin’s face in blood. He is leaking blood. Drops falling on the floor.

The hallway constricts and spins as he throws himself to the angel in front of him. “I don’t want to die.” Words don’t come out easily but when they do, they fall to the floor with a broken tone.

He is about to fall to the floor. His blood keeps falling.

After that, he doesn’t see anything.

The black of his closed eyes as he passes out aren’t terrifying as he imagined it would be. It’s like he is sleeping heavily, finally having a rest after a day of following the orders he was told the day he was brought back to the Upper World.

Time when he isn’t aware of it turns relative. Maybe a second with his eyes closed are minutes or hours. Space isn’t a real parameter anymore. It’s dark everywhere. Not a single light. So obscure, so deep and dark that he can feel a little bit of comfort. It’s black like the eyes of the person he misses the most.

Is he dead?

He isn’t.

Someone is dragging him somewhere.

His body feels heavy and there are some voices he can’t recognize that are speaking over his head but he is too tired to open his eyes and see who they really are.

“We need a healer.”

“Over here.”

“What happened?”

“He injured himself. I don’t know how.”

“He did this to himself?”

After a while of not feeling anything, he starts noticing some kind of tingling sensation right where the blood was coming from. Little by little, he regains the feeling of owning his own body. He feels his legs scraped at his knees, the sides of his body still aching from his fall and his shoulders killing him.

When he opens his eyes, he sees the ceiling of a somewhat familiar place. He is in one of the rooms of the Services institute. There are other angels with him: he can see the same warrior angel he saw before passing out, another angel with a restless ceph that keeps healing him and two authorities of the institute.

No one says anything when he wakes up. No one starts any conversation. The beings in the rooms exchange a few looks with each other and find it enough. Youngmin wishes they could say anything, even if they are harsh words at him but nothing happens. It makes his dizzy head ache.

He gets escorted out from the room and through the halls of the building he knows the most. It’s empty. The students probably had finished their lessons and went back to their houses in the human world through the portal that is in the end of the aisle.

His eyes take a look at it. Coming back to the place where everything started and ended feels weird. It wasn’t long ago when he had been dragged through the same hall by two angels. He was in a state of shock. Both of his hands, shirt, and face painted in blood that wasn’t his own.

He remembers the horrified stares of the angels as they saw a bloody Youngmin being pushed through the institute as if it was some kind of creepy spectacle. Of course, the angels in front of him carrying an unconscious Donghyun wasn’t a detail to omit. That was the last time he saw his friend.

It had been traumatizing.

His memories stay fresh yet at the same time so blurry. He doesn’t remember how exactly he was brought up to the Higher Order. His mind was filled in fear and sadness. He was deadly worried for his friend and his heart kept aching as he repeated constantly the way Woong disappeared of his life in one second.

He didn’t have a fair trial. The Higher Order listed all of the rules he had broken while he was having a hard time breathing and avoiding to cry in front of all those eyes. He couldn’t defend himself. They told him again that he was a mistake. They told him it was unforgivable for him to put in risk the lives of angels in front of demons, their enemies. When the angels mentioned his supposed love affair with a human, he broke down. There was no strength inside him anymore to fight back. He had to do as told. He was the one to blame.

Youngmin feels a push form the back and knows he is staring way too much at the portal for the other’s liking so he continues his way outside the building. The place that once felt like a second home had become a token of the most breaking moment of his life.

His room looks the same as how he left it: a fallen chair and a slight red stain on the floor, next of his bed. He doesn’t bother to clean it and goes directly to lay down.

His life never felt this miserable before. It’s dull. It doesn’t surprise him that the angels that saw him bleeding have thought he tried to end his existence. The idea flirts with him inside his mind for a moment: what would happen if he decides to take his own life?

In one second, he could end the suffering. Forever dark. It would be understandable if he does, what else he has in his life to look up for?

What would it be like? Is it possible? Has ever an angel killed themselves?

Youngmin wipes the tears of the corner of his eyes that have appeared from the sour thought and quickly regrets following such a train of thought. He doesn’t feel capable of doing it so because it sounds way too scary. As much as he hates the way his life is right now, he would never do that. But it feels solid in his chest, it had been the first time something like that appeared in his mind.

The words he has said before resound loudly.

_I don’t want to die._

He closes his eyes and decides to rest.

But some moments later, he hears a knock on the door.

“Excuse me?”

The door opens and the head of an unknown angels pops up from the doorstep. The angel has an ashy blonde hair that doesn’t quite fit him for some reason. Youngmin sits in the bed with a confused expression. His throat too dry to ask him who is he and what is he doing. He feels like he forgot what is like to interact with someone who doesn’t have judging eyes for him.

“Are you Lim Youngmin?” The stranger asks, still frozen from his spot.

It’s kind of a stupid question. Youngmin doesn’t want to imagine himself being famous or anything like this but he had thought that, at this point, every angel would know who Lim Youngmin is. The lack of a ceph on his head should be enough of an answer. He nods anyways.

“It’s here.” The other tells to someone outside the room. At the next moment, two angels enter a bed to the room and place it just a few centimeters away from his.

 _This can’t be right._ It’s all he can think as he gets up and tries to stop the angels. No one seems to understand why he looks so upset. Well, he still hasn’t said a word. As soon as the bed looks to be properly placed, the angels leave except for the angel of the round cheeks that seem to be content. He places his things over the new bed under Youngmin’s confused glance.

A roommate? The Organization sent him a roommate. Youngmin thinks carefully what is this about. The answer is pretty obvious. They don’t want him to be free but they don’t want him dead either. A roommate could be another pair of eyes for the Organization. They are making sure he is not trying to hurt himself again.

He feels troubled again for being associated to such horrible idea as ending his existence is. Who would have ever thought he was considered a risk for himself. He is sure he isn’t but the other don’t seem to coincide with him.

The unknown angel turns around and smiles an him and Youngmin feels wrong, it’s been some time since someone directed a smile at him. It’s a weird feeling. “Nice to meet you. I’m Jeong Sewoon. From today I will be your roommate.”

His new roommate extends his hand at him. Youngmin thinks it should better to not correspond. Sewoon is someone sent from the Organization to keep an eye on him. Yet, he does because he wants to.

Sewoon has a blond ashy hair that curls cutely and big round cheeks, on top of his head his flame usually dances side to side. He doesn’t look at him weirdly, he isn’t rude and treats him as an equal. Youngmin feels things got more complicated but refuses to let his guards down.

His routine changes drastically. He still policed by a warrior guardian when he leaves and come backs for his classes but now, every time he is back, Sewoon is there to welcome him with a warm look. It’s a pity he lost the only place where he could be alone.

Youngmin never speaks to him. He had told himself he wouldn’t. He doesn’t want to interact with someone who is under the orders of The Organization. No matter how much calls him by his name to make a simple comment, he will not answer to him because that would mean to open himself somehow.

Instead, he makes himself get understood with simple gestures: pointing his things on the desk mean “Please remove your things”, nodding slightly while he reaches for the doorknob means “I’m leaving” and a index on top of his own lips means “Don’t make noises I’m trying to sleep.”

They only share their time in their room. Sewoon is actually more advanced into the major and attends different classes, or that is what he gets told the first day they left the room for their lessons and took different paths. It’s unsettling how nice the other speaks to him. Youngmin has noticed how his eyes are puffy, giving him a sad yet kind look.

He also notices how much the newcomer is filling his mind. Lately, he has been so worried about having a new roommate that he had stopped thinking the usual things. He had stopped overthinking. He doesn’t like that.

Just when he gets back to the dorm with the settled mind to lay on the bed and go back to his usual sulking state, he gets interrupted.

“Huh? Youngmin, you are not going to do your homework?”

“Stop calling me.” He answers while laying on the bed, giving his back to the angel on the other side of the room. His voice is weak and tiny. Youngmin surprises himself by speaking.

There is a silence and he curiously turns around to glance at the other. 

Sewoon giggles.

“It’s the first time you talked to me.”

“We are not friends for you to call me like that.” Youngmin barks back harshly.

He is annoyed the other doesn’t take his word seriously but he is even more annoyed for feeling embarrassment. These weird feelings are things he shouldn’t have when his life is this bad.

“But we can be friends.”

He goes back to his previous position and avoids to look at the weird angel. It’s somehow sad he doesn’t know how to act to friendliness anymore.

“I know why you avoid me Youngmin, you think I directly work for the Organization.” His words surprise him and once again he faces him, this time with a puzzled confusion. How could he say that so carelessly? “I understand. I would also think the same, it’s logical. But believe me, I have no idea why I was chosen to be your roommate.”

It’s not enough to suddenly stop suspecting him. But there is something about the way he continues to read his book, it’s about the way he doesn’t push the topic anymore. There is something that tells him Sewoon is nothing else than someone who doesn’t see him as the criminal everyone makes out from him.

“Don’t you know what I did?” Still, Youngmin talks as if he really was that criminal.

“I think I know? You broke some rules? Got an angel deeply injured? Something about- Wait don’t cry!”

It feels too heavy. He is not used at talking to someone anymore. He is not used to hear another voice than his inside his mind. Sewoon is still an angel, the ceph in front of his face as the other holds him by his shoulders reminds him. He is probably showing signs of asphyxiating because he stops feeling the breeze of air entering his lungs and Sewoon keeps asking if everything is okay.

It’s not. He is also reminded that everything is wrong. He also makes the absurd comparison of how Sewoon’s surname is just way too similar to Woong’s. It hasn’t stop hurting a single moment.

Time becomes water again and it flows everywhere as it keeps entering the room from the corners and he keeps choking and drowning on it. He can’t live like this anymore. It became unbearable to go through it alone.

He feels a strong tug and wakes up again. Back to the reality. It hurts to know reality is real, that everything that happened is real. His memories, his pasts aren’t illusion but real things that have materialized into his present.

Sewoon doesn’t tell him nothing about his breakdown. He looks up at him from kneeling in front of him. He is sitting down in his bed, eyes refusing to focus.

“Would you talk to me about the human world? I never been there, is it true the weather changes every day? Have you seen the snow fall once? How does the rain feel like?”

Youngmin misses the rain and the little details that come with it, like the smell of wet dirt or the way Woong smiled at him after their very first kiss.

Youngmin tells Sewoon about the wonders of the unstable weather of the human world with a small voice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello there my readers i knew its been long (almost a month !?) i'll try to not come up with a lot of excuses but online uni rlly been kicking my ass, and tbh i havent written as much as i wanted to BUT ab6ix is coming back !?  
> i felt like i HAD to post something to celebrate it and to remind everyone that _this fic is still in my mind_ , i am stilll writing and im not letting it unfinished no matter how long it takes. period.  
> this chapter is fecking angst omg im sorry if it upsets anybody i just simply wanted to tell you what happened after chapter 15 wasnt good lmao. i hope you feel the different vibe it has from part 1. sorry for taking so long (im actually scared some of yall left because of the waiting)  
> anyways,, i hope everyone is doing fine and taking care. i really miss all of you


	17. UPDATE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No, I'm not abandoning the story.

First of all, I'm deeply sorry for dissapearing like that.

I was scared and confused of what to do but I think everyone who has read 80k words of my work deserve to know what happened.  
I have distanced myself from fanfiction and overall fandoms to focus on my studies and career.   
All this time, I been wondering what to do with this story.   
I knew how to end it, I knew what to write but I had lost the motivation and strengh to sit down to write.   
I'm deeply ashamed.

**But this is not an abandonment message.**

I'm actually going to continue this as an original story that I'm still wondering where to post it. I will probably do it in Wattpad? my profile is https://www.wattpad.com/user/tri__writes If you have any other recs on pages where to share this type of content I will be very grateful. Tried goodreads but it isnt very original stuff friendly.   
Thank you so much for understanding and I hope everyone is doing well. Take care.

With love, Triana aka veintiseis.

**Author's Note:**

> hey if u liked that, please suscribe to get notificated when next chapter drops. i don't promise anything but i will try to post one chapter per week  
> i wanted to give my contribution to this baby small abnew fandom on ao3 with a long chapetered fic, like, i plan at least 65k for this? yes.  
> it's been long since i wrote something and im lowkey nervous on how this will go but i promise the plotline makes up for my rusty storytelling and english skills.  
> so, see you in seven days. bye <3


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